Tuesday, November 20, 2007

If I had an infinite amount of time on my hands, I would focus all my efforts into accomplishing things: 1)Stalking the paparazzi and 2)going get a writing job in Hollywood. Stalking the paparazzi might be the more difficult of the two, but I would try my hardest to make it happen. I would pay close attention to the closing credits of all those shows that are so annoying like Access Hollywood, TMZ.com and the like, and if I could I would obtain a list of the camermen, producers, and writers too. At this point, I would gather all of the people I knew who were crazy enough to pursue such an endeavor, and we'd stalk these people. I would get them at the grocery store, in front of their houses, on the way to the gym, and I would be sure to stick the cameras and the mics as close to their faces as I could. And then I would ask important questions like, "Where are you going?", "What are you wearing?", "How does it feel to have such a dumbass job?", and then I would post all of my encounters on the internets for all to see. There's just no way in the world, they could feel comfortable with that type of invasion. Of course no one has this kind of time, so these jackasses continue to get away with stalking the stars. As I told my ladyfriend, if I got famous, and they wanted to follow me around, I would pull my genitals out and play with them each and every time. The rationale? If you're going to follow me around all like that, at least I can get money's worth.

The second idea, and the one that may be a bit more realistic for me, is for me to fly to LA or NY and get a job as a writer. All of these writers are picketing and striking and with good reason, but I could use this as my shot to be famous. I could go to a favorite show of mine (Daily Show with Jon Stewart for example), tell him I would work for free, and I would ask him to let me write two shows for him. He would have nothing to lose, and I would have everything to gain. If the shows sucked, he could kick me out, and I would fade into oblivion (or Bolivian as Mike Tyson says). But if the shows are good, and Jon Stewart and his audience like and support me, then I could definitely parlay that into a full time job as a writer in Hollywood or New York. I'm sure the writers who were striking wouldn't appreciate that, but the consensus seems to be that after the holiday season, they will all be back to work, so I wouldn't be taking money from them. I have actually given this a decent amount of thought, and the grand wheels in my head are turning as to how I could make this happen. The walls of this blog are getting a bit restrictive.

Young, Gifted and Black - Big Daddy Kane

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