Some airport and on-the-way to the airport observations at 12:49:

-During my walk to the train station, a man of Arab descent ran by me at full speed with a briefcase in his hand. All kinds of thoughts went through my hand, and some of them were downright racist and full of negative stereotypes. I felt bad..this has been a week of racial politics like none other..why couldn't this happen during Black History Month

-I am sitting down, eating quesadillas and drinking margaritas waiting for my flight. This white gentleman is sitting down for 15 minutes, and not one waitress(all white by the way) comes and helps him. He says this is bullshit, and he stomps off. But before he does, I look at him and say, now you know how we feel..and busts out laughing. Rashad Mobley..bridging the racial divide since 1975...

-I look real pretentious right not eating, drinking and laptopping(a new word)..and I don't care one bit. I'm the New Negro Alain Locke spoke of...or at least I am in my head

-i am supposed to be writing an article about the importance of men taking time to regroup and get over someone before jumping to another relationship. Men jump from person to person without ever getting over the past, and I know this because I have had that market cornered for a good 8 years. but i can't seem to write it..I've started and stopped about 5 times. I wonder why that is...

that is all for now

I was getting ready to get in the shower to prepare for my journey today, and then I decided to type a shorty entry for the day. So, if you'd like a TMI-type of visual, I am sitting buck naked in my living room, while I type this. Today, I am headed to Atlanta, Georgia, to complete the trip that I originally tried to do a few weeks back, until the mystery March Madness snowstorm foiled my plans. So at 2 today, I will try again to head down there. This gives me yet another chance to sit in the airport, and laugh and observe people while typing it all in my blog. Of course, this will also give me a chance to see my brother, sister-in-law, and most importantly my nephew. While I'm alone with with my 5 month old nephew, we will have a talk about the world, his role in it, and why women are beautiful. It should be quite delightful. So for right now, that is all I have to type. But once I hit the airport, the games will resume

Barry White - Playing Your Game Baby

As I watched the three kids from the Duke lacrosse team give their press conference yesterday, I kept thinking to myself, man it HAS to suck being them right about now--and I felt badly for them. Not quite as bad as I did when I finally saw the Rutgers women, but close. Of course these dudes were drinking illegally, and they had hired strippers, but I know plenty of people in college who did the same. They just didn't get caught. And I can't sit here and say that I don't think that while drunk, these kids didn't let a racist/sexist slur slip out in the process, but again that's my own speculation, I can't prove that a bit. But for a man, to be accused of rape, then to be absolved of all guilt, only to have that public perception stick can be devastating. If you add that these kids lost their scholarships, and now will have that stigma on them is rough. If I were a CEO, would I want to hire these dudes, who while found to be innocent, might bring unwanted press and attention to my company? I don't know. I hope these kids can move on in their life..and this is just another example of how race has us jacked up in this country. There have been so many instances (Emmett Till) when white men have wronged black folks, and have gotten away with it. So when a scenario of rich white kids and a black stripper is presented, its just too good to dismiss. Even as I write this paragraph, I feel like a sellout to some degree, but I really shouldn't.

But just as all this attention is being placed on these Duke kids, someone needs to reach out to that woman who accused them of rape too. There are probably some issues going on within her, and clearly no one really understands it. Plus, SOMETHING happened that night, and her story and feelings shouldnt just be thrown under the bus.

So I designated this morning, as my return to running 3 miles at 5am. And right on cue, it was POURING rain when I got out there, and I know I run the risk of catching a cold and all that, but man was it fun. I was so busy enjoying the rain and the puddles, that I didn't even notice that my thighs were burning and I was way out of shape. I actually found myself smiling at one point. So my advice to you kids, is to run or play in the rain the next time you get an opportunity. It is fun and it wash all your troubles away.

Three women I know, are in the midst of some type of breakup. One, had a "special" relationship with her friend, abruptly ended when the guy found someone he wanted to be with, as opposed to just have sex with. The second woman is at a crossroads with her man, and all they do is fight, occasionally have sex, and then fight again. And the last woman thought she was going to work a problem out with her man, only to have him break it off abruptly. As I listen and talk to these women, I realize that in the past year, I have done ALL of those things, but you never really understand the other side until you remove yourself from the situations. I don't have the answers here, I just know that this is the reason female friends come in handy. Its like watching a DVD, and then clicking on the special features and interviews to see what's going on behind the scenes. I possibly could figure those things out on my own, but it sure helps to have some educated insight. I hope they all view me in the same light..

My Soul's Not For Sale - Raheem Devaughn featuring Jazzy Jeff

This morning, I walked past a group of birds that were huddled around some sticks and grass, that they were presumably trying to gather for their respective nests. As I got closer to the birds, they did what birds do in reaction to human footsteps, and they flew away before I could say hello. Sometimes I wish I could reach out to the birds, and say look guys, I'm not going to hurt, eat or touch you. I am just on my way to work, and you all can go on about your business. In fact, you all can do what humans do when they are driving, and they want folks to go around..you can just roll down your window(of course this analogy is flawed), stick your hand or claw out, and motion for me to go past you. Same thing with squirrels by the way..when the squirrels are running around trying to harvest their nuts, I wish they would continue to do just that, instead of running up and in a tree and across dangerous power lines just to escape me. It's almost offensive for them to run away without saying hello. I'm not asking for them to treat me as well as they treat Dr. Dolittle..I just want a little respect.

So the last time I talked to my son, he mentioned that his new favorite show was That's So Raven. I explained to him that was one of my shows too, and he said Daddy you're too old to watch that show, and then there was an awkward silence. Carlton broke the silence by saying that his favorite character was some dude named Eddie to which I responded by saying, "Who?". But before he could answer, I explained to him that my favorite character was Raven, and immediately he picked up on perverted thoughts, and he said that I probably just wanted her to be my girlfriend, to which I say why yes..yes I do. I wanted to see have you SEEN Raven Symone lately my son? But I said nothing. But clearly this woman no longer belongs on this kids show...all that curvy goodness is being wasted on little kids who can't appreciate what they are seeing. She needs to do a home video or a soap opera, or a coming of age love story or something. She does NOT need to be the star of my son's favorite TV show.

So I saw the Rutgers team on Sportscenter last night, and I have a few observations. One, these women looked young..I mean real young. It hit me that they are college students, still finding their way. Some looked confident, some looked very shy, and some looked like they were going through that awkward stage college students go through when they are not quite sure how to be in public, and I know because I've been there. They seemed to be most at ease, when their coach, Vivian Stringer, did the talking. Its one thing to hear Imus' comments, but its an entirely different situation, when you see his intended targets, and how vulnerable they really are, not because they are women, but because they are college student athletes who normally fly way under the radar. Now does this mean that when I looked at a few of them I still didn't say, "Damn she looks like a dude"? Of course not, but still I was impressed with their composure, and I felt bad for them, as opposed to being angry with Imus. Ok no more of that story for now.

I have no focus at all today, and I think this scatterbrained writing reflects that.

Stereotype - KAM

Chris "Ludacris" Bridges has a song that came out about 4 years ago entitled, "Hoes In My Room". In the song, he and Snoop Dogg rap about how disappointed they are that fat and ugly "hoes" keep coming to their room after a they perform a show. The words "hoe" and "bitch" are uttered so many times, that after awhile, you basically go from cringing to being desensitized to it all, all in a matter of about 4 minutes. I must admit when I first heard the song(ironically enough, on my way to my grandmother's funeral), I laughed, became as a rap fan, I have become conditioned and desensitized to the misogyny of it all. Even my condition is conditioned. Eventually I started to cringe when I heard the song, because even though it can be justified as anything from humor to a satirical song, it still comes off as just plain mean and offensive. No one on God's green earth called for Ludacris to stop making music, or to give up rapping for two weeks, and Al Sharpton damn sure didn't get up in arms and ask him to come on the show, and the white men who print, distribute and profit from Ludacris' CD didn't release a statement saying how shocked and awed they were at his word. Why? because he's a rapper...who just so happens to reach a more culturally influential(but less powerful..go figure) segment of the population than a Mr. Don Imus..

Speaking of Imus, I dont think he should be suspended at all, because these things tend to cause the opposite of the desired effect. When he returns, he'll be stronger than ever, and the very day he gets back to the show, he'll make a joke that pokes fun at the situation and people who love him will exhale, and people who can't stand him will move on to the next offender. So as my friend Janelle alluded to yesterday, there is a better solution. Imus should be made to help out the Rutgers Women's Basketball team, and he's what he should be made to do. Since Imus is a wealthy man, he should purchase a substantial number of tickets for the 2007-2008 Rutgers women bball team. And then he should stand somewhere on their fine campus, and hand out tickets for free. He should stand there and be made to greet the women who support the women's game, the kids who enjoy watching, the young girls who aspire to play bball, the parents of the kids on the team, and most importantly, he should be made to speak to and run his hands through the hair of the "nappy headed hoes"--all this while handing out free tickets. I mean sure Imus would probably be laughing and joking with everyone, but you'd best believe it would be a two way street. That way the group he offended would benefit, and Imus, for a day or two, would have humility. Imus is an older man, so giving him sensitivity bullshit classes won't work; suspending or firing him wont' help, because somebody will employ him the day he becomes a free agent; so my solution works.

I hate writing about stuff like this, because on one hand it has beaten to the ground already..but its on my mind and in the news, so I thought it would be mighty black of me to speak on it.

Oh, and go here and read and comment on my article.

You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse and Ghostface

Ok, so here's the article I talked about last week:

I'm open to criticism and love..

Man you all are a tough crowd. I've written some things over the past week or so, that I consider to be very personal and pretty damn good, yet I've heard a lot of bitching and moaning about my blog either via the phone, email, or sometimes directly in the comments. I do appreciate the feedback and all, but damn these things are hit and miss..touch and go if you will

That being said, this entry is going to suck, I already feel it. My eyes are burning, its 30 degrees outside in April, and while I'm on the train I accidentally brushed up against this woman's ass, and she gave me this dirty look as if I did it on purpose. I wanted to say lady, I am a professional pervert, and if I wanted to grab your ass, I certainly would have gotten my money's worth and gone for the jugular. I was just walking, she stopped suddenly and I hit my hand up against her (nice) ass. When you're dealing with a Monday morning, it doesn't take much to throw you in a tailspin, and that is where I am right now.

Since I started writing this blog, I always find some time to write about the brilliance of Tiger Woods, so I suppose its only fair that I speak on his failures a bit as well. Tiger did NOT win the Masters yesterday as so many people expected him to, as he lost of some dude named Zach Johnson who will never win the tournament again in his life. I take it personally when Tiger loses, because I secretly feel like the white men who dominate the control of the sport, take great pride in trying to design a course that Tiger cannot conquer, so when it happens I think they privately rejoice. And you may ask yourself, why would officials design a course with the deliberate intent of keeping Tiger from winning? It's all about ego, and there's plenty to go around in golf, specifically at the exclusive Augusta National Golf Club. Plus Tiger hurt his own chances of winning, with some careless play at the end of each of his three rounds. The fact that I'm even writing about golf on a Monday morning is just sad...

The Sopranos started last night, and with the exception of a funny fighting scene between Bobby and Tony, the episode was incredibly boring. I understand that they have to slowly build up the last season and all, but they could have started off with more of a bang. I plan to write about each of the episodes, but today there just isn't a lot to discuss..except that Tony's masculinity has taken a huge hit since his near death experience last year. We'll see how that plays out. We need to see more of Dania Ramirez who is playing AJ's girlfriend. For you perverted, sex crazed people, you may remember her doing fantastic lesbian scene with Kerry Washington in Spike Lee's movie, "She Hate Me". Now that was a fine piece of acting..

Suddenly the day is looking up

Show Me The Way-Earth Wind and Fire featuring Raphael Saadiq

Today, or I should say this morning, was all about spending time with my mother. The calendar says Easter, and I know this is the day that Jesus rose from the dead, but for me this day is also synonymous with going to church with my mother. I enjoy the sermons every now and then, but I mainly go because it does her heart good to look to her right and see her first born. Ideally, my brother Jamal would be in the mix too, but he's married with child in Atlanta so he gets a pass(Jamal you owe me one). There is a distinct difference between the time I spend with my dad, and the time I spend with mom. My father is basically an older version of me as I documented yesterday, but my father also is a man at peace with all facets of his life(either that or he is a master of deception) My mother wears her emotions on her sleeve, and she requires a little more from me, and most of the time I oblige. Plus my mother is twice divorced and in her mid 50s, so the loneliness for her is a bit more obvious.

So this morning I woke up at 4:30 am in preparation for the 5:45 am sunrise, Easter service. I don't know how I woke up, and got myself together and I did. The sermon was just ok..ministers must be under tremendous pressure to deliver that master Easter sermon, especially this particular pastor, who said he was preaching at 5:45, 7:45, 11am and possibly at an evening service at Ebenezer Baptist Church. At one point in the sermon, he made a point to say that no other religion has a story involving a main figure dying and resurrecting like Christianity (which I dont know to be true). Then he proceeded to bring his point home by saying that Buddhist, Muslim and the Chinese religions(his terms not mine) could not say they had a resurrection story. I cringed when he said that because that type of speak reminded of conservative christian republicans, who always appear in an election year talking that same jive. You can champion your own religion without downing another..Anyway I'm off topic. The point was, the pastor could have been preaching with strippers on both arms, and I STILL would have been sleepwalking..in fact the first time I closed my eyes to pray, I barely got them back open, before the strong pull of sleep overtook my eyes.

After church, my mother and I went to have breakfast in the main hall of the church. I wanted to sit alone and isolated with her, she wanted to sit with some younger members of the congregation. So we sat near a nice married couple, and the wife's sister. The couple is newly married and expecting, so the man was looking like he had been drugged, and the wife was running her mouth like Barbara Walters had asked her questions. Then they broke out an ultrasound picture, which is always nice for the couple to look at, but for me, it meant nothing. In fact, the baby looked just like Emmett Till. There was evidence of eyes, nose, etc but it was faint, but I smiled and said oh how nice. Then my mother broke out her pictures of me, my brother and our kids..also included in the pics was a picture of my son's mother. You should have seen the look on every one's face when they saw she was white. At first I felt like I should explain that I no longer date white women, and then I was like man forget that, whose to say that I won't date one in the future, so let me shut up. I don't have to explain jack to these people..but I did give my mother a look like you just had to show this didn't you. But that's what mothers do..they are proud of you, so they embarrass you. Its in their handbook to do so.

Right now, my mother is at the 7:45 service, and I had to bail and come back to her house. Two services in one day is just ridiculous, and its overkill like a mug. Now I love my mother, and I am proud of her, and you'd be hard pressed to hear me bad mouth her..we just are VERY different, and it is a bit of a challenge to find that common ground, whereas my dad and I stay on the same wavelength. But the love is the same regardless.

By the way, I saw WAY more cleavage in church today than I did at the bar on Friday night. It's more arousing to see it in church though..you see a woman with a bible in her hand, and a few inches above that, you see the hint of big beautiful breasts just begging to released for the cruel captivity of a bra..or in some cases a demi bra....and yeah I said it.

So the highlight of my day today was the time I spent with my father. I had been telling myself that I would take at least 1 or 2 weekends a month to spend some time with him, but our schedules really wouldn't allow that to happen. Today, we finally got it together, and I drove out there to see him this afternoon. I've spoken about this before, but to a certain degree I still have a bit of fear of my father. He's administered plenty of ass whippings, that I still remember all too well. Plus, I am in an eternal state of seeking his approval, so that leads to me to be a bit self conscious when I am with him. It has gotten better, but I think until he dies, I will have a bit of that with me. So I had a bit of anxiety when I stepped into the house, but this immediately subsided when he gave me that first strong hug and kiss (on the cheek). Once I got in the house, I stood in the kitchen drinking green tea, and he sat down at the kitchen table, and we remained in that position for 2 hours while we talked. We talked about Don Imus, we sized up the 2008 Presidential candidates, we of course talked about sports, we talked about his late father, and we talked about my brother and his happy family. A couple of times I would look at him and say to myself, damn I love this man, and I don't know what the hell I would do without him. He was oblivious to this, but then again, since he IS my father maybe he saw and recognized it.

After the conversation, my father made me some salmon and a salad, and we both sat at the table, and talked about my friends, me being single still, and whether I would consider leaving the area. I didn't know whether he was just making conversation or trying to drop me hints, but knowing him it was probably the latter. He has said to me before, that I should be doing much more in the writing field, and I need to stop selling myself short by not fulfilling this to the fullest. He spared me that convo today, but I felt it coming anyway, so I was elated when my mother called me to ask if I was still coming to her house tonight in preparation for church tomorrow, and I said yes. It was weird having the one parent who raised me on the phone, and the other one right in front of me, neither one of them knowing what was going on. I've long since given up on the notion that my parents would reconcile..I think at this point it would really suck...i'm used to getting clarity and sound decisions from my father, and emotion and spiritual guidance from my mother. If my worlds were to collide by way of their reunion, their roles would get all jumbled up, and I would be imbalanced. Selfish? Undoubtedly, but 'tis the way I feel. I'm rambling..

Anyway, our visit concluded the same way all my visits with my father have gone since I left home for college at age 17. He hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek, said he loved me, patted my back two times, and then followed me to the car. He stayed on the driver's side as I started the car, and waited for me to roll down the window, and he waved goodbye. Then as I left his driveway, he walked down to the bottom of the driveway, and waited until right before he was out of my sight, and waved once again, and i did the same. Why is this significant? His father never did that kind of thing with him, when he would visit..except one day. One this one day, my grandfather walked my dad out, walked to the bottom of the driveway, and waved as me(3 years old), my brother (a few months old) and my parents drove away. The next day my grandfather died in his sleep of a heart attack..So my father now takes it upon himself to do that, and our visits are not officially over until that happens.

This woman I used to date a while back used to call me a Daddy's boy, and I used to vehemently argue against it, because I didn't like the way it sounded. But I now, I'll claim that title and then some. I'm a Daddy's boy, and will be until he leaves this earth.

I'm not proofreading this either, so kiss my ass if there are typos.

Shame on me. Two days ago, legendary football coach Eddie Robinson passed away, and I didn't even bother to write about it here. I spoke about it with other people, and I jotted some notes down about what I possibly wanted to say, but I never actually put words on the screen like I'm doing now. So much has been said about Eddie on ESPN, in newspapers, in talk radio, that I really don't want to rehash that here. But what I will say is that in the mid 80s, I found out about Eddie Robinson via Ebony magazine. Even though that magazine is bordering on irrelevant now, back in the 80s it held a special significance to me, because my family was living in a predominately white neighborhood. So as detached as it may sound, Ebony served as ONE of my ways to stay "black"(man i'm violating so many personal rules here). Anyway, in one particular issue, I read about Eddie Robinson, and how he had built the Grambling football team from the ground up. I remember being impressed with the kind of man he was, and once I paid attention, I realized that he put many players in the NFL, despite the fact that he coached at an HBCU. From that day, up until he retired in 1997, I had a special rooting interest in Eddie, and so I followed his career very closely, because he felt like a hero. His journey was rare in that he struggled before things were "fair", he fought to make things fair, and never complained in the process, and then he was able to stick around long enough to reap the benefits and be honored for both his struggle and his success. That's a full life my friends. And my favorite quote of his, was when he said, "My greatest success is that for 50 years I've had one job, and one wife". So more important than Eddie resting in peace, I hope his legacy and what he did to build it lives on..

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay- Otis Redding

I don't watch much television that isn't related to sports, but one of the shows I enjoy is Curb Your Enthusiasm.. The show was created, and is mainly about Larry David, who was the co-creator of Seinfeld. For most of the show, he goes in and out of trouble because of his big mouth, his inability to let things go, and his obsessive compulsive nature. I also like the show, because it gives me the opportunity to hear and look at Wanda Sykes every now and then. Why do I bring this show up? Because at times, unintentionally so, I think I act like him, and when I step back and examine it, its kind of annoying. Like this morning, while I'm trying to exit the train, this gentleman was standing in the door listening to his music. So everyone had to leave and enter the train from the side he wasn't on. Everyone else just breathed heavily and muttered under their breath, but I could NOT let that type of behavior slide, so I looked at him as I walked by and said, "You're just going to stand there and block the doorway huh?". He looked at me and said, "Mind your f*%*^g business". I didn't have an intelligent retort, and my hand isn't healed enough for me to be falling ass backwards into a fight, so I let it go. But as I walked away, I said to myself, why couldn't I keep my mouth shut. Why? Because i'm always seeking the upper hand. I don't know how to rid myself of that behavior. Perhaps I should bring that up in counseling..

I have a friend, who while in college, caught his friend masturbating in the middle of the floor. He went to reclaim his iron, noticed his friend's door wasn't all the way closed, so he knocked, then entered, only to find his boy in the middle of the floor with a shirt and no pants on, going for his solo style. My friend simply got what he needed, and left the room, and not another word was uttered about this. Even 11 years later, they still have not spoken about such an event. This is yet another addendum of man law..as much as men like to clown one another, there are still a few things that are sacred, and that is one of them. For one, if you catch someone doing that, you pretty much own then in public. You all can be out, and they can be talking about something you did, and then you can shoot them that look that says, "Are we forgetting something?", and then it shuts down that person instantly, all through non-verbal communication. So, my question is, if a woman accidentally catches another woman pleasuring herself, do the same rules apply? I'm quite sure the knee-jerk reply here will be, "Oh its not big deal, that's a man-thing", but I don't know about all that. Masturbation is some real personal stuff, and to be caught in the act could potentially be devastating man.

If I hear the question, "Are you ready for Easter?" one more time...how does one get ready for Easter? Do I buy a powder blue suit? Do I get my Jesus buttons and pins? Do I make a basketball out of the Palm I received on Palm Sunday? I don't get it. And I'm not at all being cynical about the holiday itself, because I understand the importance. But getting ready for it? Come on now...

Nas is Like - Nas
My favorite Nas song...he rides the beat perfectly in my humble opinion

A friend of mine once told me that at least once a week, if not more, we all should do something that we normally do not do. It could be talking to that person you've been avoiding, or inquiring about a job, finally hitting the gym, or basically anything that takes you out of your traditional, daily boring routine. Not only does it keep life interesting this person said, but it keeps us from going crazy. So last night, I spontaneously did such a thing. I was reading yet another stellar blog from my main man Bill Simmons, and I found myself wanting to write an article on whether Greg Oden should go to the NBA or stay in college at least one more year. Normally when I write articles like that, I don't put myself on a deadline, I just leisurely write it over a two or three week span. Some days I'll look at it, and decide I don't feel like writing, much like I do with this blog sometimes. But last night, I decided to knock it out right then and there. So I turned the tv off, I closed out all of the other windows I had open, except for Microsoft Word, and I wrote the article. After I wrote it, I submitted to a website run by a friend of a friend, and hopefully he'll put it up. I'm sure he'll ask me to edit, and I may even have to add some words to it, but the point is I did it without hesitation in a little over an hour. Those are baby steps I just took, and hopefully that will serve as a catalyst for me. We shall see.

The other thing that happened out of the ordinary for me yesterday, was that my boy Cliff sent me this book. Now why is that odd? As I've discussed in this blog before, traditionally guys don't get each other gifts, even on birthdays. A phone call is even a surprise sometimes, but a gift is a rare occurrence, and it violates the unwritten man laws. So for me to get a gift four months removed from my birthday was extremely odd, and a bit scary for me. However once he explained that he was in a bookstore and saw Dave Winfield signing a book he may be interested in, it all made sense, and it was a lot less ghey. I guess as we get older that kind of thing isn't so bad, but it is still a slippery slope, and I'll be monitoring this closely. I did start reading the book though, and it is damn good.

So this morning on the ipod, a Public Enemy song came on, and immediately it took me back into a nostalgic frenzy. And it also got me to thinking, why was Public Enemy so popular then, and why is it that their songs are still so very relevant 10-20 years later. Part of it is their subject matter(drugs, politics, questioning Bush, self pride) part of it is the comic relief of Flavor Flav, and part of it is their production team(the Bomb Squad). But to me, the main reason why Public Enemy was and is such an impressionable group is all about Chuck D's voice. No matter what he was saying, Chuck's voice damn near sounded like a minister's. He spoke in a certain tone and cadence, that almost forced you to listen to what he was saying. Not only that, he rarely smiled or joked around, so for me, I almost felt obligated to listen to the man with the scary voice, or there would be hell to pay..or maybe I'd feel like I was missing out on something. I felt like that back in 1989 when Fight the Power came out, and I felt like that the minute I heard Chuck's voice say, "I got a letter from the government..."

Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos - Public Enemy

Have you ever had one of those days where you knew immediately after your eyes opened you were destined for a good day. There was no snooze button, no dragging in the shower while the warm water hit your face(and for my removable shower head friends, those other "special" body parts), and there was no laying back down on the bed after you got out of the shower. No my friends, these are the kinds of days where you feel completely invincible and it carries over from the time you leave the house to when you get back in the bed at night. Athletes call it being in the zone, jesus freaks call it being blessed, and regular folks call it just plain lucky.. Today is not like that for me. I have felt cranky from the minute I awoke from my 5 hour sleep. You see yesterday, through my travels and then my work day, I was operating on 20 minutes sleep. Between me playing records, writing on my laptop and watching the Florida-Ohio State game, I didn't go to bed until almost midnight..like a jackass. And I'm paying for it dearly, as my eyes are burning as I type this entry. I may have to come down with a bad stomach flu and go home for some quality sleep.

Speaking of the laptop, I think the honeymoon period is over, and it's time to get down to do some serious writing. I've downloaded music on itunes, visited my favorite sites in the privacy of my own home, customized my fantasy footballs squads and all that, but now its time to write. I've started various stories and ideas, not I have to step my game up, give 110%, and take my game to that next level(that's athlete speak). As my boy Cliff so eloquently said last, I expected to see more blog entries, and instead you're writing less, and that has been true. Granted, I've been out of town, but that's no excuse, and I'm harder on myself than anyone else is on me, so I know better.

I was disappointed that Ohio State could not pull out the victory last night against Florida. Mainly because I was sick and tired of seeing Joaquim Noah's face all over my tv. He's an alright player, but dammit the media just couldn't get someone else on that team to interview and talk about. It was always him. But from a sports standpoint, it made perfect sense that Florida would win the championship. They actually had players who shunned the NBA, stayed together, and actually played like athletes who wanted to get better both individually and as a team. That is rare in today's college basketball landscape. Ohio State represents what we are used to seeing: A young team with tremendous talent, but a team that isn't quite ready to take that next step. The Florida players are now NBA ready, and they have served their time in college. No they haven't graduated, but honestly, they came to college to get a job(the NBA) and graduation is just an optional but rarely is it a necessity for the elite college athlete. It would be nice if the Ohio State squad actually stayed in school for another year or two, to achieve the kind of maturity on and off the court that Florida did, but I doubt it. Plus that's just the selfish side of me speaking.

And finally, I hate it when men and women who NEVER watch sports, all of a sudden watch a major sporting event, and then they want to come to your office and talk your head off as if YOU are the neophyte. In fact there is this woman here at my office, who I know is dying to make her loud mouth ass over to my office to do just that. I could be holding the phone and writing down a message, and she STILL would talk. By the way, this same woman used the word, "analyzation" on Thursday.

Visions - Stevie Wonder
I'll Do Anything/I'm Sorry- Ginuwine

The first song is the original, the second is the sampled version..
These songs make me a little less cranky

Well I fully expected to be home and in my bed by now, but it didn't happen that way. Due to bad weather, my flight was cancelled, and i'm not scheduled to come home until Monday morning, at which point I'll go straight to work. Technically, I need to be in the bed right now, since I have to be at the airport at 4am, but I'm hard headed, and I wanted to type a bit before I went to sleep. I'm sipping Merlot, and watching the tail end of When We Were Kings.

I had a great time this weekend overall. Sometimes going out of town isn't so much about doing everything a city has to offer, but rather getting out of the boring day-to-day routine of your hometown life, and that is exactly what I was able to do. I played (and won twice) at Scrabble, talked about life, politics, Ali, quitting my job to write, and many other topics. It was fun and a learning experience all at the same time, and i definitely need to see to it that I travel a little bit more. It'll keep me sane, plus it will add some spice to my writing, which at times i probably need. It never hurt to diversify just a bit.

This evening i went to see this exhibit entitled Body Worlds, and I found it to be quite fascinating(said in a bri-tish accent). There were the bodies of real life people, and they were preserved enough for every day people like myself to see inside of them. I saw the lungs of a big smoker, the liver of a big drinker, diseased hearts, etc, and it was way more fascinating than any words I could capture it with here. Honestly, it was quite creepy, but it also made me much more conscious of the effects of putting inappropriate things in my body. It also made me realize that I need to put forth a deliberate, concerted effort to take care of my body, so that when I get a bit older, it can still run like a fine tuned machine. I saw the body of a 50 year old man who died, and his heart was enlarged because he was overweight, some arteries were clogged, and I instantly thought that I needed to get on the road to wellness and fast. My problem is I get on it, and then I fall off the wagon. I need to find sustained motivation somewhere.

I wouldn't mind giving Chicago a try as a place to live. Great restaurants, lots of culture, numerous sports teams to cheer for, etc.

I'm sure I'll blog at some point tomorrow afternoon, but not in the morning. i'll be en route...

Want you to want me -Tanya Morgan

So I am here in Chicago, and so far I am having a damn good time. I ate some Cajun food, I drank some criminally strong margaritas, and I won a game of Scrabble, so all is well with the world. On my way here, I was stuck with the middle seat on the airplane, and I wouldnt wish that on my worse enemy. i couldnt get an arm rest, I couldn't blog, because they were all in my business, and I couldn't go to sleep and liphang (a disease that occurs when you go to sleep, and your lips inexplicablly hang low and eventually open altogether). So I just sat there frozen and in fear..that is no way to be. Also, while I was at the bar, before I left DC, there was this fine Brazilian woman with inpeccable cleavage, who allowed herself to be picked by this dude who was twice her age. everyone, even the bartenders, were dumbfounded by this..this dude sweet talked his way into getting her number, and on top of that, he didn't pay for $30 tab..very impressive.

Anyway, its 1:41am, and i'm tipsy, so i'll stop now. more later..

Man I swear, I could NOT make this stuff up even if I tried. In yesterday's blog, I mentioned Micheal Ray Richardson as an example of a player who did not take the privilege of playing in the NBA seriously, becuase of his drug and alcohol abuse. Well apparently, Micheal Ray doesn't take his coaching job in the NBA developmental league too seriously either, because yesterday, he got in trouble for making anti-Semitic and anti-gay remarks in the same sitting.. This man is making me look good, I need to send him a bouquet of flowers or something. But seriously, I actually feel kind of bad for him, because he was finally turning the corner. Coaches who are in the NBA developmental league are basically grooming themselves for an NBA head coaching position, so Micheal Ray will be hard pressed to get a coaching job now, just on reputation alone. You can sit here and argue about whether what he said was right on not, but that's pointless. The head of the NBA is David Stern, who is a Jewish man, so there's no way in hell that is going to go without notice.

My boy Cliff commented that in the 80s, on the playground or in school, you could call another guy a "faggot", and it was no big deal. It didn't mean you were gay, it just was another insult like "jackass", "dummy" "big lips", etc. 20 years later, if you utter that word, you will have hell to pay, sensitivity classes to attend and the gay nation on your back(or maybe behind it). Times have definitely changed, and we as a nation are much more sensitive. You know the only group of people who can continue to say what they want..comedians(Michael Richards) is excluded. Good comedians can do racial humor in a way that makes you laugh, makes you think but doesn't offend. That kind of stuff is off-limits to everyone else.

It is hilarious to me when the weather changes, and the temperature drops from the high 70s, to the mid 50s, and folks STILL dress like its summertime, because they are in severe denial. There was this woman who had on a sleeveless shirt, and a skimpy dress, and she was doing the it-is-cold-outside walk..in other words her shoulders were hunched, her head was down and she was looking a scary Seal album cover.

i'm going to chicago for this weekend, so that should provide me with wonderful blogging material. Now that I have a laptop, and I actually accurately chronicle my always entertaining airport experience. Airports are the cure for writer's block man, I am absolutely sure of this. If anyone is having trouble coming up material, or if a comedian needs some joke ideas, the airport is THE place to be. People are coming and going, trying to find luggage, buying flowers at the 11th hour, having sex in the bathrooms, getting drunk before their flight, and then the actual airport employees take their jobs WAY more seriously than it really necessary. And yes my friends, I will be in the midst of all this craziness tomorrow. I can't wait.

777-9311 - The Time
The drumming on this song, specifically the hi-hat work, is quite spectacular. I think this song is the longest one I've ever linked in this blog.

God did not give me the talent or the height to play my favorite sport(basketball) professionally, so as a result I throw myself into watching and analyzing not only basketball, but any and every sport I can get my hands and eyes on(how's that for a run-on sentence). And since I am not able to play, I am extremely critical of today's athletes, because they repeatedly abuse the God-given talents and ability they possess. There are examples past and present of supremely talented individuals who perform well on the field/court, but their behavior(s) away from the game ultimately hinder them from getting the chance to display this talent consistently. An example from the past is Micheal Ray Richardson. Micheal Ray(and yes he spelled his first name Micheal) was considered to be ahead of his time as a point guard, but his inability to kick his addiction to drugs and alcohol cut short his NBA career. Players who played against and with Micheal Ray, say that he had a chance to be as good as Michael Jordan, but he blew it. A current football player who is doing the same thing is Adam Jones, affectionately known as "Pacman".. Adam Jones is brilliant on the field, but off the field he has been arrested about 10 times in 2 years for all types of dumb things, and it is about to cost him his NFL career, despite the fact that he is only 23 years old.

Athletes like Micheal Ray and Pacman, should take a trip to Washington DC, and follow me around for a week, and see how they like my life. I'm not unhappy, but I'm nowhere near the glamourous life of these two athletes. But they should get a taste of how the other half lives, and then maybe they would have more of an appreciation of the positions they are in..as I type this I realize that I am living in a fantasy world. As long as there are athletes with money, there will be both responsible and irresponsible ones. The ones who are irresponsible should be forced to hand over their money and women to me, and let me show me them how it should be done.

Oh and I forgot to mention, Micheal Ray was involved in one of the funniest interviews ever in sports:

REPORTER: What do you think is happening to the team?
Michael Ray Richardson: The ship be sinking.
REPORTER: How far can it sink?
Richardson: Sky's the limit.

Scarlett Johansson and her streak of can-do-no-wrong movies finally ended for me last night, when I saw the Girl with a Pearl Earring. The movie itself wasn't too bad, although it dragged at spots. But who cares about that, clearly I was in it to look at Scarlett, and it was nothing special. The movie was set in the 1660s, so a woman dressing or looking sexy was an unlikely sight, so Scarlett was severely handicapped from the start. She was pale, all of her attributes(except her lips) were hidden, and I just wasn't impressed. Her acting was good, and it was pretty sexy to hear her talk with Bri-tish accent again. But again I was disappointed. By the way, in case you're wondering, it is NOT easy being this shallow.

Foolish Heart - Steve Perry

Can someone tell me where the expression "touch and go" came from? Like when a doctor says, it was touch and go there for awhile..what the hell does that mean? I know it means that person was in and out of death, but seriously, how did the two words touch and go get nominated to capture that occasion? I need answers!

Yesterday when I left work, and enjoyed the beautiful day, I happened to notice this attractive woman walking down the street. She had on a nice blouse, and a light brown(I believe they call it camel) skirt that showed off her legs and all that good stuff. The only problem? This woman had her head buried in papers, presumably work-related, and she was not looking up at all. Now I am guilty of doing this sometimes, but similar to a news anchor, I read a bit from the paper, and then I look back up just to make sure no danger is ahead. Well this woman failed to get that memo(or maybe it was the last of the many papers she held), and she got to the end of the curb, and fell HARD. And this wasn't just any intersection she fell into, she fell on the corner of 13th and G Streets, which is a MAJOR traffic area. Not only did she fall right on her knees, she messed up her skirt, her earrings came out, and all of her beloved papers fell as well. A gentleman was right behind her, and helped her up and gathered her belongings. By the time I got close to her, I gently touched her arm, and asked her if she was ok. But somewhere in between the letters "o" and "k", I just started laughing, and I know that's dead wrong, but each step of her fall was playing montage-style in my head, and I just couldnt stop the laughter. Luckily for me and my exposed, unguarded groin area, the woman did not get mad, and she laughed along with me, although curiously the dude who helped her up shot me a mean glance. The woman said I should have been looking, its my fault, to which I quickly responded(in my head) by saying you got that right buddy!

A friend of mine mentioned to me yesterday that she was interested in driving cross country, and it got me to thinking about doing the very same thing. My favorite writer, Mr. Ralph Wiley, drove cross country with his son Cole, who was on his way to an internship with Mr. Johnnie Cochran(who was still living at the time). Both gentleman said that was the most they had ever talked, and now that Ralph has passed, Cole says that still is one of the lasting memories he has of his dad, and considering his dad died 4 days afterwards, I can only imagine. So I say all of that to say, I would very much like to do something like that with my son. In fact, I'd like to do that right before he went to college. We'd talk about life, sex, music, race, and everything else under the son. Of course I could do it before then, but the symbolism of doing it as he leaves for college would be more important.

I watched this movie last night entitled, Conversations with Other Women, and I found it to be very interesting despite his slow pace. It actually seems like more of a play than a movie, because 90% of the movie is focused on two characters who used to be married, meet later on in life, reminisce about what they had, but more importantly, they realize why they are no longer together. I'm glossing over details here, because I think its worth checking out.

Heaven - BeBe and CeCe Winans
By the way, I thought for the longest time BeBe and CeCe were husband and wife, not brother and sister. They used to do videos together, and they seemed to be touching each other in a married way, as opposed to in a sibling way. Creepy stuff man. Great song though.

I tried to put myself in John Edwards' shoes this morning. I thought to myself, if my wife had cancer, and I was in the beginning stages of a presidential race, would I drop out, or continue on business as usual. Its not just that Elizabeth Edwards has cancer, based on all indications she won't live too much longer. Now I am not a deeply religious man, but I do believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking. But at some point in my mind, it would hit me that I may not have my wife for too much longer, and I'd drop out of the race. Campaigning is draining enough as it is, but to have to worry about losing your wife, managing your kids' reaction to that loss, managing your own emotions, and all the while trying to convince the country that you're ready to lead them is just a lot to manage man. I'm sure he'll get some sympathy, but I'm also sure he and hislady will get quite a bit of criticism. And sadly, it will be very interesting watching how this plays out. I don't enjoy watching the pain of others, but this is entertaining on some level..if that makes sense.

Speaking of entertainment(that's just an impossible segue), I was thinking that it would be very cool if two of my favorite comedians right now(Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock) went on a tour. There would be no opening act, no local comedians who suck anyway, just Rock, Chappelle, and maybe a DJ who would play their favorite songs. I'm sure tickets for such an event would range from $75-100, but I'd pay to see them. They talk about similar issues and topics, but their styles are different enough, that I wouldn't get bored. Of course we already had something similar with the Kings of Comedy, but I think this would be better. Steve Harvey and DL Hughley just aren't funny to me at all, so I never really was interested in attending. But a Rock/Chappelle show? I'd give that a ringing endorsement. Just a random thought..

I'm a sucker for public displays of father/son affection, so when I saw John Thompson and John Thompson III embrace after yesterday's Georgetown victory, I was smiling big time. I'm biased because of my own relationship with my father, but I think father/son moments cannot be played up enough, particularly with black men. That's one of those soapbox moments that I'll always take an opportunity to put out there. Given all of the other images the market is flooded with when it comes to black men, a good father/son moment goes a long way in offsetting that..at least in my mind. And because of that, and the fact that I remember Georgetown in their heyday, I am rooting for them to win it all...

Listen to this original song first
Then listen to it being sampled here.

So I am sitting here in a coffee shop, drinking cranberry (pronounced cranburry) juice, typing away at my laptop, and looking about as pretentious as I can be. I have not showered, but my teeth are brushed, so I'm breaking even there. I have on no underwear and sweatpants, and I look like I am on my to a track meet. Yet all is well in the world, because i finally can lug this damn laptop everywhere I go, and type something any time a bit of inspiration hits me. It is my fantasy to be having mind blowing sex, and then mid-stroke think of an idea, and then i come right quick, and then get up, clean up, then sit down at my laptop buck naked and type the words, then I would minimize the screen, and go back to having sex. This of course will happen NO time soon, but I can be ambitious right?

So this morning, at about 7am, I said goodbye to my on and off girlfriend of 7 years. As documented in this here blog, around January, I wrote that she and I were going to try to make it work, I was going to move out there, we were going to married, etcetera, etcetera(in a cashmere sweater). Well as it turned out, we didn't make it that far. Our intentions were good, love was there, but it simply did not work out the way we planned. After I hit my hand on that wall, doubt about whether I was really and truly ready crept in, and from there it slowly deteriorated. I am very sad, but strangely I am relieved at the same time. There is still a chance that sometime down the road I may regret this decision, but for right now I think this is the right thing to do. And for now, that is all I am going to say about that.

It's a rainy Saturday, and I may quite possibly spend my entire day in here playing around on the internet..until the basketball games start at least.

By the way, do you believe that this man is 19 years old? Me either, but that's what his birth certificate says. Hopefully he will lead Ohio State to the promised land..

It's Over - Eddie Holman

Im off work today, because it is more important for me to stay home and be here for the delivery of my laptop. So I am sitting here on my friend's laptop, getting ready to watch Chris Rock's Never Scared, sipping on a mimosa. Once this laptop arrives, I will go somewhere and sit outside, so that I can play with it and set it up. Most of you who read this damn blog, probably already have a laptop, so you can't possibly understand the level of elation that I feel right now. As a writer, a laptop is as vital to me, as a gun is to an assassin(please don't get me Patriot Act). Now that I have one, I will be able to write all kinds of things, I will blog more, and I will definitely start a separate blog for just random articles I decide to write. this whole paragraph is starting to sound like an advertisement.

So yesterday, after I got my haircut, I stopped off for a quick drink at a Mexican restaurant. While watching the game, this woman sitting next to me proceeded to start hitting on me. She ordered my drink for me, she told the bartender that i should get a pitcher of margarita, and then she proceeded to bore me with the details of her life. These details included the fact that it was her birthday, she had just gotten an $100 ticket, and she was looking to have fun. She was very attractive, but to be honest, I was just trying to watch the game, not pick up anyone. At one point in the conversation, she commented on the number of ghey men who were in the restaurant, and then she looked at me and said if you're ghey no offense. I told her I was very much straight, and then i realized that she probably was feeling me out, since I clearly was not interested. Eventually, I paid for my drink that she ordered for me, and left. I know someone is reading this thinking that I am a jackass. But never underestimate the importance of watching sports, with a drink in peace.

I'm unfocused right now man, I need this laptop to hurry up and come.

It is funny to me that on my way to work I can be dressed in a jacket, a nice shirt, slacks and shiny shoes while carrying my briefcase, and be looking and feeling pretty damn professional. Meanwhile, the music in my headphones is playing this, and I'm mouthing the lyrics like I wrote the damn song. People all around me are reading the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post, the latest Zane (who isn't that much better than what I was listening to) or John Grisham book, and I'm listening to rap music with impressive amount of misogyny and cursing. Sometimes I need that to get my day started, and if my son were to ask me to explain to him why I listen to such music, I'd have no rational defense, except to say that life is full of hypocrites and complex people and I am one of them, now get out there and be a man.

I talked to this woman yesterday who has been married 25 years, and she mentioned that she had just seen the new Chris Rock movie, I Think I Love My Wife, starring Rock and the fine ass Kerry Washington. There is a section of the movie that presents marriage as boring, mundane, full of routines and conversations about dinner, kids and curtains. My 25-years-married friend, pretty much cosigned on all of these points. She said the honeymoon period for her lasted about 3 or 4 years, and then there was a 10 year stretch where her and her husband were raising kids, getting ahead in their jobs and occasionally they would incorporate sex and romance into their relationship, but it wasn't even in the top 10 of their list of priorities. She said that they both thought about stepping out on each other, not because they didn't love or still like each other, but simply because they wanted a fresh face, as opposed to the one they had been looking at each and every day and night. However, she did say that eventually, they stopped, talked, reprioritized(don't believe that's a word), and stayed faithful and true to one another. Listening to that story was both scary and inspiring, and I'm sure if I talked to 30 other married people, they'd give me stories that were both similar and different to the one I heard. So what's my point here? Absolutely nothing, I just file these things away in the dark crevices of my mind for later use.

By the way, that Chris Rock movie is just ok. I've been hearing that married and long time relationship people enjoy the movie much more, because it speaks to their situation. It's a comedy, but there aren't a string of jokes like most Rock movies..comedy is just a backdrop to the larger point he's trying to make, and it comes off as just ok. That's my movie review..

Median - Comfortable

They lyrics are just ok, but the beat and the sampling of this Luther Vandross song are quite enjoyable.

I talked to my Dad for nearly 2 hours last night, and I am realizing that there is still a lot that I don't know about that man. I know he has an office somewhere in Maryland, and I know he goes to work with a briefcase, and his cell phone stays ringing with clients, but I still don't know what the hell he does. I mean sure he gave me lessons to go with the Kareem book I'm currently reading, and sure we talked about sports and the NCAA tournament, and he asked me about my son, the status of me and my ladyfriend, my brother, and everything else under the sun. But I always come away from conversations and visits with him feeling like I'm not tapping into this relationship as much as I should be. I think when I was younger I was scared to overstep that father/son boundary, plus a part of me was scared of him anyway. Now? That wall of fear hasn't completely been broken down, and it probably never will(although I think its more respect than fear); however, I think my father and I are now friends, which means I can get to the bottom of some of these mysteries/questions that have been bothering me for quite some time including his divorce from my mother back in '93.

So what the hell does all this mean? This means that after I got off the phone with my dad, I wrote a sketchy outline and about 15 interview questions for a book about and with my dad. And since my new laptop is scheduled to arrive any day now, I will put that thing to use and start typing it out. The published blog will still be my first book, but the second one will be about my father. I have to think of a way to distinguish it from some of the other bulllshit father/son books out there, but that shouldn't be too difficult..I don't think. I do know that when my book(s) get published, I expect every person who knows me, knew me, touched me, read my blog, got fucked over by me, knows me indirectly through a friend, and all that, to purchase my book.

Of course this got me to thinking, once I get published, and if I'm lucky enough to make it on the talk show circuit, who would I want to talk to? My wish list? First and foremost, I'd have to go on PTI, then Oprah(she does huge numbers) David Letterman(I've been watching him for 16 years), Tavis Smiley(I don't like his show, but I know lots of potential book buyers who do), and Bill O'Reilly. Why would I want to go on Bill O'Reilly? So I can dazzle him with my intelligence and wit, discredit all of his pseudo points..and then the minute he cut one of my sentences off, I would backhand him, stand over him with my crotch right in his face, and calmly say, "Now what bitch?!?!?". I hear that kind of rowdy behavior does wonders for book sales and street cred, which is what I have been eternally chasing. Ok now I'm starting to get carried away..how about I write the book(s) first, and worry about everything else later..


Where Are You Now - Brandy (produced and all instruments played by Mr. Lenny Kravitz)

Freedom at last. I went to the doctor's office today, and he told me that I no longer have to wear the splint on my hand. It isn't completely healed, but he gave me a series of exercises to do, so that I can properly heal. I'll be hitting walls again before Easter.

Yesterday, before the blog Gods decided to shut me down, and deleted my one handed masterpiece, I was trying to describe the beauty of this movie I saw entititled, "For Love of Ivy". This movie starred Sidney Poitier(prounounced Pwa-tee-yay..i love phonetic spellings), and a jazz singer/actress named Abbey Lincoln. This movie is considered to be one of the first romantic comedies that had two black leads. The dialogue is corny at times, and the pace, as with all movies back then, moves a bit slow, but it is still an excellent movie in my opinion. What's the best part? It focuses on romance. The movie focuses on Sidney Pwa tee yay's relationship with this woman, from initial meeting, to the courting phase, to the awkwardness surrounding courting, and then the fallout that happens when you admit you're falling for someone. I don't always see movies today, that focus on that side of relationships, and I found it to be refreshing. Plus Sidney was so damn smooth..

The other thing I wrote about yesterday was this excellent book, I bought last Friday entitled, "On the Shoulders of Giants" by Kareem Abdul Jabbar. The primary focus of this book is the Harlem Renaissance, and its profound effect on Kareem. Through his own research, as well as stories that were told to him by his parents, he was able to put this book together, and I have learned a whole lot in the 44 pages I've read in 2 days. Kareem as always been an anti-sports jock. He was an academic All-American at UCLA in the 60s, as well as one for his on the court exploits. He's often pissed off sportswriters and teammates with his I-know-more-than you demeanor that's often times unintentional. But his ability to write and think definitely cannot be denied, so if you have some free time, and you want to learn(or learn more) about the Harlem Renaissance, I suggest this book as an entry point.

Most of my brackets, for March Madness are totally ruined, and it is crystal clear that for the 45th year in a row, I will not be winning any money off this damn tournament. Its a good thing I didn't really talk to much trash this year.


I Didn't Mean To Turn You On - Robert Palmer
Yeah I know Cherelle has a version of this song, but I like Robert's better. The music is better on this version.

I wrote an entire entry, and that shit didnt save, and now I'm pissed, so this will be short and sweet.
1)the weather prevented me fronm going to Atlanta
2)Yes I was pissed, disappointed and a bit depressed
3)I saw an excellent movie enititled For Love Of Ivy (1968)

perhaps tomorrow will go a bit smoother

Girl from Ipanema - Stan Getz featuring Astrud Gilberto

First of all, all is well with the world because Duke lost last night.. Words simply don't do enough justice for me to attempt to describe the depths of my hate for this team. Coach K is always so damn smug, and his players have this air about them like they are royalty. So to watch them lose last night put a smile on my face. This time of year is truly sensory overload. Last night I was watching golf highlights, the Nuggets vs the Lakers, and March Madness. I did all this while eating boneless wings and drinking a fine German beer. And most importantly? There were NO phone interruptions. Good times indeed.

So this evening, I head down to Atlanta to see my brother, his wife, and my nephew, and I must admit I am excited. I talk about all 3 of them in my blog frequently, but its about time I went to see them. I only have one hand working, but I still plan to pick up(and hopefully not drop!) my nephew Nazir. I'm not a big baby person, but this is my blood, and I plan on spoiling him and acting a damn fool. Its in the uncle's handbook to spoil kids, and be a bit creepy, and I have that down to a science. I can't say I am looking forward to hanging in Atlanta..I don't take too much of a shine to the city as a whole...although I've heard great things about their strip clubs, so I look forward to doing some investgative research..for blog purposes only.

By the way, I am collecting any and all records, so if you have any that you are looking to discard or sell(preferably discard), just let me know..our operators are standing by.

Voodoo Child (Slight Return) - Jimi Hendrix
My favorite lines in this song?

If i don't meet you no more in this world then uh
I'll meet you on the next one
And don't be late
Don't be late

My favorite sports writer right now, Mr. Bill Simmons, continues to write the type of articles that I intend to be writing very soon. [My strategy is to publish this blog, and then flood the market with writing samples on the strength of the published blog. A stretch? Maybe to you, but I'm determined and focused, plus I have made some recent contacts that lead me to believe a breakthrough cometh]. Anyway., not only does Simmons get to write about sports while dropping some pop culture references in the process, but he also gets his wife in on the act, by allowing her to make her own observations sports and otherwise.(hello run-on sentence) An example:

"Bill offered me a chance to pick March Madness even though I don't know anything about college basketball. Then again, I didn't know anything about the NFL and still managed to beat his football picks. Now he's back for more humiliation. I don't care if I sound like I'm rubbing it in because Bill beats me in everything we play and even cheats sometimes. The first time we played Scrabble, he flipped one of his letters over and played it as a blank -- I didn't even realize what happened until there were suddenly three blanks on the board. I couldn't believe it. We'd only been dating for six months. He claimed it was an accident. He also talks trash, which is a problem because I'm super-competitive -- one time, he made me so mad that I flipped over the board and stormed off. He's so happy when he's winning, it's really annoying. The minute he takes the lead in any game, he makes little digs even though he knows I'll get mad -- stuff like, "How many points will you get if you spell L-O-S-E-R?"


Now maybe that isn't funny to you, but I think its hilarious for a couple of reasons. One, I am the same type of Scrabble player. If I'm winning, I'm talking more trash than you can possibly handle, but the minute I am losing, I get quiet, and cheating becomes the name of the game..I'm competitive that way. The second reason I think her passage is good, is that you can clearly see that Bill doesn't take himself TOO seriously. He allows his wife to take a shot at him in his own column. I dig that, he's secure in himself AND his marriage..good times indeed. Alright enough of Bill Simmons...

When I first began this blog, my friend Brandon implied that I was doing it just to get women. He said I was showing sensitive parts of me, and women took a shine(an expression I'm determined to bring back) to that type of behavior. For a quick second I thought to myself that maybe deep down in my subconscious this was exactly true. Then yesterday, my friend Jolanda asked me to retrieve an older blog entry for her. While trying to find that, I started to read some old entries of mine, and I realized that Brandon was WAY off. If I was a woman reading some of these entries, I'd run like the Burger King man was chasing me. Women go in and out(not literally of course) of my life, I'm breaking my hand, not speaking to people I know in public, killing insects at will, and I avoid church like its a prostate exam. That isn't exactly the dream man blueprint..I write because I love to write, it just so happens blogs provide a larger forum for me to do what I've always loved. To quote my brother and Michael Jordan, I do it for the love of the game.


In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel

For the first time in a long time, I have little to nothing to share. My weekend officially starts tomorrow, when I ditch work and head to the ESPNZone to watch March Madness. And I will also be paying close attention to the women's tournament, specifically Candace Parker, one of the few attractive female ball players. If you're looking for a sleeper pick in the men's tournament, pick Texas. And you should listen to me, because I successfully picked the Super Bowl score.

Oh., and I'm buying a laptop next week

That's all I have right now

Crumbling Erb - Outkast

I am starting to really admire people who stay married even 5 years let alone 20, like my parents did or 65 years like my great aunt and uncle pulled off. I can't even get through 3 months without feeling anger, frustration, and all kinds of other emotions, and I've been stuck in this rut for quite sometime. And its not like I'm in the minority either, because the majority of my friends are single. Some of them are coming off heartbreak, some are voluntarily single, and others are stumbling and bumbling from person to person. For right now, my brother is my hero..I know he and his wife may have problems that he shields from me, but from my tunnel vision point of view, he and his wife are a happily married and proud parents. I'm smart enough to know and understand that path isn't necessarily for everyone, but its working for him. God Bless Him, and God Bless America...and nowhere else.

So Chris Rock was on the Inside Actors Studio last night, and it was pretty entertaining. I've watched many fine actors come on that show, and the movies James Lipton references are usually just as good, if not better than the actual actor/actress. Such was NOT the case last night with Rock. His comedic genius usually doesn't translate to the big screen(except for Pootie Tang). And at times, I felt like Chris was using that show to try out new material..and I guess that's understandable, since comedians are always "on". But I never got that feeling when watching Eddie Murphy or Dave Chappelle on there. I wondered if Chris would have started crying, if he had been allowed to talk about his emotions surrounding his dad's death a bit longer, instead of them going to commercial. I also wondered how Chris was able to pull such a good looking wife..I mean he's Pookie for God's sake. Clearly, I'm underestimating how much mileage a man can get out of making a woman laugh. Or maybe he has a smooth, Billy Dee Williams side that no one but his wife knows about.

Too High - Stevie Wonder

Now, this song came on my ipod right before I stepped into work today, and I highly recommend you listen to this song with headphones. Stevie plays ALL of the instruments from harmonica to drums to the keyboards. He is a genius, but he's still blind, which makes this feat that much more amazing to me.

This daylight savings thing isn't so bad, I don't too much care for it staying light later in the day, but I can definitely dig it being dark when I wake up now. It makes me feel like sleeping later is a viable option. Last week it was starting to get light while I was still in bed, and since I am not one of the nocturnal people, I need plenty o'darkness at night to sleep.

I had a damn good time at the show, despite the fact that I was clearly one of the few people who rolled solo. I was a little self-conscious about it while I was walking around before the show; however, once I sat in my seat I was just fine..the mini-glass of wine helped things along as well. Here is a quick, one-armed man's guide to the concert:

Lupe Fiasco: He's still rather inexperienced as a performer, and he needed to pull his pants up the whole time. And considering his biggest song is "Kick,Push", he should have brought the house down by performing that song last, and not third. Still, the music was good, and he had lots of energy, so it wasn't too bad. His hype man clearly thought the crowd should have been more excited than they were..to me that just meant he wasn't doing his damn job.

Chuck Brown: As my brother so eloquently said earlier in the day, I probably cannot properly appreciate go-go, and specifically Chuck Brown. He didn't do Bustin' Loose, but he did all his other hits. He had a full band(no hype man), and clearly he is a seasoned performer. You could definitely tell that the crowd(not me) knew all the words, breakdowns, etc..I just appreciated the good music.

The Roots: From the moment they made their high school band type entrance through the crowd, to their show-ending introductions done Soul Train line style, The Roots put on a damn good show. I didn't sit down once during their 75-90 minute set. They played their hits, songs from the new cd, they covered an anti-war Bob Dylan song, they had a brass section that played some James Brown type funk, and they threw in a little rock for good measure. I've been watching them perform for almost 10 years, and they keep getting better. I would have liked to hear Black Thought freestyle, but that's me nitpicking. Overall, I give the while night a B-.

I made the ill-advised decision to hit the concert afterparty. I had so much energy leaving the show, but once I got to the venue my energy quickly dwindled, and my 32 year oldness came shining through. I stayed about 30 minutes, and I rolled out. I did see someone I used to talk to in there, but clearly neither one of us felt it necessary to speak. I also noticed that the main bartender had an insane amount of cleavage out..I guess in an effort to get tips. I wasn't fooled. I now realize that I can't do too much hanging after midnight.

The rest of my weekend was uneventful..I bought some records, a Mike Tyson book, and I watched the movie Frida (a surprisingly good acting job by Salma Hayek), and I watched an insane amount of college and pro basketball.

Welcome to March Madness..oh yeah, join my pool. Go here, and scroll down for details on how to join.

One More Night - Phil Collins

The centerpiece of my weekend will be a concert I am attending this weekend. The Roots, Chuck Brown, and Lupe Fiasco will all be performing at Constitution Hall. There are few groups who put on a live show like The Roots, so I know I'll enjoy them. Despite the fact that I have lived in the DC area for 20 years, I really am not much of a go-go fan, but Chuck Brown has a damn good band, so I know I'll be able to appreciate his set. Lupe only has one cd out, and I am usually against artists who have the gall to go on tour despite only having one cd out. But since he is only the opening act, I can endure it. And on top of that, I was able to stumble upon some 4th row seats..good times indeed. I always have this fantasy that I'll be called on stage to bust a freestyle while The Roots back me up. I don't have many rhymes, but I could hold my own for about 2 minutes. Anyway, I'll be sure to blog about it thoroughly on Monday.

I really tried to avoid blogging this, but it is a joke for me to avoid it at this point. I am having difficulty with my ladyfriend. It is tough to shake the ghosts of our respective pasts and move forward at the same time. Its the equivalent of trying to put a fitted sheet on your bed with one hand, One side looks perfect and then you glance at the other side of the bed, and the sheet is not tucked in at all. That's all for now on this.

Biggie died 10 years ago today. I was getting dressed for work, when I heard the radio dj announce it, and I must admit I was de-sensitized to his death given that Tupac had been shot in the same fashion 6 months earlier. I don't consider him the best rapper ever, but he was well on his way to being ONE of the best before his passing. I wonder if his mother feels guilty at all for not keeping her son on the right path..I wonder how she feels period about outliving her son. I cannot imagine how that feels.

All I Do -Stevie Wonder.
Listen carefully to this song, and you will hear background vocals from:
1)Betty Wright
2)The O'Jays
3)Michael Jackson
You can hear it clearly at the 3:50 mark of the song.

If I looked and stared at women (and believe me I do) the way other women did, I am quite sure I would be classified as a creepy, sexual harassing man. This morning a fine woman stepped on the train, with a skirt that came right to the knee, and black stockings that appeared to be fishnet. Aside from me, and this other high school age looking fellow, no other men were around; however, there were at least 6 women around and they were ALL staring. Some had no shame and stared at this woman's legs with their mouths open, while others tried to sneak occasional glances over their magazines/newspapers. I don't know if these women were fascinated, jealous or what, but I found myself getting aroused at their curiosity. And of course, I was staring too, but I'm a professional, and of course I demonstrated a high level of tact. That's what I do..And as a guy, I've never stared at another dude in a nice suit. I may see it and make a mental note, but I won't be transfixed and entranced. Although one time (at band camp) I interviewed this brother, and he had a nice suit on, and I told him so. But we were in a controlled environment, so I do believe this frees me up from having the ghey. Staying with the ghey theme..

Yesterday, during lunch, I noticed this man here at work heating up a Lean Cuisine. Now, I have seen plenty of women big and small, eat these things for lunch and dinner, and I assume it works for them (although frozen, boxed meals like this have an insane amount of sodium). But never in my life have I seen a man bring, and then heat up one. My friend Raydiance said that maybe his girlfriend gave it to him to bring. If that is indeed the case, this dude should have smiled, put the Lean Cuisine in his bag as he left the house, and then ditched it, when he was out of his lady's eyesight. Now I'm not saying that my daily lunch of a sandwich and an apple is exactly oozing with masculinity, but Lean Cuisine the shit ain't.

Ive created a ncaa pool. if you'd like to join, go here.Then:

1)click on join a group
2)click on join a private group
3)the group id # is 54690
4)the password is fidelio

You may have to create a yahoo acct, but dammit I'm sure everyone has or has had one at some point. Good luck, I shall enjoy spanking that ass, Even if you know nothing about sports, play anyway.

Doobie Brothers - What A Fool Believes

I get the sense that people around me are growing a bit tired of me bitching about my hand, and quite frankly, I am tired of it too. But it is so damn inconvenient at times that I feel compelled to speak on it. For example, this morning it was 20 degrees, and gloves were needed. I attempted to put a glove over my handi-hand, but the splint is protruding in a such a way, that does not allow the glove to provide full hand coverage; so, as a result, it looks like I'm carrying a gun or something under there which looks creepy. Plus my hand was cold. I'm sick of this, and whatever lesson I am supposed to learn, it is working.

I saw Ron Artest got arrested on a domestic violence charge, and I realized that there is a very thin line between what he got arrested for, and what only cost me a broken hand. That is very scary man...to me at least. It also lets me know what can happen if I don't get help via counseling/therapy.

23 years ago, my mom and dad took my brother and I to see an up and coming trumpet player in New York City. After this guy's concert, we all went backstage to meet this trumpet player, and he allowed me to play his trumpet, and he took pictures with me and my entire family. 7 years later, we went to see this guy at Blues Alley in Washingtin DC, and he mentioned that he still carried this picture with him in his trumpet case. Fast forward to last year, when this individual appeared at George Mason University, and he spoke to my mother. He asked about my brother and I, and he said he still remembered us, because we were the first kids to come and see him. This guy's name? Mr. Wynton Marsalis.

I will always be a fan of Wynton, but he has been in the middle of two rather public beefs that have pissed me off. The first one was over 20 years ago, when he criticized Miles Davis for playing smooth jazz, rather than traditional jazz. NowI hate smooth jazz as much as the next man. But considering Miles paved the way for traditional jazz to be popular, and considering every trumpet player alive steals from Miles, Wynton should have given the man a pass. More recently, Wynton has chosen to criticize rap music by calling it "ghetto minstrelsy". He paints a broad brush by saying that all rap music is bad and offensive. Now he does have a bit of a point, because as a 32 year old man, it is hard for me to listen to some rap. But there is plenty of non-offensive rap out there for both me and Wynton to enjoy. You just can't rely on tv and the radio to play it, but its out there. I would like to re-connect with Wynton and have a tête-à-tête about this...I've already sent an email to his "people".

By the way, that homeless guy I was stalking earlier this winter is NOT interview friendly. He clearly has a severe mental illness, and a bit of a violent streak..how's that for irony. I feel bad for not taking that next step to help him out...

So What - Miles Davis and John Coltrane

Some morning observations:

-I still cannot understand why people who have backpacks, feel the need to roll them around, as opposed to actually putting them on their backs. There are two straps on backpacks, that conveniently allow the user to slip his or her hands thru, and then the bag rests easily on the shoulders. This woman in front of me on the train was rolling hers around like it was actual luggage, and I felt like kicking and bending it like Beckham.

-I can't stand Ann Coulter. I don't doubt her intelligence or her ability to put together a cohesive argument, but sometimes it seems like she purposely pushes the envelope to get a desired reaction..and it always works, which makes her even smarter I guess. But still, I wish people wouldn't feed the animals

-As I stood on the train reading ESPN articles, I noticed a woman right next to me who looked exactly like Fantasia. I realized it wasnt her when I noticed this woman reading over my shoulder.

-I used to hate it in college, when I'd volunteer to make a great point in class, and then some jackass would come along and say, "just to piggy-back off what Rashad said.." Get your point, why you riding mine? However, I'm about to piggy back off something my friend Jolanda commented on. Why is it when I blogged about breaking my hand, did I get the more comments than I have ever received in this here blog? What was that about?


The Dramatics - Ocean of Thoughts and Dreams

So on Saturday, I went out and bought me a shiny new record player, some records and a deluxe edition of Marvin Gaye's, "I Want You".. Every so often I go on these music binges, when I really want to be in my apartment surrounded by new music. I felt like a little kid on Saturday night and Sunday morning, while I played records. Most of the records I bought featured music from the 70s and 80s. They ranged from George Harrison to Lou Rawls, and in all I bought 20 records for under $50. I maintain that there is no better feeling than putting the needle in the record and hearing the scratchy sound of vinyl. I suppose there are better feelings, but I have tunnel vision right now. The Marvin Gaye cd I bought just gave me further insight into what Marvin and Leon Ware were thinking when they wrote and recorded "I Want You".

I was so smitten by my purchases that I didn't do any of the things I originally set out to do. No Josephine Baker exhibit, no Reno 911 movie, no nothing. I have one more weekend to do such things before March Madness comes. Then I get to bore everyone within earshot about college basketball.

And now, from my new Marvin cd: I Want You (vocal and rhythm)

Everyday It Rains - Mary J Blige

Want to hear some irony? About 6-12 inches away from where I hit my hand on my bedroom wall, is a framed copy of the Serenity prayer. Clearly I need to get that blown up even bigger..it hasn't even been in my room for 2 weeks, so I'll cut myself some slack. Plus God must be smiling on me just a little bit, because I didnt actually hit the picture.

Continuing with the one hand theme, allow me to list some famous one hand/arm people. I enjoy typing lists in my one handed state, because they seem much easier to type than the superfluous paragraphs I sometime write. On to the list:

1)Ronny Cammareri - I dont know how many of my readers have seen the movie Moonstuck, but it was a love story starring Cher and Nick Cage. Nick Cage played Ronny Cammareri, an oven-tender at a bakery. Ronny has one real hand and one fake one, and in the end he gets to marry Cher. Cher is a bit of a handsome woman, but I'll let that slide.

2) Jim Abbott - He was major league baseball pitcher in the 80s and 90s. He was born with two arms and one hand. Yet he was able to become a decent pitcher and on one fine evening he was able to pitch a no-hitter.

3)Bob Dole - Dole is by far the oldest person on this list..in fact I think Bob is the oldest living person on the face of this Earth, checking in at 578 years old. The Senator and former Presidential hopeful, was shot during World War II. This left his right arm paralyzed, which makes it hard for him to give out dap and handshakes. Speaking of making it hard, Bobby also dabbled in (and out and in again) Viagra ads.. Bob Dole. An American hero.

4) Musiq Soulchild/Slick Rick - Both of these men were born with two hands, but they get honorary props from me based on the success they have achieved with one eye.

Here's a list of one-handed observations:

1)When I log in, I have to hit control, alt and delete with one hand. Its like playing Twister with your fingers man.

2)People at work are looking at me (and justifiably so) like I'm Ike Turner o I'm just dude who fights all the time.

3)When I tell folks how I hurt my hand, everyone has a joke about how when you hit a wall, the wall always wins. Then they throw a sports analogy my way, then they break into a life's lesson speech.

4) I can't instant message with anyone too well, because I can't keep up with the fast pace. I'll think of something witty and smart to say, but it takes me 30 minutes to type it. By that time, the person you're chatting with has come up with 4 more jokes I have to respond to. IVE BEEN SILENCED MAN!!

5) I have more of an appreciation for women who have to shower delicately in order to not get their hair wet. Trying not to get this hand wet is quite a task, and thank God there are no cameras in the shower with me. Some of the poses I hit in there this morning were downright laughable.

6) On a more serious note, my boy Cliff and my dad had separate heart to heart talks with me last night, and they took it to me pretty good. They both forced me to look in the proverbial mirror and do a serious life audit. They weren't easy conversations to listen to, but I appreciated the love from both of them. I also appreciate my friends who have allowed me to vent about various things over the past few days.


This blog is going to be very interesting, when converted to book format...highs, lows, and everything in between. And I can release a CD with my favorite songs to accompany it. Good times!!!


MC Lyte - Cha Cha Cha