Tuesday, November 01, 2011

When I was younger and in the dating world, I had the whole seal-the-deal routine down to a science. In case you're naive or selectively acting like you are, seal-the-deal is a politically correct code for getting the boo-tay (but I'm quite sure you knew that).

To seal-the-deal, I would offer to cook a dinner of salmon, asparagus and rice if I was feeling especially in a good mood. After dinner I would suggest that we watch the movie Love Jones while we drank Riesling (I don't drink that anymore, my pallet is too advanced), and then I'd sit back and wait for all of that goodness to work in my favor. It may seem diabolical, simple and just flat out dumb right now, but nine times out of ten, your judgement is colored with mature colored glasses. Either that, or you're just not tipsy(read: drunk) enough to truly appreciate the (pseudo) genius of it.

Now that I'm 36, married, allegedly mature, and a bit more learn-ed, I no longer have to resort to such guerrilla tactics just to get some of the sweet goodness. However, I realize some of you people are single, lonely or just flat out have no game (if you read the previous paragraph, you will understand that I was right there with you not too long ago), so I will attempt to lay out a tried and true method for you to get laid.

1) Take your significant other to a jazz club. It shouldn't be a big jazz club, but rather one with an intimate setting like the Blue Note in NY or Blues Alley in DC. You don't want your date to feel swallowed up by the venue, and a smaller venue will give you both the feeling that you know and see everyone. You can see other couples kissing, eating, drinking and swaying to the music and say, "Hey they are just like us!"

2) Drink wine (I'm a Merlot guy, but there are other out there)

3) Take your date to see Kurt Elling (tour dates listed here). He's smooth, his phrasing is beautiful, he's always dead-on pitch, and dammit, I've been telling you about his ass for three of the five and a half years I've been writing this damn blog. You owe it to me (and yourself) to check him out, and see why he will most definitely seal-the-deal for your ass. The wife and I saw him tonight, and it was great as usual

4) Take her to get dessert at a place other than a jazz club. I don't know what it is about going somewhere with the sole purpose of eating dessert, but it just feels adult. Sharing a fine dessert dish is an option, but if you're like me and you are selfish with your food, just get two damn dishes and share that way. And if the wine hasn't done any damage, this is your time to drink Amaretto or even a Port

That's it..that's the list. Just follow those four steps and you'll be doing the grown up and thanking me for the Blueprint. Of course, as with everything else, I am quite sure I am way off base with this one, so don't hold it against me.

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