Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I must admit I have sat down to write something everyday since I initially posted about the fire, and I didn't really have it in me. My friends and family have really come through for me over the past few days, and it makes it a little easier at times to deal. But there are times when I'm by myself, that it really gets tough and I get frustrated. To be starting over with EVERYTHING the way I am right now is just completely demoralizing. But for once, I'll focus on what I DO have. The only cd of mine that survived? Marvin Gaye's I Want You..My laptop made it, my tv made it(I think) and the food in my refrigerator survived, and that is pretty much it. I have enough clothes to return to work tomorrow. My friend Nina is going to be out of the area for about a month, so she was volunteered her place until she comes back, so that is enough to make me smile. My friend Jo came down to offer her moral support, my friend Genae has let me stay at her house since I initially found out. Ok enough of the shoutouts, the point is people have helped, and i'm grateful.

The other side of this tragedy is taking time to think about it why this happened, what am I supposed to learn, and what am I supposed to do differently. I am well aware that I haven't always been the best friend, boyfriend and person to a lot of different people. I am also well aware that my friend who I was talking to at the start of this year, told me that the karma for my shady behavior would come back on me strong, and I also know that I have contemplated leaving this area, well before the fire. So when you add all of those things together, you have a recipe for change, so that's what I plan on doing. Less focus on women, dating, and other superfluous things right, but I need to focus on getting my life together, writing, and figuring out a plan. For sanity's sake, I am going to ditch the self help and pity talk for now. I just wanted to get a few disjointed thoughts out on paper. Other observations:

-On Saturday night, I learned the TRUE meaning of the expression "drink away the pain"

-if ever there were a sign that i need to keep writing it is the survival of my laptop

-There was this episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry, the main character, had his mom pass away unexpectedly. This caused him to have to cancel a dinner with one of his friends, and after using the "I really can't...my mom passed away" he decided to abuse this line to get out of everything he didn't want to do over the next two weeks. He even tried this line on his wife, in an effort to get some pity sex and it worked. Now i'm turning over a new leaf, so I wouldn't do that now. But that thought crossed my mind.

-The Pistons looked old last night and Cleveland is going to win that series. Lebron is going to make it to the NBA Finals, and a superstar will be born. That game was pretty ugly last night and even though Detroit pulled it out, the Cleveland Cavs should have supreme confidence going into game 2. Lebron played bad, and they still almost pulled it out.

-Tonight is the draft lottery, and one lucky team will know if they can draft Greg Oden or Kevin Durant. I think both of them should have stayed in school, but they didn't, so now I am wishing them luck when they realize tonight that they are going to crappy teams. Welcome to the NBA.

That is all for now. I'm going to make an effort to keep writing everyday now, after that short break.


hadassah444 said...

Welcome back Rashad because I'm worried about you. I'm hoping that you'll pull through this. Try to look at this as a new beginning or a fresh start. Whats going to make the difference is you being able to endure it. I'm sure you can. I can't wait to see what becomes of you now.

you have my sincere hope
God Bless!!!

Sha said...

Go Cavs! I'm glad things are looking up for u.

Jo said...

Heyah Man . . .sounds like you are back! And yeah, when you wrote: "-if ever there were a sign that i need to keep writing it is the survival of my laptop," I was sooo in agreement with you. That for sure is a sign. And RM, at the end of the day, we ALL have to work on getting better and being better. You just got a wakeup call that makes it really hard for you to avoid it. So, it really isn't all BAD!