Friday, December 18, 2015

I really want to see the new Star Wars movie in my living room--preferably at 9am, when the kid is at school and the wife is at work. I would be perfectly willing to pay $15 or whatever "they" are charging these days, except I wouldn't buy a ticket, I would just pay a PPV-fee like I would for a boxing or an MMA match. Instead of popcorn, I'd have waffles, fruit, veggie sausage and all the mimosas I could get my non-Jedi Knight hands around.

In preparation for this bless-ed event, I would watch all of the Star Wars movies in order--to clarify for you lames, not in the order they were released, but in the order they are meant to be consumed. In fact, just to ensure that I was knee deep in the Star Wars culture, I may watch the cartoon Star Wars Rebels. It lacks the intensity and the complexity of the regular Star Wars franchise, but there are more episodes than there are movies, so it'll do. It is the equivalent of drinking sparkling cider when you really want champagne. Yes getting drunk is more fun, but every now and then you need a break. Not the greatest of analogies, but you get it.

What I do NOT want, is to sit in the movie theater with a bunch of kids, nerds, neophytes, and drunken fools, to watch this new movie. The last "hot" movie I went to see in a crowded theater was Michael Jackson's "This Is It" and it wasn't enjoyable, although I did get to meet Dick Gregory so it wasn't all bad. People were laughing too long and I missed key lines in the next scene, there was applause which is so not necessary in a show that isn't a live play or concert, and people brought their stupid ass, young kids in the theater, which just further hindered my ability to hear pertinent details.

Look, I've been watching Star Wars since I was five, and Empire Strikes Back is my favorite movie all time...

**sidebar on** My top five movies of all time in order are:
1) Empire Strikes Back
2) High Fidelity
3) Mo Better Blues
4) The Fugitive
5) Aliens (Love Jones used to be in this fifth spot, but I think the great soundtrack made me think higher of the actual movie than I should have)
***sidebar off**

and when you've been watching a movie franchise your entire life, you develop an intimate relationship with it. I don't want to share my enjoyment with anyone, let alone 200 people in a theater. I mean yes, in a perfect world, I'd rent out an IMAX theater and watch it solo (no pun intended) but that ain't realistic. I really want to watch this in my living room, and I am hoping after 3 weeks, when this money made from this movie eclipses Donald Trump's net worth, "they" will offer a watch-Star-Wars-in-your-living-room option. Maybe I should start a petition...

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