Tuesday, September 22, 2015

So my big mouth got me in a bit of hot water this morning..

I was standing about a block from work waiting to cross the street, when a woman with a knee brace walked in front of me and attempted to jaywalk. Not only did the sign clearly say "Do Not Walk", but the timer indicated that she had a good 35-second wait time to sit (or stand) through before she could legally cross the street. I don't know about you, but if I had a brace on me, I would be painstakingly careful and detail-oriented to prevent anything from a) re-injuring my injured knee or b) causing my other knee any harm. But that's just me and my rigid value system I suppose. It wasn't even a subtle knee brace either, it was big bulky Bernard King knee brace. I digress.

So Bernard King gets about halfway across the street, realizes she doesn't have a shot in hell at making it across, so she comes back, while having to dodge yet another car in the process. When she got back to the curb with the rest of us sane, mere mortals, other people were saying, "Oh my god, are you alright", and "Please be careful". At first I wasn't going to say jack because I knew it would be smart and inappropriate, but as my curb-mates kept heaping on the sympathy, I just couldn't resist. So I quietly, but firmly said, "Where did you think you were going anyway, with your broke ass knee?"

Now, keep in mind when you have headphones on, you're never really quite sure just how far your voice can carry. I know this because when I go to Starbucks to order my drink and give them my name, the staff never seems to hear me until I remove my headphones and project my voice. So when I said my comment, I thought no one would really hear except Bernard, but of course my voice picked this occasion to be bionic, and everyone on the damn curb heard and gave me a dirty look. Bernard gave me a dirty look and decided to talk some jive to me:

Her: What the hell did you just say?

Now there were three ways to handle my retort. I could have:

1) Apologized for being smart, and started full backpedal mode

2) Say what I said in a less mean way, while capturing the sympathetic sentiment that everyone else on the damn curb had adopted

3) Repeat what I said with the exact same mean inflection.

Sadly, I chose to double down and say it again.

Me: I said where are you going with your broke ass knee, you know you can't run or move quickly

Her: I don't think that's any of your f**king business

Me: You're right, in the meantime, get on the curb with the rest of us

Her: Excuse me?

Now at this point the sign said "Walk", and I walked right by her, pointed at the "Walk" sign, and said, "It's showtime, tread lightly sweetie". I put my headphones back in, but not before I heard her say, "F**k you!" I can't even blame her, I should have shut up, minded my own business, and let it go. But seriously, she should have followed the law and waited, after all the Pope is here, show some respect.

I'm going to see this woman on Saturday, and I am pumped:


maxwellsmusze said...

black larry david keep you yap trap shut! LOL!!!!!!

Jazzbrew said...

I was beginning to think the married/father life had curbed this type of thing. Glad to see it has not.