Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I would like to take this time to apologize to everyone who reads my blog everyday, just comes here to be nosy, looks at the pictures, downloads music, or steals my jokes. It has been brought to my attention by my doctor, that an odd substance has been found in my blood, that has allegedly enhanced my writing performances since '06. As you may or may not know I did a lot of hanging out in bars in 2006, and I talked to some questionable women, with even more questionable intentions and clearly one of them slipped me some time type of drug, that inflated my ability to convey the events of my life. I was writing all kinds of dazzling things, thinking I had achieved some type of writing zone, when in reality, strange substances had penetrated my body and made themselves right at home.

As you know, I have been working out diligently over the past few months, and those foreign substances have slowly been making their way out of my body, causing my blog to absolutely suck over the past couple of months or so. I can occasionally summon my past greatness, but I'm no longer able to hit it consistently (that's what he said). I tried to explain this away as writer's block awhile back, but I cannot in good conscience, keep that lie going on any longer. I don't however, take any blame for this happening to me, because it was unknowingly done. If I were left to my own devices, I would come out and give 200% each and every day. Most people stop at 110%, but I'm able to push it to 200(with performance enhancing substances, I was up to 500%).

I vow to keep writing everyday to re-achieve that natural greatness. The writer's block that has swallowed me whole recently, will soon subside I hope. I also hope to avoid pejorative assassinations of my character. I wasn't trying to get ahead..I was tricked during an unfortunate state of vulnerability called "beingsinglewhileatabar". Perhaps you've heard of it.

Thank you for your time, and shouts out to my boys Roger, Alex, Manny and Barry. We're keeping it gully in the '09.

Too High - Stevie Wonder


Janelle said...

Is this your speech you gave at the congressional hearings about your unwittingly taking perfomance enhancement substances??? And most importantly, please tell my elected official didn't fall for it?? hahahahaaa

rashad said...

I had another famous drug using beisbol player ghostwrite my testimony, so I cannot recall what I said...