Wednesday, August 11, 2010

When I was single and dating, I used to apologize to women, even when I knew in my heart of hearts that I was right in the point I was trying to make. In my mind, I did not care about them enough to truly fight my point, because chances were pretty good that they wouldn't be around that much longer. Who has the energy to fight with someone that they don't really and truly care about?

Now I'm in about to married, and I've eschewed that way of thinking. If I believe I am right, I will tell my lady so, and if it means our argument is extended a few hours longer than usual so be it. We know that no matter what, we will come to some kind of understanding before we go to bed, and the door is even open for me to get a bit of the make up trim.

I say all this to say that last night I had a pretty bad argument with my mother, and she was completely in the wrong. I'm trying to help her sell/rent her condo, and I needed to ask her some follow up questions about details, and she blew up at me. I'll spare you the specifics, but at some point, I could no longer take the misguided anger she was dishing out, so I decided to dish out a bit of my own. In hindsight, I should have just gotten off the phone once her decibel levels got to a unbearable levels, but I was in the heat of the moment I suppose. We abruptly got off the telephone without saying goodbye, goodnight or I love you.

As soon as we hung up, I thought about all that my mother is going through right now, and then I thought about how bad I would feel if something happened to her, and we had left off on such a sour note. Then I thought about how nasty I was in response to her nastiness, and I said f**k it, let me take the high road and apologize..and I did. I was still angry, I felt like I had walked into some residual anger she had been carrying all day, but I still was the one who apologized, because it just felt like the right thing to do. As soon as I apologized, she did the same, and then she politely, but quickly, rushed me off the phone, because she was talking to her girlfriend (presumably about me).

I went to bed at peace, and I hope she did too. But now I wonder if we've reached that stage, where arguments are more frequent and sometimes irrational. She's going through it with her mother, my father went through with his mother as she got older, and I may have hit that milestone as well. I believe its called the I-am-getting-older-and-crankier syndrome. You want to love and respect your parents the best you can (and I do), but I swear, the older they get, the more they successfully work your last nerve. I have no real point here, I'm just venting, forgive me. But I would like to extend the middle finger to those people who have no better advice/words of wisdom than to say, "Well at least you parents are still living!" That's a bit self-righteous. I can love and appreciate my livings parent while trying to win arguments..can't I?

So Whatcha Want - Beastie Boys
For some reason, when this song comes on during my morning run, I feel invincible. And it is THE best Beastie Boys song in my opinion. The video is cool too.

1 comment:

scout said...

everybody goes through it with their parents, i think, for the simple fact that they ARE our parents and they will always view us as their CHILD. Not an adult, but a subordinate, lol. My mom and I went through it tough for a while until she finally understood that our relationship had changed because I became an adult and no longer someone living in her house and by her rules. I had my own house and my own rules and that took some getting used to for her. But we're easy peasy these days :) We've made a resolution and our the best of pals ;) Anyway, maybe your mom is going through that same adjustment period. Glad yall made up though.