Thursday, September 17, 2009

I'm about to bitch and moan about the lifeguard who was on duty while I was swimming this morning, so if this annoys you, please change the channel.

Each and every morning I get to gym at around 5:57am, and the security guard/front desk person lets me in the building. I go to the locker room, I change, I use the bathroom then I shower, and by the time my body hits the warm water of the pool it is usually between 6:05 and 6:10am. A couple of times, the lifeguard at my pool sees me coming in the gym before 6am (which is when the building technically opens) and tells me that I cannot get in the pool before 6, and I tell him no problem. Not ONCE, in the 7 months I have been swimming, have I ever gotten in the pool before 6..I am aware of the rules.

So two weeks ago, the friendly woman who works the front desk, pulls me aside and says that this jackass lifeguard has been complaining that I arrive too early. He went on to say that he is not responsible for me and my welfare before 6am, and I annoy him by coming before then. I tell the lady thank you, and I decide to take the high road, and not say anything. Never mind that I wouldn't even be able to get into the damn building if someone didn't let me in; never mind that I don't set foot in the pool until 5 or 10 after the hour; and never mind that during the time when he's "not responsible for my welfare", all I'm doing is stripping down to my swim trunks and showering..hardly risky business. Still, my lady and others tell me I'm too confrontational, so I decided to relax.

So yesterday while I'm swimming, I decided to step things up and swim at a faster pace for 45 minutes without stopping. During the first 35 minutes of my swim, the lifeguard is nowhere to be found. Then, as the pool gets more crowded, he comes poolside and watches everyone swim...something he should have been doing all along. Now mind you, I have been swimming pretty damn fast for 35 minutes, and I am tired, but I'm determined to finish strong. The jackass stops me as I am making the turn to swim to the other side, and the following convo goes down:

Him: I noticed your left arm is dragging a bit, you need to lift it out of the water a bit you know?
Me: Blank stare
Him: Look at that guy (he points to some other guy who just got in the pool) and look how high his arms are, that's what you need to do buddy, lift and push*
Me: Blank stare
Him: Just give it a tr...
Me: Already swimming to the other side

*Not to be confused with lift and separate which is what you when you're behind your lady mid coitus

Now, back in February and March, I needed his advice, because I was scared, clueless and lost in the pool. But I'm 6 or 7 months deep in this swimming game, and I am relatively well schooled in the art of navigating my ass through the pool. But I was in the midst of trying to swim faster and harder for a specific period of time, which meant as I tried my mechanics would suffer. I wasn't concerned about that. But I don't owe this fool an explanation. Once I finished swimming, he tried to give me part two of his swim lesson, and I tactfully and politely said, "Man I got this", and walked away.

This morning when I got to the pool at 5:58, he saw me, said good morning, then looked at his watch, and it is at that point, that I decided to abandon the high road. I didn't go into the locker room right away, and this convo happened:

Me: You want me to sit out here in the lobby until 6? I know its early
Him: Oh no no no, you can go in, it cool
Me: Are you sure, because I don't you to be prematurely accountable
Him: Its cool man, its cool
Me: Will I hear your colleagues tell me otherwise later?
Him: Just don't get in the pool before 6am, that's all I ask
Me (getting closer to him): Since I've been coming here, have I ever gotten in the pool before 6?
Him: I'm not sure, but I don't know
Me: I haven't, so why are you so damn uptight?
Him: Look, I'm just doing my job
Me: And a fine job you do my friend

End of convo.

I shouldn't have this kind of anger when all I'm trying to do is swim and get svelte, but I do. I know how irrational this may seem to some people, but my attempts to be responsible and mature on the high road, failed miserably. Speaking of annoying pool people...


Sab D said...

Man, you got me doing that hand clutching gesture Martin was doing in Boomerang over that lifeguard - dude was tripping

maxwellsmusze said...

To see Ramon?

Janelle said...

And to think I was looking forward to the new season of Curb your Enthusiasm. I forgot, I have my own Larry David as a friend. hahahahahahaaa

I would have decked the life guard though. I kid, I kid. hahahahaha