One of the quickest ways to lose friends, get someone mad at you, or just plain cause confusion is to start a blog. I've had one friend leave her own personal dissertation on my comments section, I've had another friend basically rip me and tell me I ain't shit (that comment will NEVER see the light of day), and one of my friends just stopped speaking to me altogether because she said my blogs were too hurtful for her to read. I am sensitive to all of this, and I feel about 10% guilty, because when I initially started this blog, I thought it was going to be observational and about sports, not so much about me. Well I was wrong. But luckily for me, and everyone else who sees something that do not like here in my blog, that black "x" in the top right hand corner of all computer screens ALWAYS works. I have found it to be extremely helpful to me when I want to avoid reading something, or when I just flat out want to escape an undesirable page. I'd suggest that they utilize this same tool and back the fuck up off me. I mean damn, anyone who knows me knows that I'm liable to say anything out of my mouth, so why would I get to the blog world and start censoring myself. Plus the shit is called stream of consciousness...anyway, I've reached my profanity quota in the first paragraph already.

Yesterday was my son's birthday, and I got a chance to talk to him. He was happy to hear from me, but I could tell that this phone relationship has really run its course. My son is just like me in that he has about a 5-10 minute attention span on the phone, and then he starts to get distracted by the things around him. He told me he got my gift and card, he mentioned he was going to see Pirates of the Caribbean, and that school started on Wed. Then he was like, ok Daddy I want to go play now..I have to respect his honesty, but the selfish side of me wanted to reach through the phone, shake him, and say, "dammit don't you know that these conversations are all I have?" But that would be selfish. I'm scheduling a visit out to Arizona to visit him for the weekend, but all of these gestures still feel inadequate. These are the type of feelings that make me wish I could have another child..one that I could actually see go thru things from birth to 18, as opposed to being on the sidelines.

I went to the hair place with a friend of mine, so she could pick out her weave, and this was the funniest thing I've seen in quite some time. I don't mind a woman wearing a weave at all, in fact sometimes I strongly encourage it. But I just never knew all the preparation and fine detail that went into picking it out. These women feel the hair, take it out of the package and put it against their skin tone, and do comparative shopping as if they were at the grocery store. And the funniest thing of all, was that the Asian man behind the counter knew ALL of the hairstyles like the back of his hand. One of the women would ask him a question, and without blinking an eye, he'd know where the hair was, how much it was, and what color was available. They need something like this for men..I should be able to go to the facial hair store, and get a beard or goatee for about a month. This would allow my real beard to grow, while at the same time allowing me sport a fake beard without trimming or shaping up. I should look into this..

I HATE not being able to write in this thing on the weekend..all feels right with the world when I'm able to get on here and vent.