Wednesday, May 20, 2009

More and more buildings have handicapped buttons outside of their doors(or as I like to call them, easy buttons) These buttons are for handicapped individuals who do not have the ability to grab the handle, pull the door, hold the door, and the step through. Occasionally I have seen non-handicapped people who have their hands full push that handicapped button as well, and that is perfectly legal as far as I am concerned. What is not legal in my ever-growing book, is when able bodied individuals are just too lazy to open the door, so they hit the button, wait 5 seconds for that door to completely open, then step through... which brings me to this morning..

I had just completed my 20 minute walk to work, and I had removed my headphones from my ear, wrapped them around my IPOD, and started to reach for the door. But before I could open the door, it hit me SQUARE on the forehead, because some dumb ass chubby woman (not what I really want to call her), who was neither handicapped, nor carrying anything heavy, had decided that she was too lazy to open the door. Granted, she had to have seen me right in front of her, so she had no excuse to hit that button, when I was RIGHT in front of the door, but she did anyway. I guess the sound of the door hitting my head, hipped her to the fact that she f**ked (I'm at work) up, which brought us to the following exchange

*the door hits my head*
Her: OHMYGODOHMYGOD, I'm so sorry are you ok?
Me: I'll be fine
Her: I'm so used to hitting that button, I wasn't even paying attention, I'm so sorry
Me: Its fine
Her: *touching my shoulder* Are you sure you're ok? Do you need some ice or something?
Me: You have some on you?
Her: No, but I could..
Me: (interrupting) Again I'll be fine, but if you really want to help, you may want to open the door, instead of hitting that button. Just a thought
Her: After I walk from the train station (a 200 foot walk tops), I am so tired, I just want that door open, you know?
Me: But do you want to kill me and others in the process?
Her: Oh I see you're a smartass, but that's cool, because I know I'm wrong
Me: I'm an injured ass, and yes you're wrong, but its cool, have a great day
Her: Oh whatever, you be blessed

Be blessed? The last-word-gotta-end-on-a-high-note freak in me wanted to say something mean and hurtful, but I took the high road like Denny Green, and me and my sore forehead walked away. That was the mature thing to do. But man... I swear if I am ever behind this woman, I will get her back, "accidentally" hit her in the head with the door, gently put my hand on her shoulder, and ask her, "Is that blessed enough for you?"

Shirley Bassey - Send In The Clowns


Miss. Lady said...

LMAO!@ "I'm an injured ass"!!!!!

Oh boy you have started my morning off RIGHT.

£ said...

LOL dude.

ok so in homegirl's defense, those doors that are modified so that they are handicapped accessible are usually mad heavy. I'm guessing it has to do with all the extra hardware they put inside them, cuz you gotta have samson like strength to open those bad boys without hitting the button.

...or maybe its just me that finds them heavy. I will admit to having under performing biceps and triceps...


I usually just avoid them because they open so slowly and I don't have the patience to wait for them to open. I walk fast and it seems like an eternity between pushing the button and having the doors open. Most of the time there are normal doors nearby and that way I don't have to break my stride. But there may not have been that option in this instance which is why you now have a boo boo on your noggin.

oh and seriously? easy buttons should be real. I'd be hitting those things all the time.

rashad said...

In response to your last sentence Lex...that's what he said.

maxwellsmusze said...

be blessed is right up there with - "I'm gonna pray for you". So not sincere. HAHA!

rashad said...

I'm going to pray for you would have set me off something turrible

Jamal said...

Man, this is too funny. I am dying laughing at work.