Friday, November 09, 2007

So, in what has become the norm since this Daylight Savings Time b.s has been in effect, I woke up at 5am today, and I have not gone back to sleep. I turned on Sportscenter, watched it for a bit, and then they went to a commercial, which freed me to channel surf a bit. I stopped on the Discovery Channel, and this is when my adventures began.

Initially I stopped at that channel, because I saw a woman on her back with her breast out, and instantly I was intrigued. Then as the camera angle got wider, I was able to see what was REALLY going on, and that was a woman giving birth. The breast that I saw was actually just a wardrobe malfunction, because I never saw that breast again during the 7 minutes or so I was watching. This woman was in some kind of room giving birth. Behind her was someone holding her head and keeping her relaxed. In front of her was the doctor I assume, and there were two other individuals in the room keeping score I guess, who knows why they were there. The interesting thing about this childbirth, and the reason why I didn't change the channel initially is that this entire operation was underwater. The doctor's lower half was underwater and the pregnant woman had just a little more of her body underwater as well, and I found that to be fascinating. That fascination quickly subsided, when the cruel cameraman decided to enable the zoom function. He zoomed in close and tight enough so that I could see the baby's head coming out(crowning I believe is the official term), but still I could not turn away. I can't even begin to name all of the things that were coming out of this woman, but after many faces and much pain, the pale baby came out and everyone in the room rejoiced. I have some observations after watching that display:

1)Childbirth is NOT a beautiful thing. The foreplay leading up to making the child is wonderful. Making the child is simply beautiful. Watching a woman as her stomach gets bigger I could see as beautiful. And once the baby comes out and the woman is no longer in pain, that too is a beautiful thing. But the pain, the pushing, the blood, the faces made, the pain, the grip the pregnant woman had on her helper's hand and the pain? No beauty there my friend. None at all.

2)When I get married and my wife gives birth, I promise you that she won't be the only on drugs in that hospital room

3)I want a female doctor delivering my child. I don't care how unsexy the childbirth process is, no way in hell is a dude going to get that much of a free look at my lady's nether regions.

Baby Don't Cry - Lalah Hathaway

3 comments:

NEIM said...

Ha, I woke up at 4:30 because of that damned day light savings. Still haven't set my clock.

tia said...

this might be my favorite lalah hathaway song...ok it's second to "let me love you"

lex said...

i remember the boys at school would bring in issues of national geographic to ogle at women's breasts. weirdos.

But yeah, pregnancy is pretty much gross. I'm only willing to do it for the boobies. oh yeah the kid too.

and lol @ you being all lucy in the sky with diamonds while your wife is in labor