Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I will now present to you my flawed theory on the four types of parents there are in this world. Feel free to disagree, agree or say nothing (like you do to all my Hoops Addict articles..by the way click here to hear me and my main man Ryan talk about pressing issues in basketball.).

The first type of parent is the person who really never wanted to have kids, yet, through some errant ejaculation or circumstance, they find themselves having one(or some). They try and try to force themselves to care, and be good parents, but they never really get it together. These types of parents are constant flight risks, they never really and truly try, and once the kids get older(or while they are young), they deeply resent the sub par effort their parent gave. These are also the types of parents who kill, abandon, neglect and sell their kids. Sorry to be so graphic, but the news provides me with endless material.

The second type of parent is what I like to call the rabbit. In track and field, the rabbit (or the pace setter) will show up and run extremely fast for part of the race, just to get the rest of the field running at a faster pace, than they may have otherwise done on their own. Once the fast pace is set, the rabbit gracefully bows out and stops running. In parent terms, this is the person who is perfect for the child from birth to about 12 or 13. They can teach the kid to write, read, do homework, dress, potty train, speak and all the good stuff that is reinforced in kindergarten thru the 8th grade years. This type of parent is very important, because it usually gives the child their first bit of confidence. Unfortunately, the abilities of these types of parents tend to peak at age 12 or 13. This parent doesn't really know how to deal with the teenager version of their child, and when and if the kid starts to unravel, they still rely on earlier tactics and strategies which are dated, antiquated and ineffetive in the older years. A single parent who has this flaw, runs the risk of losing their kid for awhile. In a married or long term relationship type atmosphere, this parent is ok as long as they are with the third type of parent which is...

The finisher. The finisher (obviously) is the exact opposite of the rabbit or pacesetter. This parent does not do a bad job at tending to the child from birth to 12, but they don't do a good job either. They will piggyback (I hate that term, but it fit so well here..that's what she said)off what the rabbit parent says and does, and they will do their very best to be a good parent in the formative years, but it simply is not their strength. But once that kid turns 13, and starts dealing with puberty, the opposite sex, college issues, more critical thinking and complex homework, this parent turns into a superhero. All of a sudden they have the right answers for the child, and everything is alright. Unfortunately, if this type of parent doesn't have a rabbit around, the 13 year old version of the kid that falls in their lap is not receptive to them, and their powers are nullified.

And finally we have the Cosby parents. These are the parents that are dynamite from start to finish..except they never really finish. They go from being parents to their child, to friends to their adult children, and although they aren't perfect, they strive to be close to it. This is the gold standard of parenthood everyone should strive to be..in my humble opinion.

Now..my parents were Cosby parents (despite my glaring flaws and shortcomings). My lady will be a Cosby parent. My brother is a Cosby parent. My son's mother is the rabbit parent, and I highly suspect that I am the closer type of parent, which is why its time for my son to live with me. She's carried him as far as he can go, and although I know it'll hurt her to let go, its time to do just that for his benefit.

Think this will hold up in court?

Jesus Children of America - Stevie Wonder


Jazzbrew said...

Works for me. Case closed. What's next on the docket?

maxwellsmusze said...

damn you broke it down! and i have to agree on all those types. just thinking about all zillion of my cousins and the parents that raised them, they all fall nicely into one of the 4. job well done rashad! i agree w/jazzbrew. you get the kid.

Kawana Cohen-Hopkins said...

Damn! I was hoping I wouldn't be a rabbit but I have a feelign I am. Hubby is sureky the finisher because he gets along with kids 8 and up more than I do.

Miss. Lady said...

If you can just get a certified professional to back up your theory then you are golden.