Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I've never discussed this with other men to see where they stand on this issue, but I'm not one to purchase underwear very often. It's not so much that I hunt and peck for the highest quality that underwear has to offer, I just seem to have an uncanny ability to stretch and get the maximum wear out of them. Often times to an outside, untrained eye, underwear with thinning fabric and inconvenient holes means its time to put them to sleep, but I don't give up so easily. I will basically wear underwear until its clear that my junk will no longer have a safe, secure home, and then I'll reluctantly throw them out.

So this morning I threw away a pair of underwear that had been in heavy rotation for a good five years. When I went to put them on, I noticed that I could see right through them--presumably that last wash cycle it endured caused extreme tearing because there was no way I could comfortably wear those with the dress slacks I was trying to wear today. I took them off, looked at them longingly, and then I threw them away. I then went back and surveyed my underwear collection, and I made a depressing observation.

Not only am I getting low on underwear in general, but I only have two pairs of underwear with the hole in front. The rest of my underwear are of "no fly zone" variety which means when I visit the urinal, I have to create miracles just to free my junk. I don't know why any man would create this type of underwear, and I fail to see the advantages of such an invention. When a man is at a urinal in the bathroom, it is a looking-at-the-sun situation. You get in there, you quickly do your business, and then you look away and leave. There's no lingering, no extra movement, and definitely no fumbling with your no-fly-zone underwear trying to free your junk. Yet today and every other day this week until I go shopping, I will be doing just that. If dress slacks weren't so thin, I'd go commando.

Fast Changes - Seal


scout said...

LOL. All i can say! ahahaha!

David M. Williams said...

Personally, I've generally found the fly front more bother than "going over the top." The exception is Jockey Y-fronts. the opening is closer to horizontal and easier to get out of and into.

Now, if your dress pants are too tight, you might have difficulty with your "no fly zones", but the problem is with the pants, not the briefs.