Monday, April 28, 2008

I feel guilty about calling off work today to be honest with you. Its about 50 degrees, it pouring down rain, and I'm sure my boss thinks that I'm just blowing off the job today because of that. But in reality, I had about 2 hours of sleep last night, and I when I woke up this morning, I just couldn't see myself making it through the day at all. So I called off, went back to sleep, and I woke up just now, and what is my reward for sleeping in late? I see a commercial for Depends that features two older women on a motorcycle. I'm all for Depends, but something about motorcycle riding and Depends just doesn't match. I should go to work just to avoid seeing that commercial again.

Speaking of commercials, last night during my bout with insomnia, I saw about 34 commercials for male genitalia enhancement products. These products allegedly make you bigger, stronger, faster and harder, and they do a pretty good job of convincing you of this in their commercials. Now at 33 years old, I can say that equipment is still functioning like it was when I was 23.(I'll spare you the details). I am quite sure that at some point, I am due for a dropoff in performance, and at the point I'll probably need some of these magical products. But I can't sit here and lie and tell you I'm not curious about these products now. We'll call it there Barry Bonds theory.

Prior to allegedly taking performance enhancing drugs, Barry was considered to be one of the top 10 baseball players of all time. But Barry saw other players getting more love for hitting home runs, so he decided to start taking drugs, that would cause his already great numbers to go through the roof, and successfully did. So 3 or 4 times a year, I wouldn't mind(and i'm sure my woman wouldn't either) wonder what its like to have superhuman phallus powers with the assistance of drugs like these. Unfortunately, I'll never go through it because 1)my ego is too big and 2)I'm convinced that there were be some side effect that the FDA finds two years from now that is bad. And it would be just my luck that the side effect causes my genitals to disappear one morning. I can't go out like that.

My team is almost out of options.

I'm going back to bed.

Harder, Better, Faster Stronger - Daft Punk


lex said...

Thank you for sparing us the details. :P

but yeah, those commercials are weird and they often pop up at strange times.

like one time the enzyte advert came on when it was just me and my grandparents innocently watching tv. there was a lull in the convo and all of a sudden im sitting with the grands and we're all watching a commercial about penis enhancement. awkward! and you know their commercials are laden with innuendo so im trying to act like i dont get what their gettin at.

"enhancement" commercials, and "feminine product" commercials. never a convenient time for any of them.

Chubbs said...

You know what else bothers me...why is it that tampon commercials always center around women doing gymnastics, mountain-climbing, or doing some insanely dangerous feat? Why can't I just chill on my couch, and be in a commercial for tampons, u know?

And I get about 15 emails per week about penis enlargement.

Jo said...


I get those e-mails, too.

What's up with that?

Clearly this world we live in MUST be sex crazy! RM, you are NOT alone!

LOL! - jo