Wednesday, September 10, 2008

It is quite possible that this story will not even be remotely funny to anyone except me and Cliff. But since that has never deterred me in the past, I shall press onward and upward.

So about 12 years ago my main man Cliff and his roommate (we'll call him Kirby) shared an apartment at a well known all male college in Atlanta, Georgia. They were good friends and decided like most college kids that living on campus was way too restrictive and off campus life was definitely the way to go.

When men live together they make official rules like who is going to pay what bills, how to split up the groceries, who takes out the trash, etc. There are also unofficial rules that are never really spoken about like knock before entering my room, if my girl and I are in the living room, get the hell out, and if you're dating a girl, find out if she has a friend for me. Guys don't sit down and hash these things out, they just have a way of becoming man law.

So one day, Cliff needs get the iron out of Kirby's room. He makes his way over to Kirby's room, and he notices that Kirby's door is halfway open. Unwritten man law tells Cliff that if your roommate's door is half open, that means you can enter. Kirby probably needed something from behind his door, and it pushed forward just a bit, and he was too lazy to open it way. Still, as a precaution Cliff lightly knocked on the door,and proceeded to enter Kirby's room. And lo and behold guess what Cliff saw..

Kirby was sitting on the floor bucked naked except for a t-shirt and socks, he was stroking his phallus like that was the only way Obama was going to win the election. Cliff just happened to look for a second and then said aloud, "Ohhh"(like I would have done). No words were spoken, no conversation was started, and no explanations were offered. Cliff just grabbed the iron, and got the hell out of dodge. You'd have thought someone had pulled the fire alarm he got out of there so fast.

Now, everyone has masturbated before. Some do it everyday, some do it while their girl is pregnant or on their cycle. Others do it to alleviate tension from time to time. Some people may have even been caught before by their significant other. I'll even go as far as to say that some folks have been caught right after they finished or just getting ready to start(I'm in that category). But as a man, you simply do NOT get caught in the act by a heterosexual male with your door open. I cannot stress enough how wrong that is. If you are a man with a roommate, you know that if you are going to make love to yourself, you close the door all the way, you lock the door, and maybe you even put a chair in front of the door for safety. Or you just go in the shower and get it done that way, as to cut down on the cleanup factor. But you simply cannot leave the door half open, take all of your clothes of except for your shirt and socks, and then expect to find peace before your release.

Anyway, Kirby is now a successful minister in the South and he has a family, and to this day, he and Cliff have never spoken about that magical moment. Cliff can't stand it when I bring this story up, because he is still friends with Kirby, but he still finds himself laughing hysterically when I make jokes about it. I actually met Kirby several years back and he was very friendly and affable, but it took everything in me not to bring it up in jest. I was way more mature back then, I think now I'd bring it up and let the good times roll.

10 comments:

Miss. Lady said...

ROFL! This is going to have me laughing to myself all day.

maxwellsmusze said...

this is disturbing and hilarious all at once! HAHA! oh the visual.

soft and subtle said...

Okay, the story was funny but when you said, "Kirby is now a successful minister in the South", that sh*t was hilarious. You could've left that out Mobley but you just HAD to go there. I'm so upset with you. lol You're a better man than me, literally; I couldn't hold my joke or laughter when meeting "Kirby". Unbelievable!

Janelle said...

This. is. a. classic. This is soooo funny. Sorry, Cliff. Let this be a lesson to the new off campus roomies: BRING YOUR OWN DAMN IRON!!! hahahahahahahahahaa

Giving all successful southern ministers the side eye from now on. hahahahahahaha

JazzBrew said...

That ish would have freaked me out. That's one of those images that would burn in your brain like a bad car accident or something. Therapy would not be out of the question.

He would have walked out of his room and I would have been boxing up my ish to move out.

JazzBrew said...

...oh yeah... did you shake Kirby's hand when you met him?

rashad said...

jazzbrew,
i don't remember if i shook his hand or not..god i hope i didn't

sixfive said...

No, you do NOT leave the door open. hilarious.. but I would be pissed to walk in on that.

£ex said...

lol gross (and im mad he was on the floor)

Chubbs said...

great coming-of-age story, definitely.

i'm glad they're still friends...and i'm impressed that Kirby still grabbed the iron from Cliff's bedroom.