Thursday, May 06, 2010

Usually, I intentionally avoid discussing current events in my blog. I'm aware of what's going on in the world, and I certainly have strong opinions like everyone else. But it gets a little annoying when stories are discussed over and over again. It starts on the train, then it spills over the websites I frequent, then I overhear loud conversations about it at work. By the time I sit down to write at my computer, I'm ready to go in a completely different direction and discuss my own personal issues. Today is not one of those days.

I've been hearing the details of this UVA situation, where a male lacrosse player murdered his ex-girlfriend, who also happened to play lacrosse. Allegedly, this guy had been drinking all day long, and then went to his ex's room in a drunken stupor, roughed her up and eventually killed her. It is also alleged that this guy had a temper that was made ten time worse by alcohol, and he had roughed up his ex in public before. When I heard those details I cringed because it reminded me of a situation I was in....kind of.

Three and a half years ago, my ex and I were out at a function, and we both were drinking, when an argument broke out. We quickly left the function, got back to my place, argued some more, and then out of sheer rage, I hit my hand against the wall and broke it in two places. Yes I had enough sense not to lay a hand on her, but I remember being absolutely scared at the level of rage I allowed myself to reach. Not to mention, when I went to work with a cast on my hand, and I told people what happened, no one believed it at all. I had one guy pull me aside to ask me if I had really hit a woman, and I told him I did not, but his facial expression told me he didn't believe a word I said.

Shortly thereafter, I took some anger management counseling, and I haven't reached that level of anger since. Part of it was alcohol, part of it was bad decision-making in even being with this particular ex, and part of it was just my bad temper rearing its ugly head--or hand as it were. I still get mad (my fiancee is a witness) but it never gets ugly or out of hand, and I'd like to think I have things under control. Being able to write helps a whole lot.

I'm not sharing this to get sympathy or to lose readers (although if that anonymous f**ker from yesterday stops reading, I'd be happy). I'm just sharing this because there is real fine line between what happened to me, and I'd be a damn fool to sit here on my high horse and completely condemn this guy at UVA. Yes he took things way too far, and he deserves to sit in jail for a minute, but I understand that initial state of mind he was in..if that makes sense.

Feel free to criticize me, I'm a big boy, I can take it.

Peaceful Journey - Heavy D


Chubbs said...

I won't comment on the UVA guy--tit's a dreadfully sad story--but I'm sure there's a lot more to it still.

I've never been hit by a man, but I've been in a relationship where I've wanted to hit a guy...and it was because I felt overwhelming helplessness. A month later, I broke things off with him...I never wanted to feel that way with anyone else...and I haven't so far. Kudos to you for taking notice of your issues with anger and working through them. And for the record, hitting a wall is 1000 times smarter than hitting a woman. More men should hit a wall.

Chubbs said...

I just realized I got all Freudian and wrote "tit's" ha! love it!

rashad said...

I saw that too..haha!

scout said...

it truly saddens me that anyone could get so angry, they'd kill. the lacrosse player, the fiance in hawaiian gardens, the wife found in a sewer in mexico...i'm so sick of it. there's no excuse for it. i can't imagine anyone doing or saying anything so vile that I'd murder them. and chubbs, I can relate. i've also been in situations where i've felt the same way and it is a horrible, horrible feeling.