Thursday, August 03, 2006

Today is my designated fast day, and it cannot come at a better time. I'm not the most consistent church goer in the world, and religion and I have always had a love/hate relationship. And in 2001, Religion recruited my mother to be a minister and play on their team, so now I REALLY have mixed feelings about the whole concept. But I do recognize that there is a God and/or a force that is more powerful than I can possibly imagine. So once a week (for the most part) I do a mini-Ramadan, and I fast from sunrise to sunset. Sometimes I get clarity on situations that I am confused about, other times I just thank Him for what little I have, and sometimes all I get is a series of loud and embarrassing stomach growls. I try to be thankful for all of that, because it sure as hell beats sitting in church every Sunday. I truly believe some folks aren't meant for church, and I am such a person. I dig the singing all the time; they can miss me with the announcements and the theatrics though; and there are times when I listen to the preacher, wishing he would just give me an outline of his message, so I can go home, study it, and take notes if need be. As I'm typing this, I realize that could be interpreted as cynical, but it is really how I feel. So, in an effort to avoid that headache, I fast. Its way more efficient, it jives with my personality and needs, but at the same time some degree of sacrifice is involved. The REALLY sad part about this is if I went to church every Sunday, sang in the choir, became a deacon, and really got into it, I'd be the church version of Hugh Hefner. Women would be so happy that a straight and single black man was serious about God, that they'd throw it at me like Michael Vick(except a bit more accurate), and I'd catch it all. I'd be giving it up for God and church, and the ladies would be giving it up for me. A fair exchange on the surface, but I can't go out like that. Not yet anyway.

In the two weeks or so since I've been posting my thoughts online, I've had about 5 or 6 people tell me that they are inspired to write a blog too. Now, as an aspiring writer, far be it from me to discourage anyone from writing. I think it is cathartic, in some cases therapeutic, and an excellent vehicle of expression. But when folks tell me they are starting a blog, I'm thinking to myself, "man I ain't reading that bullshit". I know that is wrong, and a bit contradictory considering I want folks to read and comment on mine, but its how I feel. Not everyone has thoughts that are blog worthy (and on some days I feel like I am firmly in this category), and some folks flat out can't write, which clutters up anything good they may or may not have to say. I have about 4 blogs I currently read, and they are entertaining and insightful and in some cases WAY bettter than mine. I can't bear to read anymore. I also don't care to type anymore.

5 comments:

Hadassah said...

Pride let it go....
I feel cheated by your endings.

Hannibal said...

I went to a church on sunday..and the pastor has his sermon on the bulletin as a fill in the blanks type things during his verbal sermon..i thought it was dope because it's almost like a study guide..i may go back..but i feel u on the church thing..i cant go because every church i go to old ladies trying to hook me up with their sons..who are dogsssssssssssssssssssss...

soft&subtle said...

I wish people would stop thinking every woman in church "throws it at them" just because they see a single black man who serves/loves God. There are women in church who sincerely want to be married to a "GOOD" man, which exhibits what God speaks about in the "good book." When they see a single black man becoming serious about God, which very few do, they see potential and HOPE. The good thing is, if that man stops thinking with his other "HEAD" (for a better word) and truly becomes honest and faithful, one of those good Christian women would get lucky. Now, of course there are treacherous women out there who want to screw everything that moves, including other women’s husbands. Those are what we call desperate women (ah huh). Fortunately, I’M not to the point of wanting to be married SO bad that I'm throwing myself over every man who walks by me….and pray I never do. Though, I now realize that some women who hit a certain age do become lunatics in regards to being married and having children; of course, due to various reasons. For example, I was in a church recently and the preacher said, "If you want a husband start shouting now." Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't praise God for your husband in advance but if it's his will, you will have one. This is what makes women think they HAVE to be married, which leads to the desperate and lunatic stages. Now, you (Rashad) have underlying issues (as we all do) that need to be resolved regarding women. The good thing is, you’re honest about your sinful nature. Two, you’re not placing yourself in a church environment to take advantage of the unfortunate possibilities you could obtain (as mentioned in your blog). I believe once you’re “ready” and you get a handle on your vice, you would have no problem being a good and faithful man (regardless of what environment you’re in). Peace and much love.

Jo said...

Can you hip me to those other bloggers? . . .I can't imagine any bloggers that are actually better than the maestro!

asabi said...

i am honored to be on the blogs you read list. ;)