Friday, August 25, 2006

I always wonder what goes thru the head of really fat people when they try to find a seat on the train. I saw a woman this morning get on the train, and much to her dismay, every seat had at least one passenger in it. There were no two seats open, and as I looked at her, I immediately wished she had a thought balloon over her head, so I could see what was on her mind. She had this look of desperation on her face, as she stood in the aisle, hoping that a two-seater would miraculously reveal itself unto her. Not so much. So I guess at some point, this woman realized that the only she was going to sit her big ass down, was to squeeze it next to someone. Now it was at this point, that I picked my bag up off the floor, and put it in the seat next to me. I know that is mean and inconsiderate, but I'll be goddamned if this woman cuts off the circulation on my left side..not to mention I'm sure she would totally nullify the stellar starch job of my dry cleaners..this woman was that big. So after insuring that I wouldn't' t be a victim, I watched this woman hunt for a seat like it was going to be tonight's dinner. And finally she found a victim...she was about 120 lbs, white, kind of attractive, and very very thin. The big woman looked at her and said good morning, and the skinny one nodded, and then tried to move over (this must be some kind of reflex..why do folks attempt to move over, when clearly they are already against the window). Anyway, the big woman sat her big ass down, and just as I suspected, sat on this poor woman's shirt, thigh, newspaper, and she may have even gotten a piece of the skinny woman's arm. The big woman looked at the skinny woman as if to say hey, I got a big ass, what can I do. The skinny woman looked at the big girl as if to say, damn, why don't you just stand up. It was truly a sad state of affairs. This is mean spirited on my part too, but my hands are tied here. I saw it, so I decided to write on it.

I also realized this morning that I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to the newspaper. I can't stand those folks who choose to read the Washington Post Express. The Washington Post came out with this for those folks who have little to no attention span, but still want to know what is going on in the world..and on top of that it is free. Every morning, a friendly cripple, older black gentleman tries to guilty me into taking that paper, and every morning I look at him and as if to say Negro please. I'd much rather spend 35 cents a day on the real Washington Post. My ride is only 10-15 minutes, so I start of with the sports page, and maybe the style section. During lunch I tackle the metro and front page, and then later on I may peak at the special pullout and business sections. It is an all day affair, but I am definitely a smarter, more educated man as a result. All the Washington Post Express does is re-affirm the stupidity, and the dumbing down of society.

I'm not very proud of myself after this entry. I feel like Don Imus or something


Anonymous said...

as a reader of the express, i have to agree with you. i was a total snob but now that i've self-diagnosed myself with ADHD i can get my fill of gossip, horoscopes and perhaps squeeze in a game of suduko. if time permits, i may actually read some news.

if you're a "neat" newspaper reader then by all means, read your post you snobby bastard, but if you're one of these people who take 5 minutes to find, fold and hit everyone in arm's length with your washington post, then you should try the stapled express.

Anonymous said...

Rashad this was toooooo funny - i had no idea you were a "fat snob," too. So am I - oh gosh we are bad!!! God is gonna HURT us!!!

lex said...

you snob.

as a proud reader of the philly metro(our free "news"paper) i am taking all sorts of umbrage at this post

i mean i have a subscription to the times AND your beloved philly no less!

shoot i even do the nytimes crossword puzzles

but for the day's highlights and sundry the metro fits the bill

am i protesting too much?

oh dear im mad that your rancor made me feel vulnerable and ashamed...