Friday, May 08, 2009

I was feeling pretty pumped up when I left work yesterday at 5:30. It had not been that difficult of a work day, I had a radio appearance scheduled for later that night that I was excited about, and I was headed to a relatively new restaurant for a brief happy hour. I shut down my computer, hapheartedly cleaned my desk, and said goodnight to one of my male co-workers. Then I went to say goodnight to one of my female co-workers, and I noticed she was crying on the phone, and I just froze.

While I was frozen in time, I heard her say, "He can't be gone, I just spent time with him last night." Her father, who had been in and out of the hospital over the past several weeks, passed away presumably late yesterday afternoon, and she had to get the news as she made her way out the door. Her back was to me, so she couldn't see me standing there looking stupid, thank God. I sat there not knowing exactly what to do. Do I go over and hug her, and ask the rhetorical question, "Are you alright?" Do I just hug her while she is still on the phone and not say anything? Or do I just let her deal with the news on her terms, without distracting her? I opted to just leave, and I felt a tad bit guilty about it. As I left, my other male co-worker was headed to her office to console her, so I felt a little more justified in not bothering her, but that image of her sobbing in the phone with her down, stayed in my head for awhile.

When my grandmother died 5 years ago, my father called me at work at around 10am. As he talked about the funeral arrangements, when I needed to get to Ohio and what needed to be done, I was sad but I didn't cry. I remember telling my boss I was leaving early, and I still didn't cry. But when my co-worker asked me why I was leaving early, and I started explaining to her what was going on, I just lost it, and I cried on her shoulder for a good 10 minutes before leaving out. I was thankful she was there to console me, but I wonder had she steered clear of me, would I have held it against her. Of course all this seems trivial given that this whole line of thought began because of a co-workers death, and ultimately that reigns supreme, but still....

Since its Friday, I don't want to end on a low note, so let me mention that this morning at the pool, I swam down and back (100 meters) without stopping, and without the kickboard for the first time. After the first time, I went back and did it 3 more times (that's what he said) and I was smiling the whole time. Good times!

Stakes Is High - De La Soul
For some reason, I've been playing this song all week like it just came out in 2009, instead of 1996. Luckily for me, its timeless.


Sab D said...

Keep on stroking Man! I bet you crack a half mile (just under 900 yds) by football season!

Jazzbrew said...

I love that damn song.

Jazzbrew said...

Oh and I have to say - your swimming is making me really think seriously about trying to learn again. Good stuff man - keep it up.