Thursday, November 29, 2007

I have random thoughts today...

-What is it about being in an elevator alone that makes you want to do a series of hard hip thrusts, as if you're in a Bobby Brown or a R Kelly video. I got in the elevator this morning, I posted myself against the wall away from the buttons in the elevator so that when people ran to catch the door, I couldn't easily hit the "door open" button, and then the doors closed. As soon as they closed, I did about 5 hip thrusts in a row with my jacket open, and then I calmly walked out. I feel a bit naughty, yet liberated.

-My office is having a 70s Holiday party, which quite possibly may be the dumbest shit I have ever heard of in my life. The holiday season has enough pull to stand on its own. You can include mistletoe, ornaments, xmas trees, a menorah, a kinara, and a cd full of holiday music. So to jazz up the holiday by adding a 70's theme to it, is WAY extra and just plain stupid to me. However, since I blew off the holiday planning meeting, I suppose I can't talk. But what I CAN do, is magically get sick or leave early on that day. In fact, I will cook something, put in a disposable dish, bring it to the party, and then slip out early. I want no parts of anything having to do with the 70s at this point, except the music.

-why do people yawn with their mouths open? If you're in your office or if you're home alone I suppose this is acceptable behavior. But if you are in the middle of a crowded train, and you just open your mouth wide with no regard for others, that is a violation of epic proportions. When its early in the morning, your breath smells like one of three things: 1)coffee 2)cigarettes or 3)ass..although there is a fourth option, but that's not suitable for me to type on this here family blog. The point is, it takes minimal effort to take your hand and cover your mouth. When I saw this woman in front of me yawning with reckless abandon, I really wanted to stuff something in her mouth, but my zipper was stuck.

-Trying to get off the phone with my parents sometimes is like Neo trying to find a ringing phone in the matrix. It isn't easy to find an out at all. My dad and I can have about 30 minutes of strong conversation, then we get to what I like to call the "reaching portion" of the conversation. This is when everything has been talked about, but neither one of us wants to be the one to get off of the telephone. So my father proceeds to ask me, "So what else is going on?" about 567 times. And then I proceed to ask him something mundane like, "so what music have you bought lately?", and this bullshit goes on for a good 15-20 minutes, and it is just brutal. Last night, I used dinnertime as an out. Other nights I pretend someone is on the other line, and one time, at band camp, while my father was talking, I called my boy Cliff on the land line and asked him to call my cell phone so I could be free. When I told my dad Cliff was on the other line, he said, oh tell Cliff I said hi, I said, "Will do", and I got the hell off the phone.

Carousel - Michael Jackson

6 comments:

Sha said...

terrible
thee end!

tia said...

how do you yawn with your mouth closed?

lex said...

once i had like the ultimate wedgie and was on the elevator by myself but i couldn't take it out because there were cameras. the ride up to the 35th floor was excruciating.

as far as office parties, i pretty much hate them, and it sucks that if you beg off one too many times you look like you aren't a team player

btw you are killing me with these MJ gems.

hadassah said...

The security camera guys are probably like, "what a nut case" LOL

Janelle said...

I can't wait for the building securty team to post your MJ thrusts on YouTube. hahahahahahahahaha

The worst is being on the elevator and getting caught doing the peepee dance by the security camera. hahahahahahahaa

LittleTortilla stays in DC said...

My building has elevator operators :(