Wednesday, April 28, 2010

When you are driving your car, and your oil and/or gas levels are getting dangerously low, there is a bright red light that illuminates your dashboard. At that point, you know that in the next few hours or days, you need to rectify that situation, so that you can continue to reach optimal performance with your car.

It is the same type of deal with your ipod. There is a small bar at the top of your ipod that lets you know how much battery life you have before your favorite tunes are no longer blaring through the headphones. If you're like me, you rarely let that little green bar get more than half empty, before you re-charge your ipod. I listen to it at work, while I work out, and sometimes in the shower, so I need it to be charged. The point here is that the levels are always gauged, and decisions and actions are made as a result.

I propose to you that the same thing should be done with a woman's cycle. Allow me to explain.

Yesterday, around noon or so, I was feeling particularly frisky, and in my mind I fast-forwarded to the trim I was going to try to obtain later that evening. I didn't know how or exactly when it was going to happen, I just knew that before I laid my head (the top one) down to sleep, I(the fiancee too) was going to be smiling and fulfilled. I began flirting a bit just to let her know where my head (still the top one) was, and I think she caught on to where I was coming to speak.

I left work, got my haircut (not because I was getting some, but because I was looking like Ricky Williams) and I headed home. I stepped thru the door, got a kiss, and then the lady told me that she was knee deep in the Crimson Tide that had arrived just minutes beforehand and no hanky panky would be going down. This was devastating.

Earlier in the week, I had asked my lady when she thought the Tide would arrive, and by her calculations, we were looking at a Thursday or Friday visit. Clearly Mother Nature was hell bent on denying us our carnal rights. But, if there were clearer indicators in place, the way there are with cars and ipods, I would not have been caught off guard. If there was a red light somewhere on my lady that indicated to us that the red zone was scheduled for arrival within hours, I would be better equipped to cope you know. If there were an email or text message I could receive with updates, I'd be golden. I've heard that there is a phone application that tracks a woman's cycle, but that does not account for irregularites and surprise.

Instead, I am left with three options. Swim the Crimson Tide, self maintenance, or request entry in the place less traveled. I shouldn't be talking about this. Instead, let's focus on getting that Crimson Tide indicator up and running.

Speaking of Ricky Williams, if you haven't seen this, check your local listings, and watch it. It was quite an interesting look at the man's life.

Red Clay - Freddie Hubbard


Checkmymelonie said...

Um...did you really just use the word "trim" in regard to the sans ropa? LMAO!!

rashad said...

I did indeed!

maxwellsmusze said...


scout said...

hahaha! I'm so surprised to read this from you. This kind of stuff is usually in my blog.

Jazzbrew said...

Blog entry of the year so far and yes... someone needs to create that indicator.