So last night my lady and I were watching the 200th episode of Inside the Actor's Studio with James Lipton and Dave Chappelle. This has been one of my favorite shows over the past 14 years, and Chappelle is definitely one of my favorite comedians, so I tuned in because I knew I was going to laugh. Not only was I tuned in intently, but I shunned the first half of Monday Night Football to see this show, so you KNOW that's serious.

But there was one moment during the show that was not funny at all, and it stayed with me all night and this morning too. The show was filled with clips from older shows, and one of these clips featured actor Gene Hackman. James Lipton asked him to discuss the circumstances surrounding around his father's departure, and Hackman calmly began to talk. He mentioned that he was outside playing with friends, and his father drove by and kind of waved nonchalantly, and it wasn't until later that he realize that was going to be the last time he ever saw his father. Then, out of nowhere, Hackman had to stop talking because the tears were coming, and he was trying desperately to stop them. Once he had semi-composed himself, he joked around and said, "It's only been 65 years". And THAT is what struck me. 65 years later, his lack of a father, still affects him. That is deep.

In my lifetime I have dated women without fathers, I have good male friends without fathers, and I have even watched my father go through his older years without the benefit of his father's presence, and it is a lot like having a venereal disease(it sounds bad, but bear with me). You can manage the effects, minimize the pain, and on some days you can even forget that its there, but you will never, even shake it completely, and watching Hackman brought that home for me. I am lucky that my father has been a part of my life for all of my 33 years on this earth. And even now, if he was no longer a part of my life, I would be absolutely devastated.

This was meant to be a father appreciation, but I have no idea whether its coming off that way..oh well.

I'm off today, and I have no idea what to do with myself. My doctor's appointment was cancelled, I was supposed to have lunch with dad and my boy Kevin, but I've heard from no one, so I'm sitting here in my living room, in my drawers. Good times. Perhaps I'll watch an episode of Californication now.

Lalah Hathaway and Marcus Miller - When Your Life Was Low