Thursday, February 05, 2009

People who can't control their children, along with people who cannot control their pets, need to be beaten savagely with the same thick wooden bat. Failure to control your kids usually ends up in you crying on the Today show, talking about please help me find Katelynn or Tasha. Failure to control your pets, either gets somebody bitten, or your pet mildly assaulted. Allow to explain.

This morning I was vacillating between a tall cup of Caramel Apple Cider from Starbucks, or my regular breakfast of dry cereal and fruit. As I was walking towards Starbucks minding my own business, just mind my own business right, I noticed a woman who was bundled up, and holding a leash with a dog on the end of it. There was a lot of leash in between the lady and the dog, but since it was before 7am in the morning, there was nobody on the road, nobody on the street, . But this woman clearly saw me approaching, and it was plainly obvious that I would not have a clear path passed this dog, unless she tightened that leash a bit. Still, the lady didn't budge.

As I got closer to the mutt, I had self defense on the brain, because this dog looked like a troublemaker, and sure enough I was right. This dog started barking at me, it tried to bite the handle of my briefcase, and then he tried to get at my gloved hand. The owner of the dog kept yelling the dog's name (a tried and true formula of course) and then kept yelling at the dog to stop and sit, but either this dog was deaf, or he really wanted to bother me, because he never stopped his pursuit. But this jackass of an owner, never pulled the leash toward her so that the dog would choke on it and retreat. At this point it was clear I wasn't going to get by without assaulting the dog, and that's exactly what I did.

Because I had gloves on I was feeling bold, and I basically mushed (in case you don't know, mushing is when you place your hand on a person or an animals face, and then push it. I should make a youtube instructional video) the dog twice in the face and walked on by, and glared at the dog and its owner as if to say, "What?!?!". Then I looked reached in my pocket to turn the volume down on my ipod, and I looked at the owner and said thanks a lot ma'am, and she said(in one word I might add), "Ohmygodimsosorryohmygodareyouok?".

Bitch please.

My lady doesn't like for me to use that word, but you know what? Its too fitting here to pass up. And no I didn't say that to the lady, I was thinking it.

Something Special - Patti Austin (produced by Quincy Jones)
yeah the video sucks, but the song is great, Patti's vocals are too, and the bass guitarist doesn't do a bad job either

5 comments:

Miss. Lady said...

To bad you did not have any mace on you....lol.

Jazzbrew said...

Sounds like homegirl needed the Dog Whisper and some common sense. Folks like that give pet owners a bad name...

Jamal said...

You should of kicked the dog. She knew what she was doing.

maxwellsmusze said...

sounds like a case of a racist dog to me...

Chubbs said...

can you please make a youtube instructional video on mushing. pleassssse! I want to post it on my blog, and put it on my iPod.