Saturday, November 07, 2009

This morning while I was in the barbershop, my barber was explaining to me what his plans for Thanksgiving were going to be. He and his ladyfriend planned to drive down to South Carolina to see his family, and then head back two days later. He explained to me that his parents were dead, and he really didn't get along with much of the family he had left. Then I asked him if he was going to visit his daughter (she's 24) and he paused a bit and said no. Apparently his son-in-law is both physically and mentally abusive, and despite repeated pleas from everyone on the family, his daughter refuses to leave him. I asked him what keeps him from going over there and strangling this guy to death, and he said that if his daughter won't leave, he can't do much for her or to him.

Now I certainly understand that sentiment in the rational side of my brain, because ideally, you cannot make an adult do something that they aren't feeling. But, I swear, as my late grandmother as my witness, if my daughter was being abused physically or any other way, I'd make my way to scene of the crime, inflict bodily harm on this guy(the kind that would keep me out of jail), snatch up my daughter and any kids she may have, and have her either live with me until she came to her senses or help find her a place. Its probably not the right thing to do, but I'll be goddamned if I stand back and watch that kind of thing happen to someone I helped to create.

My barber heard my points and nodded his head, but said to me, "That's not how you do things young brother..she'll leave when she's ready.'

I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer here, I just wanted to share and maybe get some feedback


soft and subtle said...

Unfortunately your barber is right chief. I helped someone in a similar situation; not only was the person being abused, the individuals belongings were destroyed in the process. I took them out of the situation, bought them new clothes, food, and even had them staying with me. I even took off work and appeared in court with the individual to file charges on the Subject and get a protection order. With all that said, the individual (months later) ended up going BACK to the abusive spouse. I still don't particularly like the guy but what do you do? Unfortunately, you get between your family or friends business and "you" end up fighting and becoming enemies with someone that's going to (9 out of 10) end up back in that individual’s life. I guess, all you can do is help when you can (when their ready to receive it) and allow them to go through their own path in life. You just have to pray that the path doesn’t lead to destruction (death).

sixfive said...

"she'll leave when she's ready"? WTF. Nah man, she might never leave and end up a broken person if she isnt already, or be killed. I understand the whole "if she's not ready.." but physical abuse is criminal. Dude needs to be put away..and praying won't keep someone from being abused or killed. Sorry, this got me heated!