Thursday, December 28, 2006

So I saw yet another ex of mine last friday at the airport. I was walking with my mother, and I saw her coming towards me, and I really wish I could have walked right past her..and quite frankly, if my mother hadn't been with me, I would have done just that. But, my since my mother the minister was with me, I was obligated to not only speak, but to have a short conversation. This ex, we'll call her Sylvia(her real name) is one that I didn't really have the best of relationships with. She holds the distinction of being the WORST sexual experience I've ever had in my life..and this is by far. She had ZERO rhythm, she didn't do some of the things that I like so very much(considering she was 36, that's just unacceptable), and on top of that, she couldn't decided whether she wanted to be a good, celibate church girl, or an all out sex freak(who couldn't really do it all that well). Anyway, when she saw me and my mother, her face lit up, her business card came out, and the personal cell number was written on the back. My mother immediately was like, you should call her, I like her blah blah blah. I politely discarded the number for various reasons. She did look good and all, but this is a situation where the bad FAR outweighs the good. And I feel sorry for anyone she sleeps with..I also feel sorry for her if she happens to read this blog, because I pretty much slammed her sexual prowess in just a few short sentences.

I had one of those evenings when I really didn't want to go home and read my book, so I decided to go out to a bar and watch the Wizards game. While at the bar, I sat next to this woman who was happily in a 3 year relationship. She talked about her man ad nauseum. She talked about their marriage plans, she talked about how they met, and all that jazz. Usually, I would be quite annoyed at this kind of incessant chatter, while I'm trying to watch a game, particularly at a bar. But since I'm on the brink of being 32 years old, I'm in this weird what-does-life-really-mean phase, so I started asking her questions about how she knew this was the one, and did she feel like she was missing out other dudes, and she flat out said no(I think she was lying), which was pretty impressive. Then she gave me the typical line about how handsome I was, and how I should have no problem settling down blah blah blah..I appreciated the sentiments and all, but I really wasn't trying to hear that. I was interested in hearing from someone who was happy and I wanted to know how they got there. So many folks bitch about how unhappy they are in marriage/relationships, so it was nice to hear a success story. So after I had sex with her...just kidding, I just thought that would be funny. Anyway, I left out of that bar with plenty to think about, and plenty of liquor in my system, and the Wizards won. Good times all around.

I called my friend when I got home, and attempted to talk to her about this bar convo I had just been a part of, but I don't think I made much sense, because the liquor grabbed me, wrestled me to the ground, and took me out. Part of me said I'm too old to be drinking like that, but the better part of me enjoyed having that particular outlet. I'm paying for it this morning though.

Here's the song that's in my head this morning. The best part of the song? The cymbal crashes throughout the song..I sit here at my desk sometimes, acting like I play the drums...so now you too can do it.

5 comments:

Jo said...

You have a lot of ex's.

What does FAR mean?

I have that book,too!

Go Wizards!

That was definitely funny about the sex with the happy woman. You had me LOL-ing!

You have got to STOP the I am drunk calls and figure out why you drink 'til your drunk.

Not my favorite B Knight song . . . he has much better ones, but thanks for the cymbals. I never noticed them before.

Shaun said...

Yeah Rashad what does FAR mean? I assume it is equivalent to a PDR. Anyway... I have had those type of happy relationship convos with you and at the end all I got was a, "f*** you and your love." :-P

LittleTortilla stays in DC said...

FAR as in emphasis right? Damn it I missed the wizards game. Now that I'm a permanent resident of the urrea I must pick a sports team. Eton Thomas looks and plays well so I'll take the Wizards over the Skins. I plan to partake in beer and hooters wings after work to practice becoming a fan.

Jo said...

LOL! Thanks Little Tortilla. Rashad failed to answer my question. But I totally missed that it was an emphasis! LOL! BTW - YOU must LOVE Mexican food! Every time I see your handle I think about eating enchiladas and tacos and drinking margaritas at Rio Grande in Rockville, MD. ;o)

asabi said...

why did you put ole' sylvia on blast? you are hardcore! lol