Friday, August 26, 2011

I know this is going to sound super sappy, but I cannot wait to be a father again.

You see I had my son Carlton when I was 22 years old, and not only was I clueless and fresh out of college, but his mother and I did not get along. She lived in Hampton, I lived in Maryland, and I missed lots of milestones in Carlton's life (first day of school, first step, first missed tooth, potty training,etc) It wasn't like I was an absentee father, because I saw him two and three times a month, it just was not the same as being there each and every day. Now he's turned into a fine young man (as fine as a 14 year old sneaky bastard can be), and I love him, but there are parts of his life that I missed, and sometimes it hurts. Not a debilitating hurt that will send me in a tailspin..but the kind of hurt that comes and goes (mainly comes) when Carlton's name comes up in conversation.

14 years later I'm married, a little smarter, a little wealthier, less mature, and I am ready to get the full Daddy experience. I've had friends and family attempt to scare me away with baby horror stories, but they don't understand how much I want that. Every parent goes through ups and downs, but (most of the time) there is some type of rewarding experience on the wrap around. I want the good, the bad, the ugly and the payoff.

Where did all this come from? On my way into work this morning I saw a father and his young infant going for a morning walk. The kid was in one of those pouches that fit right in front of the parent, and he was just smiling and gazing into his father's eyes--and the father was looking right back at him with an identical look. I'm not a REAL emotional guy, but I definitely got a little filled..Needless to say, I'm pretty f**king excited about the birth of young Melvin.

4 comments:

Jai said...

You keep calling ur son Melvin...is that going to be his name or are you like my grandaddy who called my Aunt Rita her whole life bc thats what he wanted to name her but Grandma said noway and named her Flora after his mother instead...?

rashad said...

Jai,
Melvin is the name I want..but the wife doesn't like it at all.

Jazzbrew said...

Stick to your guns on the name man. Just keep calling him Melvin ALL the time. I think she might cave...

I experienced something very similar riding the train to work a few weeks ago. I was totally drawn to the interaction between a father and his young son. The kid hung on every word that came out of his father's mouth and vice versa. They were in their own little world.

Like you I heard so many horror/scare tactic stories about being a parent but also like you I want it. I'm 43 and this is my first (and probably only) child. I can't think of anything more exciting outside of becoming a professional trumpet player and touring the globe in Jay-Z like style. Since the later won't happen, I'm looking forward to the former.

Jazzbrew said...

I gotta tell you - when we found out that Henry was having a few issues during his contractions this morning I had this song in my head. Everything turned out fine but we felt the weight of the world in those moments.