Sunday, February 13, 2011

As I have mentioned on this blog numerous times before, I am fighting a losing battle with my son's hair. He wanted to grow it out and wear cornrows, and his mother did nothing to shut that down, and since he lives with her I had to just sit by and let it happen. Up until this point, he had just been growing it out, but when he stepped off the train on Friday night, his hair was fully cornrowed..poorly I might add.

He had just gotten his hair cornrowed on Tuesday, and already it was coming undone--partly because his hair is thin and not really meant for that style and partly because the woman who did his hair did a terrible job. Carlton asked me what I thought about his hair, and I told him I hated it. I explained to him that I loved him, I explained the concept of agreeing to disagree, and then I told him I hated it again. My wife said I hurt his feelings, but I really did not give a damn. To steal a quote from the movie Boiler Room: "I'm not your best friend, here to nod my head and sympathize. That's your mother's racket. I'm your father, I let you know when you f**k up."

But the next morning, we had a long talk and I explained to him that as much as I hated his hair, it was important that he made sure that a)he took care of it and b) it always looked neat. So I took my wife's suggestion, and we went to a women's hair salon to get his hair cornrowed the correct way. Two words: NEVER AGAIN.

First of all, there were about 13 women in there, and they were all in various stages of getting their hair done, which means they were looking evil (and no it wasn't just all in my head they really were looking evil). My son had a look of terror on his face, and I was hoping he didn't look at me for comfort, because I was just as terrified. We got evil looks, everyone stopped talking, and this was before we even got two feet in the door. Finally one of the women remembered me from our earlier phone conversation, and she told me to sit my son down in the chair so he could get his hair washed, blow dried and cornrowed. I was left standing by the door like a damn fool.

Eventually I sat down and decided to watch my son get his hair done, but the discomfort did not stop. It was 100 degrees in that room, the music was loud, the evil looks were plentiful, and oddly enough there was college basketball on tv(it was on before we arrived), but only my son and I were watching. I tried to act like I was texting or watching tv, but each and every time I looked up, there was someone staring at me like I was a white man at a Black Panther rally. I took the hint, grabbed my phone and went outside and got on the phone.

While I was outside the door, I noticed a sign that said cash only, but that was right next to a sign that said AmEx, Visa, Mastercard and Discover, so I was thoroughly confused on how I should pay (I eventually went to get cash). I looked in the door to see how my son was doing, and he had a look of agony on his face, and I started to go in and ask hi if he was ok. Then I saw evil women, and I stayed my ass outside, and gave him a thumbs up sign. He immediately looked away.

Finally my son came out and said he was all done, and I went up the counter to pay. Now my wife had estimated that it would cost about $40-50 to get his hair cornrowed, but I took $100 out of the ATM just in case. But the woman charged me $80 (not including the tip) and I had no real argument against paying that much because a)I've never gotten cornrows, b)I wanted to get the hell out of there and c)I was 100% sure that if I complained, I'd have been jumped by at least 5 out of the 13 women. I think they took advantage of my male naivety though. As we left out, I told my son that he owed me big time for making me sit in the hair salon for an hour. His response? "What about me Daddy, I was uncomfortable too?" Touche' little man. Touche'

I still hate the way it looks, and I still think cornrows are hideous, but he's happy and so is his mother. But I told the both of them that Memorial Day is the deadline. After that he and his 13-year-old head are coming up here to DC, his hair will be uncornrowed, and he will get a low, warm weather haircut. Enough is enough already.


Sab D said...

Man, you didn't opt for the Rip Hamilton/ 'Melo/ Iverson zig zag cornrows for him? I'm teasing dawg, but hey maybe the harder you splurge on the rows, the faster he goes through the phase?

That smug look of satisfaction - that's you all day brother. Particularly after a 20 foot jumper off the backboard.

Anonymous said...


BWA HA HA HA HA HA...........

Oh the joys of being a parent...


Never200 said...

This post was hilarious. They got you for your money BIG TIME. Young Carlton is getting SO BIG!