My 20 year high school reunion is scheduled to take place the day after Thanksgiving, and I can readily admit that I was pumped when I first saw that it was being planned. I intentionally skipped the 5,10 and 15 year reunions my class planned, because quite frankly it was too soon. 5 years after high school, I still had the maturity of a 17 year old, 10 years after high school I was too self-centered, and 15 years afterwards, I was 3 months off a major fire, and my self-esteem was at the bottom of the toilet.

20 years later, all my ducks are in their proverbial row, the stars have properly aligned, and now I am ready to take on the reunion---and I don't want to go anymore. I initially thought I did when a Facebook group was set up and some of my old classmates started populating their name on the "Are you going?" spreadsheet. And then I got sucked in the playful, what-are-you-doing-now? banter that I saw as well as the where-will-the-venue-be conversations. But as more of my old classmates started to chime in and post pictures from high school, I realized I had grossly romanticized my high school experience.

I was in none of the pictures from high school, because I wasn't a member of any of the fancy cliques (except the basketball team and the newspaper), my two best friends were a year behind me, and the people who were committing to attend were mildly annoying (ok way more than mildly). I reached out to one of the few people I actually keep in touch with, and she put it best: "Rashad, the people we went to high school with are jackasses!" Part of me still wants to go, so I can be "that guy" who makes everyone uncomfortable because I actually dared to show up, despite not really being welcome, but a)I have no clue whether anyone actually really believes that I'm not welcome and b)I'm allegedly too mature to spend $75 on an evening's worth of revenge. But I do wonder how many people go this mental tug of war regarding their high school reunion.

It is worth pointing out that I have ditched college reunions too for this same reason. My main man Sabin (my college roommate for two years) was the man in college and he was popular as hell. Meanwhile, people would refer to me as "that guy that hung around Sabin", which I wore/wear as a badge of honor. There are worse things to be remembered by:

1) That guy who passed out in front of the student union
2) that guy who got beat up at the football party
3) The guy who gave 23 girls herpes
4) The girl who sucked 30 guys off in one night, but held her dignity high because she didn't sleep with any of them

You get the point...