Thursday, October 26, 2006

Yesterday my boy Cliff called me to say that he was in town, and he asked me what I was doing later on in the evening. I told him that I was going home to cook, and he was welcome to come through if he wanted..and then there was an awkward pause, and I realized that my statement was about an 11 on the 1 to 10 gay scale. I quickly followed that up with a maybe not, and the conversation quickly fizzled. Needless to say, Cliff never came by, but it got me thinking about the limits of a male friendship. Last week was my boy Kevin's birthday, and even that had to be handled in a delicate manner. I sent him a message via myspace, and I said happy birthday man, and then I suggested he drink a shot of Johnnie Walker to celebrate. And his response was "yeah.". Now let's examine that further. There was no way in hell, I would just call him and say happy birthday Kevin..because again that is borderline ghey..so I replaced his name with "man", which is legal under Man Law. Immediately after that, I suggested that Kevin get a shot of Johnnie Walker, which if you've ever tasted it, you know that clearly it is a manly thing to drink. Not saying that women can't drink it, but you get my drift I hope. So my birthday wish was successfully wrapped in testosterone, as was Kevin's minimalist response of "yeah". A thank you would not have been in appropriate. The "yeah" says I hear you man and thanks, but I'm not trying to hug you or anything because you remembered my day of birth.

Men also don't exchange gifts on birthdays or holidays..the most we may do is go out for drinks, or go to a game, or a trip to Brazil or Vegas. But there's no exchanging sweaters or anything like that..of course this rule doesn't apply to family members. Other things men don't do:

1)Go to the movies together
2)Go the grocery store together
3)Ride together in a two seat convertible
4)Cook together in the same kitchen
5)Say I miss hanging out with you man, when are we going to hang out
6)Stand next to each other at urinals
7)Go to Brian McKnight concerts

Women that I talk to say that men are ridiculously homophobic with one another, and that we need to work on expressing our feelings. That may be true, but what man wants to be the first to make that change happen? Who is willing to be the Rosa Parks of that movement? I sure as hell won't, and neither will anyone I know. Plus women do all kinds of things that cross the straight/gay line. They get naked around one another, they say stuff like "I miss you" to their friends, and I swear 1 out of every 8 women I know has had some borderline lesbian experience, and they mention it like its not a big deal. I've never caught the eye of my boy during a game or while we're out drinking, and said man let me hit that one time, and then we can act like it never happened. It's not bloody likely. Women are my only lovers of choice.

If I see one more article like this where someone is bitching about the state of rap music, I am going to start mushing the authors on sight. Everyone is bitching about how hip hop is dead, and there's no more quality music, and that's simply bullshit. The REAL problem is that people who grew up on hip hop, are getting older and their tastes are changing. The artists they grew up on are getting older and more extinct, and they don't care for the younger generation. That kind of thing is cyclical though. And that being said, there are still rap groups that cater to an older crowd: The Roots, Common, Jay-Z(to some degree), Rakim, etc..Yes they are few and far between, but that doesn't mean hip hop is changing, it just means folks are getting older. The woman who wrote that article, just turned on the radio, heard substandard rap music, and then made a generalization. Rap music that is played on the radio is not at all representative of the music as a whole. And if my son was in the car with me (and he has been), I'd play rap music that we could proudly listen to together, not that radio bullshit. I could write an entire essay on this, and I think I just might do that.

And now, some PM Dawn

4 comments:

LittleTortilla stays in DC said...

I realized a long time a go that if I wanted to date a straight (black?) man, I just had to deal with the homophobia. But you just made me understand why my ex made sit through countless movies that I didn't want to see (e.g. Blade II)...men don't go to the movies together.

lex said...

lol Whats wrong with cooking in the same kitchen?

Is that too domestic? What if one of you is using the microwave and the other is using the stove?

But I guess after your close call with dude trying to hit on you you'd be extra careful...

hadassah said...

I agree with your list of things men shouldnt do together....

Jo said...

You never cease to make me think. It is rather interesting that men can't go as far in their male-male relationships as women can. No wonder men and women have trouble relating. As for the movies, I HAVE seen straight men at the movies together, but they ALWAYS leave a seat inbetween themselves. I think this is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous AND it uses up far too many seats. But now, as far as the HIP-HOP HATERS are concerned. If I remember correctly, just about oh, let's say three blogs ago, you yourself were being a really GREAT BIG contemporary JAZZ HATER. Now lookey here, would that be considered the pot calling the kettle black? You better watch yourself, 'cause when you blog, your hypocrisies get recorded. ;0)