Saturday, November 01, 2008

Today is the birthday party for my 2 year old nephew Nazir. I have known about this party for exactly two weeks, and my decision about whether I should attend has wavered about 22 times. Initially, my answer was hells no. My lady and I had just lost the baby, and the thought of having to be around a bunch of babies was just a bit too much for me to wrap my arms around at that particular moment. Then I thought about how disappointed my brother would be if the rest of the family (including my mother and father) were there, but his big brother was not, so I made the decision to go. Then I thought about how many times someone at the party would ask me if I was ok, or how I holding up, and how much that would annoy the shit out of me, so I again decided to sit it out. My lady had pretty much decided she was NOT going to go, and I totally understood why. But I was jealous that she was able to be so finite with her decision while I flip flopped on mine like John Kerry on the beach.

So on Thursday, I decided I would stop being a punk, and just show up. I got some gift ideas from my brother, I told him I was coming and I pretty comfortable with my decision. If I cry or lose it, at least I'm with family. If my emotions are in check, I will be able to have a great time with family. The irony here, is that I sincerely doubt that my nephew will even remember I was there, let alone appreciate what it took for me to be there. Then again, that type of naivete and cluelessness are what being a kid is all about right? I gotta figure out a way to get back there.

What Child Is This - Vanessa Williams
I know it ain't Christmas, but I love this song

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