Friday, January 05, 2007

While dining in my favorite Ethiopian restaurant yesterday, I noticed that one of James Brown's kids, and Al Sharpton were on the Larry King show. Now I usually don't watch Larry King show, because much like Jay Leno, he doesn't challenge the people who come on his show at all. His show is basically a soapbox, for which the guests to stand on and talk about whatever the hell they want. I like hosts who challenge their guests just a bit like Bryant Gumbel, Bill O'Reilly(i can't stand him, but he makes his guests work), and even David Letterman who doesn't just let his guests run all over him. Anyway, since the television was on mute, I decided to let my eyes fixate on the pictures and closed captions. During the interview, they kept cutting away to the creepy picture of James Brown's dead body in the Apollo Theatre. So while looking at that creepy thing, I found myself wondering what I would want my funeral to be like. And no I'm not overly morbid, suicidal, or anything like that, but the stark reality is I will die, and I will have a funeral. So when I do, here is how I want it to go.

One, the casket better be closed. I will designate someone before I die, to make sure the casket is closed, sealed and whatever else. No need to scare anyone. Two, I don't anyone singing at my funeral, because that just leads to a big cry fest, and since technically dying involves me going "home", no tears should be shed. Three, completely contradicting what I just said earlier, I want all of my exes there with their cleavage out falling all over my casket..granted they will be older, so their cleavages will be large, and Aretha Franklin like, but I want them there nonetheless..even if they are married. Fourth, I want my son, my brother and my parents if they are still living(God forbid at that point) to speak..but they are limited to 5 minutes, and that constraint will only need to be applied to my mother who can talk ANYONE under the table(yet another expression that I use, but don't know what it means). And finally, I want two songs played at my funeral. Naima by John Coltrane would be first. This is a slow ballad, and it allow those in attendance to reflect on my ass. And then, to end the celebration, I would want Luchini by Camp Lo. This is completely opposite of the Coltrane song..its festive, its happy, although no one alive really knows the words to that damn song. Still, its a feel good type song. What kind of jackass spend two paragraphs talking about his funeral....apparently I am.

Talk about a tale of two friend got back from her winter vacation the same day that I learn that my ex of 6 years is in town for the weekend. The big man upstairs is having a field day with me, and the year is only 5 days old. I'm on top of things I'm to the point now, that when I make a decision, I can hear each one of my friend's voices telling me what the right thing is to do. One friend's voice resonates a bit louder than all of the other by far(hey Jo!)



LittleTortilla stays in DC said...

My dad volunteers to sing at funerals even when people turn him down he some how sneaks into the choir loft it's weird and he makes everyone cry.

p.s. exes are exes for a reason

hadassah444 said...

Aww come on you gotta have last remarks and yeah keep the casket closed!!!!

exes are exes for a reason but what happens when you still care for them? choose wisely

Jo said...

Ahhh - don't take me too seriously . . .don't know if I have an answer for you this time, but I always, always have some thoughts.

As for your funeral . . .why don't you just get cremated. Then you certainly don't have to worry about anyone seeing you after death. And as for the titties (!) at that age they won't just be big, but they will also be wrinkled and saggy - yuck! Unless of course you plan on dying young. As for your comment about your parents being there - you certainly had me LOL about that one. I surely hope they are LONG gone when you leave this earth otherwise it will certainly be a tragedy, not to mention a loss. And as for the singing and open casket . . .no friend will be able to protect you from that if Momma Dukes is around. NO MATTER who you appoint. And you know what else . . .you didn't mention a wife . . .does this mean you are destined to bachelorhood. Pay attention all you single ladies - this one here has no vision of married-dom in his future. Let this be a lesson learned for all of the single ladies out there reading RM's blog and thinking they are the ones. (Sorry Rashad, but you set yourself up for that one.)

BTW talking someone under the table means: the person being talked at is sooooo tired of being talked at that they want to hide under the table in hopes that the person talking will shut the F up if they realize they are alone and NO ONE is listening to their blabber. I apologize in advance for all of the times I have talked you under the table! ;o)

And last Dukem is your favorite Ethiopian spot in DC? Then clearly you have not yet tried Fasikas. That is by far the best Ethiopian spot in DC. Man I see you and I need to sit down and have a talk about where to eat and chill in DC. You might stand to be schooled in that area! LOL!

Bashful said...

Cleavage? At your funeral? A pervert to the end and beyond I see. LOL!

asabi said...

dukem's my favorite place too. so im curious..did your temptation get the best of you?