Tuesday, August 02, 2011

There is always one guy on the train who refuses to hold on to the 5 million railings available to passengers who choose not to sit down. He's usually too busy reading, fiddling with his iPod/iPad/Blackberry to truly pay attention to his surroundings, but most of the time he's able to use his balance to keep himself from busting his ass, and suffering an embarrassing fall. I can admit I've been this guy a time or two, but I have never fallen on the ground or on someone else. For the most part, I use the railings available to me.

This morning there was this gentlemen who found it necessary to read the Washington Post Express (a mini-newspaper for this people who do not have the time or intelligence to read the Washington Post. Yes I'm exaggerating and yes I'm judging). He was standing to my left, and I noticed that right before the train left the station, he chose to hold to nothing at all. He was standing straight up (at least if his knees were bent, he would have had some balance) with his little paper spread out, and his head buried in it.

At first the train took off at a nice leisurely pace, then out of nowhere the train stopped rather abruptly (as trains are prone to do). This gentlemen ignored the 10 million railings available to him, and out of desperation tried to grab my forearm to keep himself from falling down. Me being the righteous and helpful black man that I am, I jerked my arm away from him, and watched him fall flat on his ass with his newspaper sitting right in his lap. With anger in his eyes he used the railing (too little too late) to stand back up, and he proceeded to have this conversation with me.

Him: Thanks for the help a$$hole
Me (hearing every word, but daring him to repeat them): Excuse me?
Him: Thanks for the help (no a$$hole the second time)
Me: Use the f**king railing that's why they're all around you, its not my job to hold your dumb ass up
Him: No but you didn't have to be a jerk about it
Me: That's who I am at 7am
**I got a little laughter from my fellow morning passengers***

The guy said nothing else after that, he just went right back to not holding on, while he read his paper. Luckily for him (and me) there were no more abrupt stops, and we both got off the train at the same stop, in the same direction. We rode up the escalator together, and then he went left, and I went right, but before he got out of earshot I said, "Have a great day a$$hole!". No response..although the police office standing there told me not to be a troublemaker this early in the morning, and I apologized.

The way I see it? I'll have a newborn son in about 5 months, so I need to get all of this borderline juvenile behavior out of my system before then. And yes I'll be writing about this joyous occasion a whole lot in the coming months, so brace yourself..


Jai said...

its 8:24 am and I am sitting at my desk,thank you for making me laugh so hard that there is noway I wont have a light fun day....
I can jus picture him on his butt read as a beet :)

Notorious Kim said...

I fell into some poor dude's lap a few years ago. I was mortified but he didn't seem to mind. I enjoy being a girl =)