Friday, October 27, 2006

As I stepped off of the train today, and a bird dropped its precious droppings on me. Luckily for me, it only grazed the right side of my jeans and the tip of my shoes, but still..I was actually feeling pretty good up until that point. Then that happened, and my mojo momentum was broken for a bit. In case you haven't noticed, you really cannot be cool or confident with bird excrement on any part of your person; however, I tried my best to pull it off, although several people looked at my pants, then did a double take, and kept it moving. I just told myself that they were looking at my genitals which were hopefully more noticeable and intriguing than bird doo doo. And if you're scoring at home (or if you're alone) this is the second time in my life that I've gotten got by a bird. All of this makes me think this cartoon, I saw some years back.

The attack from the birds aside, this weekend promises to be a pretty eventful one. My brother told me yesterday, that there is a damn good chance that he and his wife will make me an uncle by the time this weekend is over, so that is very exciting. It is still a bit surreal that he is married, let alone expecting a child, but it is about to get extremely real for all of us. And on Saturday, my son, my mother and I are going to attend the Hampton Homecoming Football game. My son has been talking about this game for two weeks, and I must admit I'm a bit excited too. Although I am NOT looking forward to the bullshit small talk I'll have to engage in at least 30 times..its not that I'm a mean, heartless man, its just that I don't have the patience for small talk. Yes I look better than I did in college, no I don't keep it touch with anyone(ok that's a lie), yes you can have my number even though you'll NEVER call, and yes you can give me a hug so I can feel your breasts pressed against my chest, and yes you can shake the hell out of my hand and give me a half hug(for the fellas of course). Of course my son will be with me, so I can't let him see my crotchety side. If all goes well, my son will be steal the spotlight taking the pressure off me.

And the part of my weekend that I am dreading the most is my attendance in church this Sunday with my mother. At least three time a year, I go to church with her, and every time I dread it. First off, my mother likes to go to the 7:30 am service, which is absolutely insane. I have to get up earlier for that, than I do for work. And then I have to listen to a variety of prayers..the welcome prayer, the pre-song prayer, the pre and post announcement prayer and song, the pre and post offering prayer and song. By this time, I'm all prayed out, although I can dig the songs. And then, one of the deacons, says the final prayer before the main pastor comes out and delivers the sermon. Everytime I go, the same deacon prays, and my brother and I call him, "Mr Father God". This dude starts and ends every sentence in his prayer with Father God, and it amazes me that more people don't laugh in his face. During his prayer, I"ll open my eyes to see if anyone is laughing, and of course no one but me is..He's like a rapper who runs out of rhymes, so he attempts to rhyme using the same word over and over. It baffles me that he's able to get away with this. Anyway, after the sermon, my mother then shows me off like I'm on the red carpet before the Oscars. Everyone has to hear my 5 minute mini-bio, everyone wants me to meet their daughter, and everyone answers my "how are you" question with "I'm blessed" or "God is good", to which I respond that's great. I'm clearly a fish out of water, but at least now I can sit thru it, knowing that a fantastic blog entry will follow it.

And now, to conclude my blog, I will post this song by Leaders of the New School from 1991.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

have a terrific weekend and hey...

BE BLESSED!

Miss Black River said...

Hehehe. I've heard that bird poop is supposed to mean good luck. Have a wonderful time at Hampton.

hadassah444 said...

I'll run over a few birds for you, hahaha

cant wait til monday to hear about how your son followed the game....

make the best out of church sunday and for God sakes to be dippin in the collection plate!!!

Jo said...

Feel Lucky then . . . as miss black river wrote, bird poop represents GOOD luck! I have been pooped on three times in my life. Once on my shoulder, once on my head (forehead to be exact - EWWWW!), and once on the palm of my hand. Unfortunately that doesn't mean that I have been lucky, or maybe it does. But, since you can't measure luck, I can't give you a positive answer for that one. So, consider yourself BLESSED with bird poop. As for Mr Father God . . .you gotta love it . . .I liked your blog on his sermons . . .almost visual. And as for the 7:30 am service, don't be mad at her. She is only doing that so you guys can get out at a decent time and go get something to eat. I feel sorry for you on the introductions, though. Parents always do that. It's as if they are bragging and it's sOOOOO embarrasing. I always feel sorry for my mom when she does it. I want to be like, "Please forgive her, she hit her head." And by the way . . .you look better now than in college? Do they really ask that? And do you really answer with a yes? You VAIN man! ;o)

Shaun said...

Hey Rashad! Have a nice weekend! ROFL! @ Getting hit by the bird. Thanks for the song, it was one of my favorites back in the day.