Tuesday, September 07, 2010

So this morning during my walk to work, I noticed a woman with a rather short skirt on in front of me. It wasn't short like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (the first and only time I will ever work that movie into my writing) but it was short enough to be drawing attention from the men around me. So at one point, this woman got her heel caught in a grate, and she dropped her purse, and all the contents of her purse were strewn about the sidewalk and the grass (thankfully not the grate). I saw this unfold in front of me, but I kept walking, because there was another woman right next to her, who was more than happy to help. I didn't keep walking because I'm an ass or I'm insensitive, but I did so because a woman's purse is personal (even when its all over the city sidewalk), and I wouldn't want to help her clean up, and then find something that would make her blush.

Anyway, as I walked by the short skirt woman and her fallen purse items, I noticed that there was this guy in front of me, who was walking fast, but steady looking back at the woman. At first I thought he was just debating on whether to go back and help the fallen woman, but I knew that couldn't be the case, because someone was already helping her. But he kept walking forward, and then looking back, and after the fifth or sixth time he did it, I decided to look back to see what the hell was going on, and I immediately saw it. The short skirt woman was on all fours picking up purse items, and by doing so it revealed the fact that she had NO...I repeat NO underwear on her person or her ass. NONE. If you don't know what a woman bent over with nothing on her ass looks like, and you haven't gotten laid in a while, I have some lovely movies I can refer you to...

Now, after I looked once, I kept walking and didn't look back for a few reasons. 1)I noticed several guys looking at this, and it felt like a creepy fraternity to be a part of..2)there were women around who were looking at the panty-less woman, but they were also looking at the guys looking at her, and it wasn't a good scene, and 3)my boss is out today, so I needed to get to work a bit early. But I ended up being slowed up once again because...

The guy in front of me was so busy looking back while walking forward, that he didn't notice that he was trying to cross a street without the "walk" sign. So he got halfway across the street, and then about 4 or 5 cars zoomed by him, and he screamed, "Oh sh*t" and tried to go back to the curb, but he was stuck. So here he was in the middle of the street yelling like a crazy person, cars are honking at him like crazy, but no one's letting him cross, and on top of that, his vision of the naked beaver was completely blocked. I can't even begin to tell you how hard I was laughing at this dude, and I know he saw me laughing too, but what the hell was he going to do to me at that point? Finally, there was a red light, and he crossed the street, and he looked back at the woman, but she was long gone.

So what's the lesson here? If you're going to be pervert and look at naked ass, or down a woman's shirt or at a man's crotch, it should be a looking-at-the-sun situation. Get one good look, store it in your mental rolodex, or even whip out a camera phone and snap a pic really quick, and then get the hell out of there. Failure to do so, will get you caught in the middle of the street like a scene out of the movie Bowfinger

4 comments:

Jazzbrew said...

The really jacked up thing is even after nearly being killed, homeboy was STILL trying to get another look at the peep show... some folks never learn.

maxwellsmusze said...

OMG!!! hilarious! jeeze lady w/no undies on. she didn't know how to bend a little? she went on all 4s like she was in her living room or something. whew! this is a great laugh.

Redbonegirl97 said...

LMAO, that is too dayum funny.

Tiffany
Peace, Love and Chocolate

ametia said...

LMBAO! YOU DID THE RIGHT THING SON! You looked away and kept on getting up.

I'm sure My Lady is so very proud of you.

A story you can look back on and share with your kids some day....