Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I broke my rule last night, and I went out on a weeknight, and I am paying for it dearly this morning. I drank a bit too much last night, and I am now suffering from a rather large hangover. I overslept, I got in to work late for the first time in like 3 years, and I'm even writing my blog about 3 hours later than I normally do. I know better than this, but I must say it felt good to throw caution to the wind last night. I spend so much of my life being quiet, reserved and calculated, and last night I was none of those things. I know my friends Brandon and Nina (and anyone else for that matter) wanted to kick my ass, or kick me out of the venue altogether. Hopefully they will grant me a pass though Yesterday was rough man.

My friend and I parted ways yesterday, and that was a bit disappointing, but I felt it was necessary. I need a break from women for awhile..and not one of those fake breaks where I am still looking for someone on the low. I need a real break to get my head right, and figure out what is really going on. I know that sounds cliched, but it is my reality right about now. It won't kill me to be still for a minute anyway. I can catch up with friends, save some money, and get more in touch with my own genitals. Deep down I wonder if I ever will find someone to make me happy. I've let go lots of women in the past couple of years, and it is mostly due to my lack of patience. I am a little worried that once I am ready to settle down, a woman is going to hurt me and hurt me bad. I've used this analogy before, but its like getting the chicken pox as an adult. When you get chicken pox as a child, it is easier to shake off. You isolate yourself, use calomine lotion, and in a few days you are alright except for some marks on your face. But when you get the chicken pox as an adult, the consequences are much more drastic. It takes longer to shake off, it requires way more attention from a doctor, and in some cases it can be life threatening. I fear the same will happen to me if I get hurt right now. Heartbreak is a part of life, and the fact that I have avoided it a bit unsettling.

I've been doing this blog thing for about 2 months and some change, and I am really curious as to how I come off to people. Do I sound like a bitch? Do I sound conflicted? Does someone read my blog and say, yeah I do that too? I am real curious about that, because every now and then it is nice to know that someone shares your same thought process. Or perhaps this hangover is making me type and think some outrageous shit..who knows.

I have a song in my heart and in my head today. It is by Marvin Gaye, and its called Come Get To This . My boy Kevin told me about this song awhile back, but its in my head today. Enjoy.

6 comments:

RICO said...

Man! This little writing thing u got goin on... I dig!!!I digg...

PS.. catfish delicious!!

Brandon aka Shortcut said...

Yeah dude, I could tell you had that "i'm a grieving drunk not a partying one" look... so you split up with another casualty of your women warefare eh? Man you definitely need to take time for self and really look at your values. What do you want in someone? Can you offer that same thing? What's the most important? What can you live with? Stick to that and don't play around. Stop snacking, cause you spoil your dinner.. got me? Thanks for showin that Bobby Brown look last night...

Jo said...

Yeah, take some time to “get more in touch with [your] own genitals!” I am sure you will enjoy that! Trust me, I know . . . I am way in touch with my own! And who cares if “a woman is going to hurt [you] and hurt [you] bad”? You deserve it . . . okay, I was just kidding with that one. Well, maybe not . . . well, maybe what I mean is WHY worry about that? You can’t TRY to prevent pain especially when you don’t know whether it’s going to hurt or not, by avoiding it and hurting others. Does that make more sense? I don’t know. As for your writing . . .YES, you sound like a BITCH, YES you sound like YOU'RE CONFLICTED, and YES, I do that TOO! And did I forget – YOU also come across as an ASSHOLE! That’s what makes us so neat and complex. The reality is that even though we pretend to be these really put together people, we are so NOT put together. We are all just the WALKING WOUNDED -- Wound up little bundles of yarn; really a mess if someone were to drop us down a flight of stairs. So, as for the drinking bing . . . I have been with you before when you cut up because of the “cocktails,” so USE that and that hangover as a good excuse for your openness, but remember that deep down ALL of us are just as FUCKED UP on the inside. . .as I get older I am beginning to see not that which makes us so different from one another, but that which makes us SO SIMILAR . . .and it really is a BEAUTIFUL thing! As far as “Come Get to This” -- you are definitely in a sentimental mood. Lay off the alcohol for a while! ;o) But I can dig it! I really liked it . . .what album is it on?

theillusionist said...

the really really good thing is we'll always have honesty.. the openess that we have between us is genuine and that's why i appreciate the moment we shared. I find that when we are most 100% sure of something we want..we in the face of adversity,see that everything is put into perspective..and we're forced to have a moment of clarity.. maybe it was all fairy tale and the reality of it all hit. This is a positive step..there were no casualities....it just bonded two people who had so many things in common.

the beauty of blogging is that u'll always come off conflicted because we all are...i call it complexed simplicity...at the end of the day the words are simple but the thoughts behind them are not. u dont sound bitch.... just focused right about now...

rumble young man rumble!!!

Shaun said...

Yeah Rashad take some time to yourself. When the time is right you will find that special someone.

P.S. Our phone conversation was not as bad as you think it was. You warned me and gave me enough time to end the convo before the alcohol started to speak for you.

Raydiance said...

honestly rashad i have no advice to pass on because we've talked about this trend ad nauseum through the years of our friendship. maybe this decision to take some time will help. i hope you find what you are searching for it seems like you are becoming more conscious of your relationships. i know when you do make that decision you will make some woman a good man. a crotchety one, but a good one.