Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I got "the" call last night. You know the call I'm talking about. It's the one when someone from your past, who you have nothing to say to, decides that the spirit has hit them, and they absolutely must call. But when they leave the message/email, their true intentions are never really stated. The intentions are always hidden under the guise of wanting to say hi. Sometimes they leave a message saying, "I didn't really want anything, and you don't have to call me back, I was just calling to say hi". Then two hours, maybe a day later, you get a call saying, why didnt you call me back yet. Or sometimes, said person will say, I'm just calling to say hi, give me a call back...which to me means that you were not JUST calling to say hi, but you expect me to return the favor as well. In my experience, unless that person has hit the lottery and wants to give you money or they have AIDS or something(sorry to be so morbid, but i'm making a point here man, hyperbole is mandatory) there is really no reason to humor this person by answering the phone..and I did not and I will not. Now, if I am completely honest, I can admit that I've made this type of call in my past..and the person(s) would always call me back. But they didn't have the guidance of a blogger breaking down how bad it can be to respond to this type of trickery.

Despite how it looks, I can totally understand why Tony Taylor would "snitch" on Michael Vick the way he did yesterday. The chances are great that all of them are going to jail, but Taylor doesn't have the money nor does he have the resources to properly stave off these charges the way Vick does. But what Taylor DOES have is information about Vick, and the dogfighting underworld, which is very valuable to the feds. Yes he can proclaim his love for Vick, and say he is going to do jail time for like Greg Anderson did for Barry Bonds, but that's dumb. The right thing to do is to come clean, snitch on Vick, and go on with your life. Besides, according to what I've read, Vick and Taylor have long since fallen out anyway. I wouldn't snitch on my brother, and my boys, then again, they wouldn't lead me that far left of the law either..that's why our friendships have such longevity.

Speaking of my boys, this song is the perfect one to listen to in the car with your boys(or girls) while you all are on your way to the club, bar, or bible study of course.

85 - Youngbloodz

Monday, July 30, 2007

Last night as I was trying to pick out something to wear, I came across one of my black suits. This is the black suit that was filled with smoke when I initially walked into my burned apartment, and I immediately "rescued" it and took it to the cleaners. It has been in that plastic since May 25th, when I took it out of the cleaners, and I haven't bothered to wear it at all. Last night, I took it out of that plastic, since I planned on wearing the pants today. When I removed it from the plastic, I could still smell a faint hint of smoke, and I actually smiled a bit, which is odd I know. Part of me misses that smell of smoke, but not because I'm some type of demented freak. When I walked in that apt and smelled smoke, at least I knew that all of my stuff was still there..yes it was burned, but it was still there. The absence of that scent, means my stuff is definitely gone forever. I'm well aware that it was just "stuff", and I know that the time has come for me to replace those things, and I have already started. But sometimes, like last night, I miss my old stuff. The stuff I had collected during my adult and adolescent life, the records, my old sheets, cds, pictures, my tv, cd player etc..I wasn't sad at all, just nostalgic..

My intern finally manned up this morning. I came in late, his music was playing, I turned on mine, and he has yet to back down. Very impressive. Although I must add, I'm slowly turning my music up louder and louder to drown his music out.

Picture Me Rollin' - 2pac

Sunday, July 29, 2007

File this entry under "be careful what you wish for". After I typed yesterday's entry, I decided to go back to the court to see if more people came up to the court. And while there weren't a lot of people out there, we had enough to play "21". Now mind you, I had been out there playing basically since 8am, so by the time I actually got to play with some real people I was a bit tired, but nothing I wasn't willing to fight thru. So I played two games of 21 in the 90 degree heat, and by the time I finished I was completely worn out. I got a Serena Williams type cramp in my calf, which still hurts right now, I slipped and fell, and then tried to break my fall with my right wrist, which also hurts while I'm typing(although it doesn't hurt as much as a broken hand, I'll tell you that), and of course I have the normal aches and pains that a 32 year old man who hasn't played regular ball in some time is going to have. Oh and I did win, one out of the two games of 21. But I'm paying for it dearly this morning. I'm headed back up there late this morning, to work some of the soreness out.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Since about noon yesterday i had been on a mission, and that mission was to play some basketball on Saturday morning. I got off work, went to my PO Box to get my mail, then headed to the barbershop to get a haircut, and then right before Target closed, I headed up there to buy a basketball. Not just any basketball, but a pro-size basketball, I had claimed on the internets. It had the perfect grip, it said NBA on it, and most importantly , it was an indoor/outdoor ball, which is the kind of versatility I look for in a ball. My plan was to wake up early Saturday morning, and go play ball at a court in Adams Morgan. This court is relatively empty, and it would allow me to get my game where it needed to be. I was not yet ready to play a full court game, because I'm not sure my wind would allow me to do that. Plus I just wanted to work on some fundamentals in preparation for a full court game sometime soon. I could do a one on one, two on two, and maybe even a three on three game, but half court was a bit much. As you can see I had put some serious thought into this.

After a night of restlessness, I woke up around 7am, and the first thing I did was listen to an excellent interview on the radio. Bob Costas was interviewing former Governor of New York, Mr. Mario Cuomo, and they covered topics ranging from Cuomo's minor league baseball days, to what he would do if he were commissioner to politics of course. It was such a compelling interview, that instead of leaving out of the house at 7 like I had planned to do, i decided to hear this inteview in its entirety, and leave out at 8am. A setback, but a welcome one. I grabbed my laptop, a towel, my newly purchased basketball, and a bottle of water, and I headed out to the basketball court ready to work.

There's a feeling of invincibility when you initially step out on an empty basketball court. Four baskets are at your disposal, your energy level is at maximum capacity, and when you go early in the morning, the heat has yet to arrive, so you feel as if you can play all day long. I put my bag down, and started my usual routine when I haven't play basketball in a long time. I did what is called the Mikan drill, which is an excellent way(especially for an old man like me) to establish rhythm and break up a light sweat, and I did just that. After that drill, i starting doing full court layups, jump and hook shots, post moves, and basically I was displaying the full repertoire as Marv Albert would say. Considering it had been a few months since I had played, my jumpshot was surprisingly good, although I was very tired (but I refused to drink water, I hate it when folks are playing ball and they take frequent water breaks...man the hell up). And then at this point, someone else stepped on the court...

Now when you are on the court solo, and someone else steps on the same court, immediately thoughts of one-on-one creep into your head, and that's exactly what was on my mind. I started shooting with my right hand(i'm left handed) just in case he was scouting my game, and I used less post moves and took more jumpshots..I don't even know if this other dude was paying attention to me, but dammit this is war, and I wanted to be prepared for anything. I stole some glances at him (I know this sounds borderline gay, but bear with me here) and I noticed that he was right handed, about 6'2(i'm 5'9) and he was lean...he looked to weight about 170-175, which means I could take him down to the post, and put my weight on him if need be(i'm 195). Mind you, all of this sizing up went down in a matter of about5 minutes. So now I was ready to play, so I went over there, and ask him if he wanted to run, and he said no I'm just hear to break a sweat. I said are you sure, and he said yes. Man I can't tell you how hurt and angry I was. One, here I had take the time to curtail my game and size up his, and he rejected me? And if you are trying to break a sweat, what better to do it than to play one, two, hell even three games of one on one. In some cases, you get a much better workout doing that, than you would in a full court game. But I left him and his pseudo-sweaty workout alone, and I went back to playing alone. Eventually he left the court, and I kept looking around hoping someone else would come to the court, but no such luck. I played for a good 45 minutes more, and then I came to the coffee shop to blog about this devastation.

So what's the lesson here? I need to hurry up and get in shape, so I can play 5 on 5. Its not in the cards for me to play one on one anytime soon I guess...

Friday, July 27, 2007

I'm sorry man, but I have given up on this mentor role for my intern. I cannot do it, I am just not cut out for it I guess. The brother comes in the office at 7:30 am(which is way too early for any extended conversation beyond good morning), telling me how he lost his bookbag on the train and it had his wallet in it..I said number one, why is your wallet in your bag, and not in your pocket, and he told some strange tale of a man bumping into people, and him not wanting his wallet stolen. Number two, bags have straps, these straps go on your arm, chest, genitals, somewhere, but the bag should not separate from you. I tried to mask my incredulous look, but after awhile, I'm sure it was as transparent as his immaturity. I don't know what is wrong with this young man, but I am quite sure that 2 months under my tutelage, can't even put a dent in the amount of work that needs to be done. I suppose I should continue to effort, but I damn near beyond the point of caring..

Man it is difficult going back and reading/editing some of my past blog entries. On some of them I feel like I went WAY overboard in terms of letting my emotions out, and in other entries I felt like I went WAY overboard in talking about an ex or somebody I used to deal with..why didn't you all tell me or something man? Needless to say, I will NOT be editing anything, except for a few proper nouns here and there. That way if someone reads my book and gets offended, I can use the old hey-that-wasn't-your-name trick.

After I finished editing and reading I got ready to go to bed, and I discovered that my laptop has a plethora of games on it, one of which is a golf game. I played it once, and then I noticed what the computer high score was, and then I was determined to beat the computer's score. Now mind you, I haven't played a video game of any sort since I was about 14, so these were definitely uncharted waters I was navigating here. I started playing around 10:55pm...at 3am, I had finally beat the computer score. During that time, I fought off 6 bouts of numb foot, the beginning stages of carpal tunnel, and an angry bladder..I felt like a jackass, but I was a jackass who was happy that he was victorious. See these are life's small treasures that we have to cherish.

Oh and I highly recommend listening to Richard Pryor on the way into work in the morning. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

3 Sides - Raheem Devaughn, Sy Smith and W. Ellington Felton

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I talked to my roommate from college last night, and its funny to me how things still have not changed one bit. I've known this man since 1992, and we basically talk about the same things. Women and sports. Of course we both have kids now, and the responsibilities have multiplied tenfold. He is married, so the stories he has to tell are a bit different, but still just as good. Before I went to college, my parents would tell me that the friends I made in college, would be long lasting, and to some degree that is the case. Based on some of the things we did during freshman year out of poverty, you really can't help BUT to get close and bond. In fact, I could write a week's worth of blogs on some of that stuff, but who really wants to read that? I digress... I really don't speak to anyone from college on a regular basis except him, but its just as well. It is really going to be weird in October at homecoming when he brings his wife and kids, and I bring my son and my ladyfriend. At that point, you can stamp old men on our respective foreheads.

I wish you could have seen how hard my intern was working yesterday. From about 8:30 to 2:30, he didn't go to the bathroom, check emails, give me eye contact or anything, he was just working like a man fresh out of jail. He finally came up for air around 3, and then he was as chatty as ever talking about some girl who was hollering at him on facebook(which I still know nothing about). I ignored him as usual, because frankly I'm still not too please with the no call/no show. And since his internship ends next month, my boss won't get rid of him, and that sucks. But all this means is that the hazing period will last for the duration of his tenure here, as opposed to me tapering it off. I'll still let him use me as a reference though. Right now, as I am typing, he is telling me yet another story..how can one man be so damn clueless.

As much as I am complaining, I am quite sure this man's day will be WAY worse than mine.

Beck - Loser

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I don't understand those people who try to mask the fact that they are cursing by doing things like this: sh*t, bytch, a$$, *%*%*$(, shat, arse, eff, and the list goes on. If you want to curse a motherfucker out, or just curse period, then do that shit with some authority goddammit. Don't tiptoe and shuck and jive, because whatever point you were trying to make loses most, if not all of its steam when you do. Either curse like a champ, or familiarize yourself with some damn synonyms via a Thesaurus..or just come see me, I'll help you out. That shit is ji-like (hello dc slang) frustrating.
To all of you clowns who repeatedly tell me I am too hard on my intern, I would like for you to read this entry very carefully. This fool doesn't show up or call at all yesterday. My supervisor, and her boss, both asked me on more than one occasion where he was and if he called, and I couldn't even cover for the lad, because he broke the rules. I told him the first day he came, that if he was ever out he needed to call me, and then I'd relay the message. I gave him my cell, my work number, my work email address, and my personal email address. Yet yesterday came and went, and not a damn thing. I even called and left him a few messages, but to no avail. So today, when I come into the office, he's playing music and relaxing, like everything is cool. Now I could have been mean, but since I am trying to be the shepherd here recently, I took the high road. I told him that when he's out, he needs to call me. His reasoning for not calling me was that he left his cell phone in his mom's car, and she left for work, and cut his ass off, and said that the reasons and the excuses really were irrelevant, but the main point is he was a no call/no show and that wasn't cool. So I told him to go apologize to his my boss, and her boss. Now was I wrong? Maybe. But dammit, when i'm out, I call, and that's what folks do in the real world. And to make things worse, he told me that during the early afternoon yesterday, he started to call, but he thought it would be too late. I said to him, I thought you didn't have the number, and he said, well I was going to use the yellow pages. If this was a movie I would have stared at the camera and shook my head.

Yesterday was a sad day for sports man. Real sad. The Barry Bonds scrutiny continued, David Stern gave a sad press conference about Tim Donaghy, the owner and general manager of the Atlanta Falcons gave a press conference about where they stood with Michael Vick, one of the Tour de France bikers was caught taking an illegal substance, and to top it all off, a minor league baseball coach was killed when an errant ball struck him in the head. Now these stories happen in sports all the time, but rarely do stories of this magnitude happen on the same day. The sports shows and newspapers read like the front page or the 6 o'clock news, instead of just the sports page. Usually I love sports, because it is an escape from the depressing daily news of the world. But yesterday all that was out of the window, and when that is combined with what is already a slow sports period, you have a sports depression. Never in my life have I looked forward to boring ass preseason football, like I am now.

Sugar - Lenny Kravitz

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

This morning I overheard two women who looked to be my age talking about cheating and marriage. They obviously were married, and it didn't seem like they were plotting to do any cheating; however, they were discussing whether they would take their husbands back if they caught or found out about them cheating. One of them clearly said she would take him back, because they took a vow before God that said for better or for worse, and apparently she put cheating squarely under the worse category. The other woman said she would take her husband back, but she also said she would lead her husband to believe that she had cheated too(even though she said she wouldn't go through with it) just to throw him off and make things even. Neither woman considered leaving, and I found this to be interesting. So it got me to thinking..what would I do if I got cheated on...I know for a fact that one ex of mine cheated on me, but considering I had the market cornered on cheating at that point, I really didn't say anything. But, contrary to what some folks may think, I am at a point where I do not want to cheat at all anymore. Now if the stakes were higher, and I was married, I really cannot say what I would do. The knee jerk reaction is to say eff you, I'm out..But after that initial emotion subsides, I'm sure the fact that I loved this woman enough to marry her would come out, and I'd have second thoughts. A friend of mine told me that this is the kind of stuff that is discussed in marriage counseling, which is funny to me. It is also funny to me when folks who AREN'T married, speak with pseudo-expertise and rather defiantly about what they would or would not do. Just like with anything else, you really cannot say what would happen, until you are placed in that situation. I think this paragraph lost focus about halfway through...

My intern is now 30 minutes late, and he hasn't called. Considering all the ammunition I have on him, without him really doing anything wrong, this certainly is not helping the jihad I have already unleashed on his ass. If he comes in here late, and then goes straight for the internets, we are going to have a stern talk.

Oh, and I would really appreciate it, if all my readers(including the ones who read but don't comment) could donate some money to the Rashad-wants-an-iphone-fund. That would be great!

Sade - Keep Looking

Monday, July 23, 2007

I forgot to mention that on Friday, I went to see the movie, Talk To Me, featuring Don Cheadle. Going into the film, I had read mixed reviews on this film, but rarely do I let that deter me, so I went to see it regardless(or irregardless, they are interchangeable in this blog). The movie was good, Don Cheadle put on yet another virtuoso performance, but the thing that stuck out the most was the way the death of Dr. Martin Luther King was handled. Now my parents grew up in that era, and they spoke of the sadness and devastation surrounding the deaths of not only Dr. King, but Malcolm X, the 4 Birmingham Girls, Medgar Evers, Emmett Till, and countless others who were probably publicized much less. I also watched numerous Civil Rights documentaries including Eyes On the Prize, and they too do an excellent job of recapturing the atmosphere during the Civil Rights movement. But to actually see how the scene was recaptured in the movie was very emotional. Not to give away anything, but Petey Greene was given the note about Dr. King's death right after it happened, and he had to get on the radio and announce. To see the emotion of both he and the other radio station djs, and then to see the ripple effect of that was pretty moving. That's something that was never re-created for me before, so I found it very interesting. Above all of the other leaders during that movement, Dr. King was considered to be head and shoulders above everyone else, and he definitely was the most influential. And although he spoke of death often, and his followers knew it could be coming, when it actually happened it was a big deal.

So that got me to thinking about who could die, or what could happen to invoke that kind of emotion in the black community first, and the country overall. All of the deaths I could think about were of celebrities, and MAYBE Obama since he's considered to be a viable presidential candidate. But I think people are greatly desensitized to celebrity deaths right about now, and Obama, as good as a candidate as he is shaping up to be, is definitely still in the embryonic stages of not only his candidacy but of leadership overall. I guess the closest thing in MY lifetime that brought this country to its knees was Sept. 11th, and the memory of that is still relatively fresh. But my elusive point here is that there isn't ONE leader to lead "us" anymore. I don't even think that's a bad thing to be honest, I think that speaks to growth, which means from that standpoint that movement was successful. I've had this discussion with other people, and they vehemently disagree, but they can't touch me here.

Young Girl(remix) - Pharrell featuring Jay-Z

Saturday, July 21, 2007

So I went to a wine tasting today over at finewine wine shop in Gaithersburg, and I had a damn good time. I used to never understand how folks could by an entire box of wine just to sit it in their house, but after attending today's event, I now understand. There are so many different kinds of wine, that go with so many different types of food and dessert, so it would actually be cool to have lots of different options. The highlight of the event? Drinking a 32 year old Riesling that aged perfectly. I had relatively sober during the entire tasting, but once I drank that I was good and tipsy. Good times indeed.

Since I was over in Gaithersburg, Maryland, I decided to drive by the house I grew up in over in Potomac, MD. Of all the places my parents moved my brother and I to during my childhood, that house still means the most to me. Not just because it was a nice house, but because that's where I saw my parents at their closest, and its also where I saw them split up and divorce. So I was saddened and nostalgic at the same time..needless to say, I won't be doing that anymore. Given the new found happiness I am running into in all other aspects of my life, it really does me no good to go backwards..

enough rambling.

Jill Scott - The Way (live)

Friday, July 20, 2007

So I have taken two days off and I am well rested, and what do I come back to? One, as I am unlocking the door to my office with my ipod on, my intern comes up from behind and lightly pushes my shoulder, and I swear I almost turned around and punched him dead in the face. He proceeded to giggle like a little girl(I'm not using the b-word today), and I looked at him without smiling, and said not only was I not amused, but this was not the place to be playing around like that. But he told me to lighten up, and I just walked in calmly thinking this. Then, while I am trying to write this here blog, he shows me some stupid youtube clip for Tickle Me Elmo thinking I would laugh, and it was hopelessly unfunny, and I stopped him and said I needed to take care of something. Even now, as I type, he is telling that he missed my music, and all he had to play in my absence was his favorite JJ Holiday song. I suppose this is payback for being a bum as one person said in my comments yesterday. This is a cruel cruel trick to play, and before the summer is over, I will have to accidentally trip, stomp, and tie up this intern...outside the office of course.

A year ago today, I started this blog, not knowing what to expect at all. I knew that I had not been writing very much, and I had heard that a blog was the perfect venue to not only write, but to have people look and comment on the writings. I remember that I covered mundane topics when I first started, but as my life got more and more interesting so did the blogs. I am currently in the process of editing the entries in preparation for my book, and I have noticed that my life has been QUITE a ride over the past year. I have gone thru countless women, held on to an ex too long, been taken thru a Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego type search for my son, watched my brother get married with child, have an ex go thru cancer, broke my hand and last but certainly not least I survived a fire that took all of my belongings. All the while I have picked many interesting readers..some of which I know about, others that continue to lurk and read without commenting, which is fine. That's a hell of a year..by my standards at least, and hopefully that makes for an entertaining book. I gave serious thought to stopping today, but I don't think I want to anymore. I cannot guarantee it will be as interesting as the first year, but I can guarantee it will be uniquely Rashad, and goddammit that should be enough.

On Da Grind - Daz and Kurupt

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Day 2 of the great slack off continues. I woke up late, went to play tennis, ate an egg, sausage and bagel, and now I am watching the Cosby Show in the middle of a work day while enjoying a mimosa. Tomorrow I will return to the daily grind, but for now, I am still chillin...

I also have come up with a new job for myself. Common Sense Advisor to pro athletes. Somewhere between high school and professional sports these athlete lose their common sense, and in some cases it is highly debatable whether they EVER had it. You have guys drunk driving, beating women, taking steroids, dog fighting, buying 66 cars, and the people around them, including their agents, just enable them, and tell them that as long as they perform on the field/court everything would be fine. My job would be to bring the reality back to the equation, and to paint a picture for them, about what the consequences of their actions would be. I guarantee my services would be in high demand. I wouldn't charge THAT much money either, I'd just be trying to keep these gentlemen out of trouble. For some reason, female athletes(except Marion Jones) are able to avoid this type of trouble..then again, there are way more male athletes so that's not a fair comparison. Anyway, I should draw up a business plan, and pitch it to someone.

ok back to "work"....

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I am feeling incredibly sluggish this morning, and I cannot figure out why. At first I thought it was just the headache I had, but now it just feels like fatigue. Of course when I am feeling like this, I am not productive, not thinking constructively, and I just feel straight up lazy...so I'm off today..i'm taking some Rashad time to do whatever the hell I want to do. Of course, I wouldn't mind spending my off day with someone, but oh well. I of all people can certainly figure out what to do with myself on days like this. So this is basically an extended way of saying kiss my ass I don't feel like blogging today..or right now at least

Oh, and Michael Vick is in some real trouble..especially if he reads this

Leave Me Alone - Michael Jackson

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Today is my younger brother's 29th birthday. Not only does this mean that he is getting old, it means that I am getting older. I still remember vividly pictures of us when we were younger like the one above, and I remember kicking his ass something terrible at all sports(except Double Dribble), and I also remember the countless fights we got into. So it is still hard to wrap my mind around the concept that he is now married, with child and 29. So happy birthday to you baby brother. Hopefully your 29th year will bring you much needed facial hair.

I know I have mentioned this many times in my blog, but I think this particular issue of Barry Bonds is worth yet another issue. The media is KILLING him for taking performance enhancing drugs, as if this is the only reason why he is great, and as if he is the only one out there who did it. The ONLY reason why his name is tossed around, is that someone illegally leaked grand jury testimony where he said he "accidentally" took something. Now I don't believe for one minute that he accidentally took anything, but I damn sure don't think he should be as vilified as he is everyday. Now Bonds certainly doesn't help his case with his bad attitude(which I respect to some degree), and he definitely doesn't help things when he curses and then tells the media to go away. But that's part of sports, and people get angry after games all the time. And if it sounds like I'm a Barry Bonds apologist, then so be it. The man is a great player, he probably took some kind of substance that made me greater, but shouldn't change much. It is really getting annoying to see the media just make him out to be a wife beater or something like that. I'm off the soapbox now.

No intern stories today. Well he did tell me a TMI story yesterday about how he almost got a girl pregnant..but other than that all is quiet.

Think About It - Snoop Dogg
I don't think I've ever heard Snoop flow this well..and he doesn't even spell his name 67 times in one song like he usually does.

Monday, July 16, 2007

I had to laugh this morning when I walked into the office, because my intern had that same wack song from last week playing when I arrived in the office; however, this time, as soon as I put my bag down, he swiftly walked over and turned the music off, and said, "I know you like to play your jazz on Monday mornings". I played humble on the outside, but inside I was laughing. Only 3 weeks in, and he's trained. Now if I get him to let me settle down for 10 minutes, before he starts bombarding me with his weekend activities. And he's not wearing a belt, so his dress pants are sagging. That is something I actually will talk to him about this morning. this concludes the intern diaries.

I saw a man with a suit and tennis shoes on this morning, and that is not acceptable at all..not to me at least. They make all kinds of dress shoes these days including ones that are comfortable when walking distances. It just seems like as a man, you are waving the white flag when you wear tennis shoes and a nice suit. Its like driving a minivan, or wearing a purse/pouch like a marsupial. Women can get away with it all day long, because some of the shoes that they wear,are damn near impossible to stand in, let alone walk, and forget about walking long distances. Speaking of feet, I don't understand men with foot fetishes at all. I'll rub a woman's feet, suck on her toes, and all that, but you damn sure won't see me up at night pleasuring myself to the way a woman's foot hit the carpet, and then went back up. That is perverse, although I know that really does it for some people.

This is going to be a fantastic week. I'll be cooking tonight for the first time in a LONG time. And if I'm lucky, someone might even eat it.

My Only - Danielle Brisebois
It took a LONG time to find this song, so appreciate it please. Its a nice, mellow song.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

About an hour ago, I found myself eating breakfast about 2 feet from a gay couple. There were plenty of places for them to sit in this establishment, but they chose to sit near me, which I thought was no big deal. But their open display of affection made me a bit squeamish..ok more than a bit. I'm a little leery of open displays of affection anyway, but to see this was hard man. They were tongue kissing like there was no tomorrow, making comments about each other's ass when they got up, and other things that I won't mention in the family blog. It got so bad, that even other gay individuals around, were looking at them like they were crazy. I didn't get up and leave abruptly, and I didn't let on that i was uncomfortable, but it may have shown all over my face who knows. When I finally did get up to leave, I was getting ready to leave my ipod, and one of the guys in this couple said oh don't forget this. I said thank you, he commented that he had lost 3 ipods, i said Alzheimer's is a cruel disease, and he and his lovah laughed, and then I rolled out. And yes I am patting myself on the back for being affable in the face of discomfort, but i wonder if my reaction makes me a certifiable homophobic, or was it natural to feel that way.

This matters to no one except me, but I am finally sleeping in a bedroom that looks semi-normal. There's a new bed, a nightstand, a dresser and a television. I haven't been able to say that since May 18th.

Back in the Day (Puff) - Erykah Badu

Saturday, July 14, 2007

There is nothing like waking up early on a Saturday morning to a nice conversation with a friend, reading Playboy with her in it, and walking down the street to a coffee shop for orange juice and a little blogging. It doesn't hurt that the weather is absolutely beautiful too. So how will I be spending the rest of this wonderful day? Moving, lifting heavy things and sweating profusely. I have zero complaints though, because i want to help my mother, and I definitely want finally have get some things for my apt. But damn if it wouldn't be nice to sit here all day alternating between wine and water while relaxing..that's the kind of day it is.

As i am sitting here typing, there is this nice family right next to me, and I suspect they are being nosy and reading over my shoulder. This would be the perfect time to pull up the rest of the Playboy pictures...It would serve them right for being so damn nosy

Oh, and last night, i briefly stopped in this spot called Creme in DC, and there was an all black jazz band grooving away..and there was nobody in there watching. Baby steps though right?

Tanya Morgan - Take the L (Get It)

Friday, July 13, 2007

I had one of those "check yourself" moments this morning while walking in the train station. A guy in front of me dropped his wallet, and didn't notice it at all, and it landed right at my feet. Now in reality, about 30 seconds went by before I gave it back to him, but in my mind it felt like about 3 hours. First I quickly snatched up the wallet and held it, and then I kind of look around to see who saw me pick it up and no one did. I didn't open it at all, but I held it, and then an angel appeared on my left shoulder, and the devil was perched on my right and we did a point/counterpoint argument. It really shouldn't have been that hard of a decision, but it was, and that is kind of sad. Given that I just lost all of my possessions, I shouldn't have taken that long to give someone just one small wallet. But I guess it was a lesson for me. Eventually, I caught up to the gentleman, gave him back his wallet, and he thanked me, shook my hand and caught his train. It would have been cool if he reached in his wallet and gave me a five dollar bill or something, but that's just me nitpicking. Anyway, I feel a little guilty about the whole thing, but I really shouldn't because I did do the right thing...

Speaking of Spike Lee, here is my favorite song from his movie School Daze:

I Can Only Be Me - Keith John

Thursday, July 12, 2007

All the blogs I've written over the past year or so, and the one about me treating the intern like he's in a concentration camp and I'm Hitler, and THAT'S the one that drums up the most comments? All the man had to do was step and say he wanted to play his music, or he could have continued playing it, and made me say something. Now, in fairness to me, I did let him play his music during lunch, and he rewarded me by playing the EXACT same song over and over. This just further lets me know my behavior was needed. And may I add that he asked me to take his picture...IN THE OFFICE..for his myspace page? I just thought I'd pile on a little bit there. He is a good kid, very smart, and he picks up things quickly, and he is also very articulate and he speaks so damn well. I plan to help him out over the next couple of months, but come on man..what's wrong with a little hazing?

Last night, for the second time within a week, I went to listen to some jazz for a bit. And for the second time, both the band and the crowd listening to said band, were 95% white. Now, I'm not a racist at all(yes I am), but it continues to frustrate me that I don't see more people who look like me listening to the music. When I left this spot, I walked by a couple night clubs, and there were all the black people. I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but its been happening gradually over the past 10-15 years or so, and even the jazz musicians have stood up and taken notice. I remember Branford Marsalis saying one time he loves anybody that loves his music white or black..but considering the roots of jazz, it pains him that a certain chunk of black folks in my generation just don't care for jazz. I love jazz, because my father loved it, and made me listen to it. Depending on how much I like someone, I will turn them on to jazz, and I definitely do it with my son. I just wish more people would get into it, but that's just me speaking selfishly once again.

By the way, after I left the jazz performance, I was headed home and I saw Sugar Bear of EU(Mr. Doin the Butt Man to everyone outside of DC). He was in an SUV in front of Ben's Chilli Bowl, and you'll never guess what song was blaring out of his speakers..at 11pm no less...Da Butt. Now I'm the best with numbers and the like, but I am pret-tay, pret-tay sure that song came out in 1988. I wonder if he's a member of the Uncle Ben's older man crew that use creepy tactics to get women. His theory is that if he loudly plays a song in his car, that he starred in 20 years ago, maybe someone will recognize him, then give him some trim. The whole scene struck me as odd..then again, I am the same man who terrorizes 20 year old interns, so maybe it is I who is the odd one.

Disrespectful - Chaka Khan featuring Mary J Blige

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

So, for just one minute, allow me to share how selfish I can be. I came into work about 20 minutes late, and when I arrived, my intern was already here playing his music..which is well within his right to do..I guess. But he has been here a week and a half, and not once has he played his music, usually because I am playing mine..very selfishly. So when I arrived, and he was playing some wack ass music, I immediately got a little perturbed..not angry, just annoyed. He was playing some guy named J. Holiday, and I was not at all impressed. But rather than asking him to turn off this filth, I just asked him what he was listening to, and he told me who it was. He then asked me if I liked it, and I said hells no. And then there was an awkward silence..he let the song play until it ended, and then he went to turn off his music. I then checked my voicemail, cued up my Windows Media, and promptly put on my music. No words were spoken, no questions were asked, I just commandeered the office music selections. Is it selfish? without question. But he's the intern, I'm the regular employee. He's the student, I'm the teacher, he's Jazzy Jeff, I'm Will Smith, and finally he's any scrub on the Cavaliers, and I'm Lebron, which means unless headphones are secured tightly in your ear, you gets no control of the music, I do. To quote a line from a early 90s gangster rap song..Motherfucker I'm Dre!

*read this whole entry in a Samuel Jackson voice*

And now I'll post an inspirational song, as my petition for entry into heaven

Ain't No Need To Worry - The Winans featuring Anita Baker

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Why do men even bother trying to talk to women during the morning commute? Rarely do I see this situation come out favorable for the man, except in cases when a mutual conversation just happens to jump off. This morning I saw this man who appeared to be 50 years old try to talk to this woman who looked to be half his age. This woman and I were on the down escalator towards the train platform, and Uncle Ben's was on the escalator going up. This man got to the top of the escalator, went back down, and sat down next to the woman on the train platform. I promptly turned down the volume to the my ipod, so that I may hear the festivities. When I looked over at the woman, her facial expression said, "Are you crazy old man?", yet the man pushed on with his game. He said..and I'm not making this up, "Baby you looked so beautiful I'm going to be late to work so that I can come get your number." Now..it sounds harmless enough right? But oh no my friends, he said it in a creepy old man way, and from my vantage point, it looked like he was staring straight down her shirt(which means I guess I was too). He then touched her shoulder, and she quickly, but gently pushed his hand away, but again his resolve appeared to be way stronger than his actual game. At this point, he said, "babygirl, I have to get going, but can I get your number?" Again, the woman said no, I have a boyfriend, and Uncle Ben coolly walked off and said, "he aint better than me". As the dude walked by, he looked at me and winked, and then walked away. Now, I know many men who see another guy fail at trying to holler at a woman, and then piggyback off that man's failure for their own personal gain. Me myself, I am not that kind of man..for many reasons..although I found Uncle Ben's failed attempt to be hilarious. I just turned up the volume and minded my own business. The point here is that usually in the morning, NOBODY wants to talk, let alone be hit on by a man who makes his living by putting his face on the box of rice. Just sit on the train, read the paper, listen to music and relax...that's Allstate's stand.

Darlin' Darlin' - The O'Jays

Monday, July 09, 2007

A friend of mine has been reading the book, "The Secret", and every now and then she takes time to share with me a lessons or words of wisdom she has come across. I had heard a little about this book, but as with any other book that everyone is reading, I usually just brush it off until the hype dies down a bit. But the lessons that have been shared with me, are actually pretty useful and interesting..and yes some of them are common sense but everyone needs gentle reminders. So why do I mention it this morning? Because I was fully prepared to bitch and moan about this heat, and how sweaty it has me at only 7am, and how cranky it has folks all around me. However, the combination of "The Secret" lessons and the good sermon my mother laid on me yesterday, has me feeling a bit more positive about things. And all this positivity could vanish by noon, but I'm going to try to ride it on out a bit. Of course all this makes for a boring blog entry, but its Monday what do you want me to do?

One more word about church. I am convinced that I need someone there with me every time I go..whether it be my brother, a girlfriend, a cousin or something. I can't tell you how many jokes came to mind while I was sitting there, and I had NO one to share them with. And yes I got all the lessons I was supposed to get, and yes I behaved for the most part, but dammit there are some quality jokes to be had and shared in church, and they really aren't as effective when you're attempting to share them to someone who wasn't there.

You Don't Have To Worry (remix) - New Edition and Missy

Sunday, July 08, 2007

I watched my mother preach again today, and it never gets old. not at all. I always get nervous watching her, because I want everything to go smoothly, and I want everyone within the church to pay attention to the message she's trying to convey. I even found myself getting defensive when I would see folks nodding off, or talking during her sermon, which is ridiculous, but that's how much I want people to listen to her. She ended up doing a fantastic job(unbiased opinion). She spoke about praising God, even when in the midst of difficult situation, and her sermon was peppered with references to me and conversations she and I had regarding the fire and what lessons i was supposed to learn. And sometime during the sermon, it hit me that she really is leaving the area. It's not a BIG deal, because Greensboro is about a 4-5 hour drive away, but i'm used to her being 20 minutes away. It's kind of sad, but to dwell on that would be incredibly selfish. So by the end of her sermon, I decided to just chill out, enjoy her company before she leaves, and make it a point to visit often. That's all I really can do.

Oh and I was having all kinds of dirty thoughts in church..x-rated stuff too. At this point, I don't even try to fight it anymore. I'm a pervert, i'm in church, bad things are bound to happen right?

I'm really giving more and more thought to stopping this blog in a couple weeks. As my friend Jolanda said yesterday, its not quite the same as it was when I started. I am going thru somethings now both good and bad, that I like keeping to myself. Not to mention, therapy has become my outlet moreso than this blog. There's no way in hell I am going to stop writing, but it may be more infrequent and definitely less personal. Of course, I could change my mind at the drop of a hat too. who knows..

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Why is it so difficult to find a mailbox here in DC? I had to mail off something, and I swear I had to walk around for almost 45 minutes trying to find a mailbox. Yes I could have gone to a post office, but it was not convenient to do at that time. And it seems to me all train stations should have mailboxes near them. If they can have newspaper machines and ATMs, surely a mailbox can get some love.

I saw the movie Waitress last night, and it was a surprisingly good movie. It is the prototypical chick flick, but I'm glad I didn't let that stop me, because I enjoyed it. Afterwards my friend told me that one of the main characters, and the director of the film Adrienne Shelly had been killed last November, which made the film that much more creepy. And then I thought back to when I watched Tupac: Resurrection, and how creepy it was then that 2pac narrated the entire movie, despite the fact that he had been dead for 10 years. Posthumous works are creepy all the way around, but when you are watching someone on the big screen who was taken away prematurely, it is just a weird feeling. Wow, this paragraph has taken quite an interesting turn.

And since I mentioned seeing a chick flick, I may as well mention that I watched Oprah for the third time(watched when Dave Chappelle was on there and when Michael Jackson was on), and the issue was infidelity. Not just infidelity, but men and women who slept with their spouses best friend. I'm quite sure this is a topic that has been covered ad nauseum in the talk show circuit as well as in movies, soap operas, etc. But for some reason when I was watching this Oprah episode, it just hit me how bold it is to not only cheat on your spouse, but to do with their best friend. That's hell express right there. I wonder if I would take my wife back if she did that to me..I wonder if I lose my damn mind and go OJ on both of them. I'd like to say that I would forgive my wife, and rely on the God's strength, but that's simply not bloody likely.

This entry makes no sense.

I Love You - Smif N Wesson/Mary J Blige

Friday, July 06, 2007

This morning I began to kick around the pros and cons of biking to work everyday. I'm starting to see more and more people do it ,and considering I live about 15-20 minutes away from my job, I think it is definitely worth thinking about. The obvious con is the fact that I'd be sweating profusely before the work day even started, although there are showers here at work. The other con is if I wanted to shower here, I would have bring a change of clothes, which is kind of difficult if I am biking. The pros are the great workout I would get, and of course a more scenic route to work than the underground one I usually get. Plus I would be biking hard, but not Lance Armstrong hard, so the sweat I'd accumulate(days like today not withstanding) would be manageable I believe. I think I am going give it a shot in the next couple of weeks or so, and see how I like it. The vanity side of me does NOT want to wear those Star Wars storm troopers bike helmets, but I suppose since its the law I have to do it.

My mother is supposed to preach this Sunday at 11am, and the combination of it being the last time she preaches in the church and the emotion that goes with it, means that this will be VERY emotional for her. I need to get her flowers, take her out to eat, buy some Kleenex, and anything else I can think of, because I know she'll be a mess and justifiably so. As a man, there aren't many times that we get emotional like that. I can think of 3 times I've really been overcome with emotion. 1)The fire, 2)Seeing the Pursuit of Happyness with my son, and 3)seeing my son 10 minutes after he was born. Aside from that, I pretty much keep my emotions in check which is totally unhealthy and dangerous as my therapist would say. My father is the exact same way, and I should know by now what the long term ramifications are for being like that. I'm rambling...

I remember seeing a 60 Minutes special on Michael Jackson and Thriller back in 1983, and Quincy Jones told a story about this particular song. He said Michael was so embarrassed about having to beg during the last 2 minutes of the song, that he had to lock him in a room in the dark to get it out of him. He also said it made Michael Jackson very uncomfortable and its one of the reasons MJ and Quincy don't work together anymore. Its not that there are hard feelings, its just that MJ does NOT like being out of his comfort zone and Quincy like to be in control. So when you hear the last 2 minutes of this song, and MJ is begging and pleading on this song like he NEVER has on any other song, think about that.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

This is an entry I have avoided typing all week, but I really need to get it off of my chest. Starting last week and ending this past Monday, my ex had really been trying to get in contact with me so she could "talk". If you remember, she had tried this approach back in January, and I gave in, and another attempt at a relationship ensued. This time, I had no interest in giving her or us another chance, and I told her as much. She was VERY persistent, and even now I don't truly believe she will leave me alone, but for now she said she would. My friends and family have wanted me to leave this woman alone for 3-4 years now, and I would always come up with some sort of an excuse. I'd say that I owed her because I had cheated, or I would say that THIS time would be the time we finally got things together, and my friends and family would be patient with me. But I strongly suspect that behind my back, they were thinking this fool is just plain stupid, and maybe to some degree they were right...but I don't think so. I never told my friends and family EVERYTHING, so I guess they were never truly able to get a complete picture. They just knew that she was able to bring a bad side out of me, that they had never seen before, and they thought it would be best to get rid of her. My point here is that it took awhile, but I am finally listening to their advice. But even now, I can hear folks saying, he's not really leaving her alone, and they will be back together..which is not true at all, but I've cried wolf one too many times to be taken seriously. What's my point? I have none, I am just getting this thought off of my chest on my second consecutive day off.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Tennis is the word for the day. I woke up this morning, and went to play tennis(finally) with a friend of mine. We had to wait damn near 30 minutes for a court to open up and it was actually pretty interesting watching other couples play. There were some really skilled players out there, and then there were players who clearly were out there for the workout, and not neccesarily to put on a display. My friend and I weren't very good to be honest, but I got a good workout, and I definitely will be returning again in the future. Hopefully this will put me back in the mode of working out consistently, since I really haven't done much of anything since the fire.

Also, as I am typing this entry, Serena Williams just lost her match at Wimbledon, and I am fighting back the tears as I type. Not because she lost, but at the sight of the heavenly ass. Good times indeed.

Not much to say today..its a holiday and i'm relaxing.

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

You know most of the time we think of our parents as just parents, not friends, not professionals, not any of the other roles they play in life, or at least I don't. I have looked at my mother as the woman who raised me, the woman who gives me advice, and the woman who possesses the uncanny knack for getting on my nerves. Yesterday, at my mother's farewell reception, I was able to see a completely different side of her. My mother, after 19 years, is leaving George Mason to take the job of provost at Bennett College in North Carolina. Her job decided to give her a reception in her honor, and I surprised my mother by showing my face. While I was in that reception room, I saw my mother's colleagues, old friends, old students, current students, and people who knew her by her reputation. Everyone who got on the microphone had nothing but praises for her, and it was just a good feeling to see someone who I call mother, get all these high praises from her peers. I had way more of an appreciation for who she is and will continue to be outside of her role as a parent. Of course, she managed to put me right on the spot during her speech, and I had to meet EVERYONE in the damn room, but I really didn't mind....that much. It was weird to have people come up to me who I had never met, say to me, Rashad, right? I've heard so much about you, and I just want to give you a hug. It makes you feel good as a child to know that your parents will brag on you, even when you probably don't deserve it. Very good times indeed. I am going to miss my mother being in this area with me, but I know she's moving on to bigger and better things.

I have an intern in my office with me, and he is really cramping my blogging style. He's all over my shoulder, asking me why my picture is online, asking me if the people in the office know I blog, and he is just too damn eager. I told his happy ass that he needs to be networking in this office, since he is a criminal justice major, instead of watching me. I also told him to make sure he dresses right, comes in on time, and go the extra mile whenever he can. These are things that I don't come close to doing, but then again I am not trying to get a career in the Dept of Justice, he is(aka do as I say, not as I do). I detect a hint of the ghey, but I have put aside my homophobia long enough to help the young brother out. As I said before, what good is it to be 32, if I can't transfer some of my limited knowledge to the ghey youth.

You've Got It Bad - Stevie Wonder

Monday, July 02, 2007

Phase two of the fire recovery process starts this week I believe. Now that I have found someplace to stay for the next few months, I have to now put to use all the money and the giftcards that I've gotten over the past month or so. I need just about everything you can imagine except clothes, which means I will be doing the very thing that I detest and despise so much, and that is shop. I did a bit of shopping on Saturday, and it just seems to be altogether inefficient. I spent 20-30 minutes going up and down aisles looking for things, no one around me seemed to want to help me find items, and when I finally tracked down a "customer sales representative", they seemed totally oblivious to my needs, and more concerned with fraternizing with their fellow partners in customer service. Once I get to a point when I have all of my items, THEN I have to stand in line for a longer period of time than it took in the first place. I'm not really asking for sympathy here, what this paragraph serves as is a cry for help. Do my shopping for me..this ain't clothes shopping, I don't need to give sizes. I just need stuff like towels, an ironing board, maybe a bookshelf..if I sit down I can come up with a list, and then someone can get these things for me. What good is a blog, if you can't reach out every now and then..

I had a great weekend. I feel relaxed, focused, and ready to take on any and everything. This is my Stuart Smalley moment.

Rocketship - Donnie

Sunday, July 01, 2007

I saw the Michael Moore movie Sicko last night, and it really messed with me. I don't always agree with his heavy handed tactics, and as I heard someone say on tv yesterday, he tends to use a crane when only tweezers are necessary. But the one thing Moore does very well is create dialogue and discussion about issues that may otherwise swept under the rug. To watch how this country handles health care in comparison to other countries that have considerably smaller resources was very very disturbing. It makes me want to talk to someone in the industry to figure out are there some issues regarding this that I am missing, or is this country just hell bent on making money off the fact that we need health care to survive. I realize not everyone is a Michael Moore fan, but I do think this is worth seeing. My name is Rashad, and I approve this message. Next movie to tackle: Al Gore's An Convenient Truth.

I know this won't matter to anyone who reads this blog, but it made me very happy to just read that Barry Bonds will be playing and starting in this year's allstar game. For the past 5 years, Barry has taken all kinds of criticism, and some of it is very justified. But the fact remains that Barry, even before the alleged steroid use, was a Hall of Fame player. As I told my father, steroids make bad players average, average players good, good players great, and great players superhuman. Barry was already a great player, and I think that he did do something illegal, but it doesn't diminish his greatness. So I think it is very fitting that the year the all star game is in San Francisco, where he plays. I know most people who read this blog aren't baseball fans, but I suggest you all watch on this night to see him introduced in front of his peers and the fans. It'll be one of those special sports moments...i'm off the soapbox now..