Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Several months ago, one of my friends posted something about sleep regression on Facebook, as it related to her infant. She graduated from the newborn stage, and her baby had finally begun to sleep with some degree of regularity. Then inexplicably, the baby started being a pain in the ass again. When I read about that, part of me sympathized, but a bigger part of me was relieved that young Nyles had seemingly evaded that dreaded part of being an infant. Clearly the joke was on my wife and me.

The past couple of weeks, the wife and I have abandoned swaddling and begun sleep training young Nyles all at the same time. His post daycare routine is as follows:

5-6pm: Eat, be happy, spit food on Mommy and Daddy

6-7: Have a violent mood swing from happy to evil, cheer up momentarily in the bathtub, then revert to angry man

7- 7:30: Drink a warm bottle, go to sleep, cry, sleep, cry, sleep, cry once more, then sleep

11-12a: whimper, toss and turn, fool Mommy and Daddy into thinking you're going to wake up, and then go back to sleep

2am: Wake up and scream bloody murder

3am: See 2am

4am: See 2am

5am: Trick Mommy into letting you in the bed (Daddy has given up sleep at this point and a)goes to workout or b) goes to work)

530am: Fall into a DEEP sleep until 6:45, when Mommy is already awake and pissed the f**k off

6:45am: Wake up smiling, joking and looking cute, just completely shunning the fact that he kept his parents up all night

The wife and I are sleep deprived, cranky, too tired for (regular) sex, and if this goes on, someone at our respective jobs will feel our wrath. As angry as this little boy makes me, when someone at work asks me how Nyles is doing, I smile and instantly start bragging about him, like he didn't cause me hell the night before. It's as if he's strong in the ways of the Force, and I have no power over him. I love him, but I'm not against crushing Ambien tablets in his bottle...

This song you see below has become my guilty pleasure song of the month. I've always appreciated Usher, but his recent material is boring. I don't like Rick Ross all that much, because he's just an average lyricist most of the time. But put them together, and for some mysterious reason I'm hooked...

1 comment:

maxwellsmusze said...

Mom here:

I've been reading about the 8/9/10 month sleep regression. I would like to circle one or skip this clusterfuck of a stage all together. Also, as you friend indicated a regression would suggest there once existed some sort of progression.

Also - I am down w/the crushed Ambien plan.