As I promised myself last week before my birthday extravaganza began, I attempted to step to the homeless fellow I've been mildly stalking since April of last year. My plan was to give him more money than anyone else, invite him out to a meal(nothing too extravagant), talk to him over this meal, and figure out what I could do, if anything, to assist his situation. It sounded like a good enough plan, and I left out of work with confidence that this plan could be executed without a hitch. But I was wrong. I gave the brother money, and then I attempted to ask him if he wanted a meal, and he kept shaking his cup and asking for money, and mumbling other words I really couldn't make out. Someone suggested to me a while back, that he may have a mental illness, and that may very well be the case. No matter what I said, he kept saying I need some change can you help me out. This may have been his way of saying he needed more money, but this ain't the blackjack table, and I damn sure wasn't hitting him with more. As I walked away, I heard him say over and over again to other who walked by, i need some change can you help me out. When I gave the situation some additional thought, I remembered that most of my productive interactions with this dude have come in the morning, but I was unable to find him this morning. I'm not giving up yet, and I damn sure am not moving on to another homeless person, because I feel like(despite him blowing me off) that I estalished some kind of bond with this dude. You know part of me feels real creepy about this whole thing..I don't want to stalk this man, I just want to talk, but I may need to let it go. I am going to try one more time.

I think I may have let a hint of jealousy come over me yesterday while dealing with my ladyfriend. She was talking about her day, and an ex of hers she used to deal with contacted her, and then we briefly discussed her upcoming trip to Vegas, and I felt myself getting mildly annoyed, then all out jealous, and I acted out just a bit, but I was able to reel myself in, before it got out of hand. Plus, a friend of mine told me that jealousy is normal in any relationship, but it should be fleeting, not something that simmers and eventually boils over. This woman is the only one who can bring out that type of jealousy in me, and I need to check it. By the way, this paragraph is cathartic for me so bear with me. And one more thing..yesterday I mentioned that THE worst birthday I ever had came at the hands of my ladyfriend when she didn't get me a damn thing..I neglected to mention, that back in 2001, she also was responsible for one of my best birthdays, when she blindfolded me(not for kinky shit..at least not initially) and took me to a hotel with a jacuzzi, fed me fruit, wings, and allowed me to watch sportscenter at the same time. GOOD TIMES!!

Friday is my mother's birthday, and she is having a birthday party to celebrate this and my uncle's birthday on Saturday. I have lots of family coming in from out of town, and I am not looking forward to this event at all. I love my family, don't get me wrong, but just not for long periods of time. Usually when I go visit family, I am only in town for a day or two, so its the equivalent of looking at the sun. I get in, take a quick peek, feel the warmth, and then I roll out. Everyone wins, they see me, I see them, and I'll see them in another year. Usually I have my brother with me, so that allows me to crack jokes with him, and it doesn't make the experience quite as bad. No such luck for me this Saturday. The party is from 3-9, and since its my mother's birthday, I have to put in some serious time WITHOUT my brother who has the ideal excuse of having a wife and a new born at home. I have three events I could possible use an excuses to bail early: 1)a concert 2) a party thrown by this non profit I work with and 3) a birthday party of an ex co-worker. But there is always a distinct possibility thatI could be stuck at my mom's house all night.

Oh, if you're looking for something good to read, check out my friend Faye's blog.

Groove is in the Heart - Dee Lite