Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Yesterday was my first day back at work in a week, and I can best characterize my day as 8 hours of hell. First and foremost, I had not been separated from my lady for that long in about 8 days, so I was having serious withdrawal symptoms. I felt like I was letting her and myself down by not staying home with her another day to take care of her, although she kept assuring me she was fine. Then while I was at work, I kept messing up big time. It was taking me too long to complete tasks, I had to get clarification three and four times on things that I should have known instantly; I had numerous emails to navigate through, and I was drawing a blank on the proper response; I sneaked in about 2 or 3 crying sessions, and then I had to hurry up and clean up the tears so no one asked me if I was ok and felt sorry for me. Last but certainly not least, I had not been to the barber in almost 2 weeks, so I was looking like Ricky Williams. And I did not even mention my doctor's appointment earlier that morning, when my doctor told me to lay off the red wine for 3 months. I need today to be at better day.

Between being at the hospital last week and resting at home this week, I do believe that I have seen the Oprah Winfrey show at least 4 times. The topics ranged from money to health to Chris Rock to Ben Stiller, and I sat there with my lady (and sometimes her sister) and watched them all, totally ignoring the unspoken oath I had taken with men all over the world never to watch an entire episode. I still think the show is a bit boring and over the top, but man what I wouldn't do to get on Oprah for just a 15 minute segment. Ideally I would have a book that I had just written, and it would have caught the eye of someone on Oprah's staff, and they'd convince her to have me on the show. I would push my book,, my blog, and any other body of work friends of mine had produced. Who knows if I would reach my full 15 minutes of fame, but it is certainly worth a try.

I know I did this already, but I want to thank everyone again for being so supportive during this difficult time. Most of you who read this blog have never even met my ladyfriend, and those of you who have met me have probably been annoyed with me for one reason or another, and I don't exactly make it easy to be my friend sometimes. Still, people showed love, avoided asking me deeply probing questions, sent up prayers and made this ongoing grieving process a bit better. That is touching and I appreciate that. I promise to minimize the amount of sappy shit I write on the blog from now on too. I need to have some areas of my life that are untouched by what happened, and I think the blog will be the first one from now on (I know I'm not supposed to end sentences with a preposition, but I'm an English major I can do that, and you cannot).

Kurt Elling - Undun
Mr Elling is one of my favorite jazz singers right now, so I'm sharing a live version of this song. Perhaps you'll like it too


JazzBrew said...

Man.... you gotta hit the barber and fast. No one should run around looking like Ricky Williams in that picture. Not even Ricky.

Kurt Elling is incredibly soulful and his phrasing is on par with Sinatra. That sax solo was crucial. I actually didn't get hip to his singing till I saw him on stage with Terence Blanchard at the Kennedy Center.

Miss. Lady said...

If you have the ability to work from home you ought to push for it... it is the best thing since sliced bread.

Oh and about the hair I second Jazz Brew's comments. The clippers are calling for you.

rashad said...

jazzbrew and misslady,
i neglected to mention in the blog, that I visited the barber last night. so its a billy dee not a ricky williams situation right now

Arlene said...

Hi Rashad, Welcome back to blog world. I can't say returning to work is the best thing for you right now. Frankly, I can't say what's best for you period! Thank you for loving my daughter during this very intense and difficult time. Aubrey and I are sending you an My Lady mega Love& Blessings.

P.S. My hair looks like Ricky Williams, and I don't even know who the hell he is. hahhaa!

£ said...

rashad its understandable that u would be a bit flustered after everything. you're hanging in there and that's all that anyone can ask.

and dude you never fail to make me laugh. lol @ you rocking the ricky williams. (im glad u got it cut :P)

and LOL @ arlene's comment - her hair looks like ricky williams and she doesn't know who he is. i read that and near fell out my chair! hysterical :)

Janelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janelle said...

I agree with everyone on here. Everything you've been feeling and going through is to be expected.

But ummmmmm I'm sooo happy you got that Ricky Williams sitchiation handled. Its not even Halloween yet and you scaring lil kids and shit. hahahahahahaa
And by Billy Dee, do you mean you got a conk up in your dome???? And carrying a bottle of Colt 45 wherever you go??? I'm just sayin'

one soulful negro. said...

keeping on pushing my brotha. i would like to say you're an inspiration to a young cat to me. to be pushing through and persevering through this entire situation is beyond commendable. your lady is blessed to have such a caring and willing man. i am still praying and thinking about you two. it's weird i find myself telling my friends to pray for you and your lady as well, i tell them to pray for my friends who have just suffered one of the biggest misfortunes, and i think what is funny for is...i don't know you, i've never met you, yet i still feel this intense connection to both you and your lady. take care man...and i am glad you got that hair

btw. KURT ELLING IS THE SHIT! i have been a fan of his since '04 and tell you...kurt just hands down is the epitome...of it all.

rashad said...

one soulful negro,
Thank you very much, I appreciate the prayers

sixfive said...

No need to minimize any sappiness my friend, this is YOUR blog.