Monday, June 11, 2007

One would think that I would know and understand that I cannot take naps during the day, because I will definitely feel it when it gets to be the midnight hour or later, and such a thing happened to me yet again last night. I took two naps yesterday. One around 10-11am(I woke up 7am), and then I took another about 1pm, and that last one pretty much cemented my fate. Right after I wrote an article about that massacre of a game 2 of the NBA finals, I attempted to go to sleep, but it wasn't happening. I'll spare you the gory details of my 5 hour toss and turn session and skip to the good part. I'm operating on 30 minutes sleep, and I feel incredibly cranky, and not just because I happened to miss the last episode of the Sopranos. With the hours I've been sleeping lately, I really need to look into becoming a truck driver or something. Maybe I should start working out at night or something who knows. But this is bad for my nerves man.

Much like on Friday, I am not going to say too much about last night's game until my article gets published. But I will say this: CLEARLY the Spurs are better than the Pistons. When the Cavs were down 0-2 to the Pistons, they could at least say they were close to winning both games. No such luck this time though. I think the Cavs will win game 3, and maybe even game 5, but they are still going to lose this series. The Spurs are just too efficient at what they do.

Has someone ever done something for you that was really nice and genuine, and you say thank to you them, and you even send them note, but it still feel vastly inadequate? This is how I feel when thanking people who have given me gifts since the fire. I have said thank you countless times, and I am 100% genuine and sincere when I say it, but somehow it still doesn't feel like enough. Perhaps that is some of my phantom guilt that my friend Jolanda was talking about, or maybe I just feel like no matter what I do, I cannot properly thank people for helping me out. I don't think i'm accurately capturing how I feel right now. Now I know how my ex felt, when I would give her a compliment and she would immediately get uncomfortable. There are some people who know how to graciously accept help, gifts, compliments etc. And then you have socially challenged people like me, who are genuinely uncomfortable with attention given to them. I will say this though..I am much better at it now, than I was a few weeks back. Perhaps that's one of the many lessons I am supposed to learn.

I bet if you re-read all of my entries, and you would find that I write the wackest blog entries on Monday. I have no focus, no drive, fatigue is a factor, and it just feels very disjointed. I could definitely benefit from more cowbell on Mondays.

Alien Ant Farm - Smooth Criminal


Sha said...

Dang..lack of sleep sucks..the game sucked..bah's monday

hadassah444 said...

The sports writing was once again excellent!!!

Once we confuse our faults to one another, life is so much easier. I see your evolving, Rashad. Yeah its is what it is. **blows trucker horn** Cheer up!!!

Jo said...

It's always going to be hard to accept gifts from others. Especially since you were raised to provide for and take care of yourself.

You are not alone in that category. I too have a hard time accepting gifts and compliments. I often don't know what to say . . .it's really awkward.

So no, you are not alone . . . you are just experiencing it in ten fold right now. Enjoy the experience and savor the love!