There are two birthdays today. One I care about, the other I don't. I'm going to write about the one I don't care about. Sorry Janelle.
One of the few co-workers I can actually stand is having a birthday. His name is Victor, he's from El Salvador and he is an easy-going guy who in the past year has gotten promoted and lost a ton of weight. I like him because he knows a little about all sports, which is rare in my office, and he takes an interest in my Wizards-related articles. Some of our colleagues decided to go out and buy a birthday card for Victor, and thank God it hasn't come to me, because I wouldn't sign it. I'm against accepting or giving out birthday cards that basically are just slathered with signatures and corny phrases. My mother says that makes me ungrateful, I just think it makes me a snob, which isn't bad. You want to give me a card? Put some f**king thought behind and write words from the heart. I don't care if they are grammatically correct (actually I do) or how eloquent they are, I just want words with feeling. Is that so difficult?
Anyway, the guy whose office is next to mine was getting ready to sign the card, when he noticed some offensive things in the card. I'll remind you that Victor is from El Salvador:
Now, maybe there's an inside joke involved and those closest to him know that he loves Corona and tequila at the same damn time. Maybe Victor keeps a stash of both in his desk drawer, I don't know. But if that's a private joke, it should be shared on a separate card that is delivered privately. That card should NOT be passed around for signatures all around the damn office. Sadly, Victor is so nice and deferential, he probably will laugh it off. Perhaps I should ratchet up some anger for him.
Now you know what would have been a funnier joke? If they had given him this card:
Now that's funny..to me at least