Saturday, June 30, 2007

In what is starting to become a once or twice a week ritual, I am sitting here in the coffee shop paying bills, returning emails, making lists, and watching all the pseudo beautiful sexy people parade around like they are the best thing to ever grace this fine earth. I must admit it is getting more and more difficult to blog, just because I don't feel quite as comfortable with making my life an open book. When I was just making dumb decisions involving women, or struggling with custody or whatever else it is I did, I didn't feel as self conscious about things. But my life here recently has gotten real interesting and challenging, and to write about it is turning out to be non-cathartic. As soon as write about what I'm feeling I get emails and phone calls, and while I'm appreciative of the love, it is just overwhelming sometimes. And when you try to describe this to people, they give you this look like they want to shut up. So, now I am trying to be a bit more judicious with what I write about. I thought about ending this blog once my one year anniversary came, and I still may do that. As usual, my thoughts and words are all over the damn place.

I saw the movie Knocked Up last night and it was hilarious..a little too real at times, but it was good overall. And I must admit it made think twice about my decision not to have any more children. I think I would be open to have at least another child, if it was within the right circumstances. But I remain steadfast in my wish to have this done before I turn 35. I do NOT want to be in my 50s trying to raise a child. I want to be able to play with my son/daughter, not be moving around in a wheelchair or something. Its just something to think about..right now i have way more pressing needs to address.

that's all for now..


hadassah444 said...

damn, I cant believe people do that. I sure hope you don't give up this blog. Go out with a bang, Rashad!

nichole said...

fellow blog-writer and anti-socialite,

i can't say that i have that same problem with entries, but the issue i do have might be an offshoot of yours.

a friend will see something i wrote and get offended that i didn't tell her/him, and that s/he had to learn about it by reading a public document.

and it's hard to explain that while i wanted to talk about it, i didn't want to *talk* about it.
i don't want a dialogue.
i just want it out of my head.

knocked up was fantastic. lol.
i screamed at the coochie shots.
all THREE of them.